Any advice on my relationship?

It seems for me that talking about it is the best way for me to not feel depressed or something, and hearing other people's views.

So basically i'll explain it.

I've known a girl from holland online for a year and a half. It was nothing special at first, just a few chats now and then. After 6 months down the line, we started to get to know each other very well, and enjoyed talking to one another. We talked almost everyday for so long. Camming sometimes. We got closer and closer the more time we talked. Untill i would spend nights thinking of her and slowly falling for her after a terrible break i had a year before. I got to know her friends and her family, and her with mine. She would tell me stuff, she told no one else, and take my advice, i did the same. I would cheer her up when she was down with her problems and make her feel not alone.

This all lead to meeting going to spend Christmas with her. I didn't know what to expect and i didn't expect much. But once i was there, we totally clicked like we did online. Everything was perfect and we had a great weeks and fun time together. I asked her to be my girlfriend later that week and she said yes. The end of my week in Holland, i told her i loved her as i left the airport, we both were crying. I don't know whether i did or not... but i wanted to end it perfect... in fact i didn't wanna leave at all. She didn't say anything back.

I spent 6 weeks back in England. Talking to her everyday online and calling her sometimes. The first month or so, it was good. She told me she missed me, we talked about our future, and made plans. The last two weeks or so... she was feeling down... and we had a couple of small arguments... she also had big personal problems to deal with. the last week, she told me... 'I don't know if i love you or not, but i really want to because your perfect to me, but i just don't know if the feeling will ever come, im telling you this because if it doesn't when your here again, then we might have to break up.' I went there again, feeling down.

The first few days, we talked about breaking up and i asked her to give me the week to see if she changed her mind, and for her to make the first move. She did the next day and things went back to normal. I spent Valentines with her and it was really great, we were a couple again. But not how perfect it was the first time, but still great. I asked her if she wanted to be together after, she said yes. I was happy again.

I went back to england, for 7 weeks. The first 3 weeks it was good, she told me she missed me etc... I felt our relationship was as stronger as ever. Though she wouldn't show my affection when i asked for it, or give me some in return, i was hurt by this but i was happy i still had her. After that, she was feeling really depressed with so many problems, in her life. I tried to help her but i also argued with her due to my jealousy and clingingness. We grown distant and didn't talk much and when we did, it wasn't good. 5 weeks into it, she was at rock bottem and i had did something to her a few days eariler i wasn't proud of, she was angry at me. She asked if i could just be friends with her. Her reasons are she thinks she will never love me, she was uncomfortable with doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. She didn't feel a love feeling with me but saw me only as a best friend.

My intentions were that i didn't want to let her go. I cared for her too much. I realised i did love her. But i agreed because in the end, i just want her to be happy. Its been 5 days since then, and i feel so hurt and depressed. I really want her back. I was happy with her and i thought she was happy with me. Her friends thought she was too. I would do anything to get her back but if she really is happier without me then... i will try and move on and be her friend only. Even if it pains me and it does. But i am still going there in a weeks time and i can't help but hope we'll still find a way to work out, even if she assured me nothing will happen and was unsure of me going. I need to go to find a truth, as when we're together it's always different. To make her happy. Right now though it just hurts so much, and i cry whenever i think of her, and that we'll never be together, because she was perfect to me. I miss her so much. I don't know what to do.

Recently, we're been talking as 'just friends'. She has been happy with this as her personal problems just died down a bit too. She wants things to be like they used to before we were dating. I know i want more, but i can't tell her how much it pains me. I'm her best friend, shes mine, i don't want to lose that but I know i really love her. When i was with her i felt, it was perfect. We were really happy.

Any ideas for those of your still reading this :biggrin: