The Student Room Group

i am pregnant.please help

i am 18 and just discovered i am pregnant, I am considering my options and i was going to have a termination becuase of uni, parents etc altho my boyf is supportive. But i have been doing some research and standupgirl.com horrified me with graphic details about abortion and how deveolped your child is. one story, had a girl having a pill and actually seeing her foetus come out-she saw the eyes and everything. i am morally agianst and i just dont know what oto do. please help

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
It depends on how long you have been pregnant for. :smile: If it's only a few weeks I doubt it will have eyes or anything like you said. Check with your gp instead of reading dodgy things on websites, I'm sure it's fine. Good luck with everything.
Anonymous
i am 18 and just discovered i am pregnant, I am considering my options and i was going to have a termination becuase of uni, parents etc altho my boyf is supportive. But i have been doing some research and standupgirl.com horrified me with graphic details about abortion and how deveolped your child is. one story, had a girl having a pill and actually seeing her foetus come out-she saw the eyes and everything. i am morally agianst and i just dont know what oto do. please help


I'm really sorry to hear you're in this situation anon :frown: This happened to me when I was 19 and I did have a termination at 12 weeks. It was a rotten, awful experience which I have always felt sad about ... but never really regretted. I couldn't have coped with a baby at that age (I've since had two children, so I know!).

Listen, if you are morally against abortion then you can consider either adoption or keeping the baby. Have you thought abou tthose options at all yet, and how do you feel about them?
Reply 3
If your boyfriend's supportive and you are against abortion, there's no reason you have to go through with it. I know someone who went to university while she was pregnant and even after she had her little girl (The little girl is now 3 yrs and her I love dearly). I helped with babysitting and the mom graduated. There are people willing to help you. Don't feel alone or ashamed.

God bless.
Reply 4
I'm pro-choice. Would you rather bring a life into this world that you are not ready to care for. At 18 I doubt you are.

Would you rather the child suffer a lifetime of not getting the needed financial, emotiona and family support, or wondering who it's real parents are?

If you aren't too far along get an abortion. I know of a couple who decided to keep a baby they aren't ready for. The stress they live through, their relationship in tatters... It's not worth it.
I'm pro-choice too and agree with what randomiser said.

Having had two children I feel qualified to say - don't underestimate how life-changing, how hard, how draining having a child can be. If you have a supportive partner and family, and little in the way of money worries, then you won't find it so hard. Don't get me wrong, there are of course up sides to having children, but it's hard, relentless and often thankless work. You have to put yourself to one side for a long, long time and that can be very hard to do, especially when you are young and haven't had a chance to have your own life yet.
Reply 6
Anonymous
i am 18 and just discovered i am pregnant, I am considering my options and i was going to have a termination becuase of uni, parents etc altho my boyf is supportive. But i have been doing some research and standupgirl.com horrified me with graphic details about abortion and how deveolped your child is. one story, had a girl having a pill and actually seeing her foetus come out-she saw the eyes and everything. i am morally agianst and i just dont know what oto do. please help


Firstly, you can't get a chemical abortion if a foetus is that developed, only a surgical one. That's the law. Rather than looking at things online, go to a doctor or a family planning clinic or similiar and get proper facts about what would happen were you to have a termination and then make your decision.
Reply 7
When having a child, one must be ready to live almost entirely for someone else. At younger ages we certainly aren't ready for this type of approach.

Kudos to spacedmonkey. It must've been a hard choice to make, and quite an ordeal... But the right choice by my books.
Anon if you want to talk please feel free to PM me. It's very difficult to make a clear-headed decision when you find you're pregnant and have little time to think the options through. Do try to blank the images from the website from your mind - as others have said, you would not be given a medical termination beyond a certain number of weeks. Those websites are run by anti-abortion campaigners and are designed to horrify and frighten women in your situation. They are not unbiased and they are not (necessarily) accurate.

You need proper unbiased advice (from somewhere like Brook or Marie Stopes if not your GP - not all GPs are pro-choice, but if yours isn't then they have to refer you to one who is). You need a lot of emotional support, whichever road you go down.

(thanks randomiser btw :suith: )
Reply 9
thanks fro all your support guess i am in a state of shock at the moment just got to think carefully altho i probably know that a termination is the best action.
Anonymous
thanks fro all your support guess i am in a state of shock at the moment just got to think carefully altho i probably know that a termination is the best action.


Anon - I remember that feeling. I felt confused, scared and as if everyone else ended up making the decision for me. Good luck whatever you decide xxx
I would be sympathetic...but I see these things differently so I will refrain from saying anything I want to say
strawberry
I would be sympathetic...but I see these things differently so I will refrain from saying anything I want to say

Make an appointment to speak to your GP, or go to your local familiy planning/sexual health clinic if you would rather the conversation be off the record.

They can arrange for you to have PROPER COUNSELLING, which is what you need to make an informed decision. Don't go to these ***** websites... they're there for a reason, to scare young girls into making a decision that will stay with you for life.

If might be that after talking to a trained counseller that you decide to go through with your pregnancy, it might be that you decide on a termination, but at least you will have made a supported decision.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Anonymous
i am 18 and just discovered i am pregnant, I am considering my options and i was going to have a termination becuase of uni, parents etc altho my boyf is supportive. But i have been doing some research and standupgirl.com horrified me with graphic details about abortion and how deveolped your child is. one story, had a girl having a pill and actually seeing her foetus come out-she saw the eyes and everything. i am morally agianst and i just dont know what oto do. please help


To have an abortion you have to qualify via below:

Parliament
(1) Subject to the provisions of this section, a person shall not be guilty of an offence under the law relating to abortion when a pregnancy is terminated by a registered medical practitioner if two registered medical practitioners are of the opinion, formed in good faith--

(a) that the pregnancy has not exceeded its twenty-fourth week and that the continuance of the pregnancy would involve risk, greater than if the pregnancy were terminated, of injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman or any existing children of her family; or

(b) that the termination is necessary to prevent grave permanent injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman; or

(c) that the continuance of the pregnancy would involve risk to the life of the pregnant woman, greater than if the pregnancy were terminated; or

(d) that there is a substantial risk that if the child were born it would suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped.


If you don't fit this then legally you don't qualify.
Reply 14
NDGAARONDI

If you don't fit this then legally you don't qualify.


Almost any doctor will be happy to certify on ground a) in favour of an abortion at her age. The legality of the procedure would probably not be a major hurdle.

I'm going to clean up this thread - for those of you who want to debate morality of pre-marital sex/abortion, use D&D. Thanks to whoever posted all those useful links.

To the OP - look at some less biased sites - the one you quoted is violently anti-abortion and will be trying to shock/disgust you. Talk it over with a counsellor, as Anon 2 said, and make your decision.
Reply 15
speranza
Most of what's on pro-life sites is ridiculously exaggerated and often just plain false. Get an unbiased opinion before you make a decision, and don't let other people make the decision for you.


i'm pro life but also pro choice. that doesnt mean im pro abortion.
how long is it?
if its within the last couple days , you can use the morning after pill. i dont know much about this tho.

if its longer, these are the options:
1)marry your bf and have the baby. hee's supportive and will care for you. this is the best opttion to me.
2)have the baby then have it adopted/fostered. this may require taking alot of time out of uni for hospital treatemtns and it will be hard not knowing here the kid is
3)abort and suffer the mental harm forever, but ultimately its up to you. i agree that pro life stuff, esp seeing the eyes of a foetus is entirely untrue. i've heard its like suction and sucks it out, though i dont know much about abortion.

at 18, you are very young to make this choice, and i know its too late but this is why kids too young to raise a baby shoulcnt have sex. i have strong catholic views on premaritial sex, contraception,abortion and i dont know much about these things, so im not much help, sorry

im not sure what to do, and i will pray for you to have the strenght to make the choice that is right for you.

maybe see your doc and ask to referred to family palnning? they can give you the proper advice about your options.
i wish i could help you more but i really have no idea about this kinda stuff. sorry. may God bless you and give you strength x:redface:
Reply 16
Helenia
Almost any doctor will be happy to certify on ground a) in favour of an abortion at her age. The legality of the procedure would probably not be a major hurdle.

To the OP - look at some less biased sites - the one you quoted is violently anti-abortion and will be trying to shock/disgust you. Talk it over with a counsellor, as Anon 2 said, and make your decision.



totally agreed. those pro life sites are scary, mainly untrue and unhelpful. they exaggerate stuff and invent stuff to put you off. although abortion is morally wrong, it is still an option for you and you have the right to a properly informed choice.
Reply 17
shinytoy
i'm pro life but also pro choice. that doesnt mean im pro abortion.
how long is it?
if its within the last couple days , you can use the morning after pill. i dont know much about this tho.

if its longer, these are the options:
1)marry your bf and have the baby. hee's supportive and will care for you. this is the best opttion to me.
2)have the baby then have it adopted/fostered. this may require taking alot of time out of uni for hospital treatemtns and it will be hard not knowing here the kid is
3)abort and suffer the mental harm forever, but ultimately its up to you. i agree that pro life stuff, esp seeing the eyes of a foetus is entirely untrue. i've heard its like suction and sucks it out, though i dont know much about abortion.

at 18, you are very young to make this choice, and i know its too late but this is why kids too young to raise a baby shoulcnt have sex. i have strong catholic views on premaritial sex, contraception,abortion and i dont know much about these things, so im not much help, sorry

im not sure what to do, and i will pray for you to have the strenght to make the choice that is right for you.

maybe see your doc and ask to referred to family palnning? they can give you the proper advice about your options.
i wish i could help you more but i really have no idea about this kinda stuff. sorry. may God bless you and give you strength x:redface:


A) I'm pretty sure the morning after pill won't help in this situation. It's emergency contraception - you take it up to 72 hours after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy. If the OP already knows she's pregnant, then its probably longer than 72 hours since they had sex that lead to the pregnancy!

B) Why does pregnancy automatically mean you have to marry the father if you're planning to keep it!?
Reply 18
amie
A) I'm pretty sure the morning after pill won't help in this situation. It's emergency contraception - you take it up to 72 hours after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy. If the OP already knows she's pregnant, then its probably longer than 72 hours since they had sex that lead to the pregnancy!

B) Why does pregnancy automatically mean you have to marry the father if you're planning to keep it!?


ok im catholic and treat these things on a 'need to know basis'

can i ask, how long is it before a pregnancuy shows up on A pregnancy test?
as for B, i just thought if the bf wanted to be supportive it might be easier to be married so she wont be a single mom. i mean if she is happy to be one, thats all well and good too, though not as good
Reply 19
shinytoy
ok im catholic and treat these things on a 'need to know basis'

can i ask, how long is it before a pregnancuy shows up on A pregnancy test?
as for B, i just thought if the bf wanted to be supportive it might be easier to be married so she wont be a single mom. i mean if she is happy to be one, thats all well and good too, though not as good


If you think you could be pregnant, you may want to do a pregnancy test. Pregnancy tests are very reliable and can be done 3 weeks after unprotected sex. Before this time, the level of hormones produced by the pregnancy is too low to show up on the test and you may get a 'false negative' result.


http://www.fpa.org.uk/helpnow/pregtest/index.htm

Although I think there are some now that can be done earlier than that.

Not as good? Surely that's subjective?