Are all guys scared of commitment?

I'm in a bit of a situation, I really like this guy (he's my bestfriend) known him for abour 6 years, we both admitted we liked each other a few years back. He moved away though, and so we couldn't do anything about it. But I met up with him the other day because he came down (he lives up in b'ham btw..and I live in London). I still really really like him and want things to go further, which is possible as he is moving down here for uni this septemeber.
Now for the problem, I don't know if he feels the same way, and also I'm a kinda girl who isn't into 'casual' relationships or short-term. I want something that can last as long as we can make it, and for it to be serious, and he knows this. When we were having a conversation about it, he said i'm too into commitment!!! and that got me thinking, maybe we want different things, maybe he just wants to 'mess' around. I'm not sure, but it seems as though he isn't looking for anything serious, and if that's the case I don't want to get into a relationship with him, but I really love him! and when I think of the future (I know i'm thinking a bit too ahead, but I can't imagine my self with anyone else but him :frown:

!)

Any advice or anything is welcome! thanks

Reply 1

Fluent in Lies

2

No all guys are not scared of commitment. I guess you need to ask him what he wants.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

yeh I do, but I'm scared if I tell him how I feel, he might not feel the same way anymore! I guess I would have to deal with it, but it's so hard

Reply 3

so_this_is_sam

3

Well guys want different things right? Maybe he doesnt want committment right now, but the only way to find out is to talk about it. It's difficult but you wouldnt want to be in a relationship that was one sided would you? Imagine going out with him, and you putting in the effort and falling for him, and then him turning around and sayin, i really like you but im not ready for this yet. It would be worse then, once you had got into the relationship than not gettin into it at all. In time, he may decide he does feel ready and you could give it a go then, but two people who want different things will not work out, and you'll end up getting hurt, perhaps not intentionally, but it'll happen...make sure you both know what you want and that it's the same thing before rushing into things. It'll be worth it in the end, whatever happens

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

so_this_is_sam

Well guys want different things right? Maybe he doesnt want committment right now, but the only way to find out is to talk about it. It's difficult but you wouldnt want to be in a relationship that was one sided would you? Imagine going out with him, and you putting in the effort and falling for him, and then him turning around and sayin, i really like you but im not ready for this yet. It would be worse then, once you had got into the relationship than not gettin into it at all. In time, he may decide he does feel ready and you could give it a go then, but two people who want different things will not work out, and you'll end up getting hurt, perhaps not intentionally, but it'll happen...make sure you both know what you want and that it's the same thing before rushing into things. It'll be worth it in the end, whatever happens

Thanks so much! that makes so much sense, and I think if he doesn't want commitment right now, I'm not going to get with him, because I know I will end up getting hurt. But then again, I don't want to put my life on hold, so he can go mess around and have fun, then when he's ready to 'commit' come back to me. It's just hurts so much when it's someone you love and known for so long.

Reply 5

Mrs_F

15

No of course not ALL men are scared of commitment! If that was the case no one would ever settle down!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

^ that's true, but I mean at this age, he's 19, so I guess he wants to have fun, but the thing is I have a lot of friends who are in serious relationships, maybe he thinks I am being serious and want to get married or something, but it's not at all like that, I just need security and assurance that if we was to go out he would be commited, and be serious.

Reply 7

Mrs_F

15

Anonymous

^ that's true, but I mean at this age, he's 19, so I guess he wants to have fun, but the thing is I have a lot of friends who are in serious relationships, maybe he thinks I am being serious and want to get married or something, but it's not at all like that, I just need security and assurance that if we was to go out he would be commited, and be serious.

Some people just don't show commitment easily.
He might be ready to commit or he might still be feeling like he wants fun.

It might not be true for everyone, but I generally find that men tend to settle down later than women anyway. Well my fiance for example was 21 when we got together. His brother is 22 and no where near ready to commit - he enjoys pulling still, and on the opposite end, one of my close friend's boyfriend started seeing her when he was 14 and they are still together.

Reply 8

The Green Manalishi

1

No i know I'm not scared of commitment...

Reply 9

dan1982

From a man point of view.

God gave me two great things, a penis and a brain. But forgot to give me enough blood to run both at the same time.

What i mean is i can be attracted to girl, and physically like her, but not mentally.
I have the same problem at the moment, i am really attracted to this girl, but if i spend to much time with her i feel awkward.
I dont understand it myself really, i think ive set my sights to high, and have some commitment issues, even though she's a really pleasant girl.
Its not the girl incases fault she is amazing, its just something i cant seem to get over. I dont think of my self as a self centre nasty person, and know what its like for someone to do this to me.

How i feel is that at nearly 24 im looking for the girl i want to stay with for maybe the rest of my life, and if shes not completely perfect i go a bit weird, but at the same time i could be missing out on something amazing. :frown:

Reply 10

Eien

16

I have no problem with commitment, even though I have never had a relationship, where somebody in my position may want to "try" relationships with different people. If I am simply physically attracted to somebody, I wouldn't consider a relationship with them, because there is nothing special in order to substantiate it. However, if I found my ideal partner, I would ideally endeavour to spend the rest of my life with her. However, the reason why men do tend to be less favourable of commitment is the feeling of imprisonment. Men traditionally ventured outwards and felt a greater need to explore than women, which is why some men view a relationship as a restriction to these desires, or a restriction of control or life changing.