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Parents-can't take it anymore :( watch

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    I'm going to make this brief.

    Situation: 18 years old female, taking a (forced) gap year, live in London, parents want me to apply to London only unis this year (so I can live at home).

    But, for my course, the unis that I want to go to are all out of London- and are much better (subject wise/prestige etc).

    I want to move out for uni. I want to be independent and live my life on my own terms.

    I no longer wish every aspect of my life to be controlled.

    I'm someone who outwardly is quite extroverted, funny and loud etc. And, most people would probably be surprised that particularly over the last 2 years I have been feeling so low - due to a combination of exam stress, but mostly my parents' religion and culture.

    I know there is going to be so much drama in my house because of this, but, if I can't spend another 3 years in this house (while at uni).

    I can't tolerate their controlling behaviour anymore
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    Asian?

    Your education and future are what you want to make of it. If you are not happy don't do it. Do you really want to be spending all this money for a course you hate, a subject you have no passion or desire to learn and a future career that you have no interest in? Your education is going to shape the rest of your life.

    Stand up to them and tell them that you want some independence. They may want the best for you but let them know you are old enough and mature enough to make your own decisions regarding YOUR future life.

    Had a similar thing happen to me but it was not so extreme that they told me what uni I could and could not apply to.

    Good luck
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    You can't let anyone control what you want, you need to go for what is good for you, otherwise you will end up miserable.
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    Sorry to read this OP, I hope you're okay.

    I think you have to be practical. If you do leave London, what consequences will you have to face. If the situation is as serious as you make out, you may potentially lose your family. Have you got a family member like a close aunt or uncle who can get your parents on side? It might help to air the positives about going to uni outside of London to them. You say you're taking a gap year right, so you've got a year to convince them. I'm sorry I can't offer better advice, it might even be worth looking into a different but similar course in universities in London.



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    I'm not 100% sure which religion or culture you're from, but at least for many strict muslim or asian parents a good education is almost as important as their religion or culture -if not even more important!

    If that is the case with your parents as well, I'd suggest you try that approach rather than fighting for your freedom in a way.

    Like try to convince them that the London universities can't offer you what the others can. Also pick a few of your options and research tgem thoroughly. Then you can present your parents with information of the courses status and the status of the universities.

    Also most universities tend to have tons of different societies. So try looking them up and see if there are any active societies to match your cultural or religious background. Showing your parents that such things exist and by participating in those kind of societies would allow you to embrace your culture and follow traditions at uni as well should help convincing your parents to let you go .
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    My parents just said I couldn't apply to Sheffield because "your uncle is there - hes a piece of ****" lol.
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    By the way you have described the situation your parents are unlikely to budge if you confront them. But if you can get support from say a teacher or a trusted family friend then maybe it will work.

    I was in a similar position two years ago and with help from teachers at school I slowly got them to back off.

    This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my SK17i
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    Thanks for the replies so far
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    You can't let anyone control what you want, you need to go for what is good for you, otherwise you will end up miserable.
    Exactly, I hate pretending to be someone that I'm not.

    I need to do what's right for me, but it is going to be so hard
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    (Original post by UkStudentWannabe)
    I'm not 100% sure which religion or culture you're from, but at least for many strict muslim or asian parents a good education is almost as important as their religion or culture -if not even more important!

    If that is the case with your parents as well, I'd suggest you try that approach rather than fighting for your freedom in a way.

    Like try to convince them that the London universities can't offer you what the others can. Also pick a few of your options and research tgem thoroughly. Then you can present your parents with information of the courses status and the status of the universities.

    Also most universities tend to have tons of different societies. So try looking them up and see if there are any active societies to match your cultural or religious background. Showing your parents that such things exist and by participating in those kind of societies would allow you to embrace your culture and follow traditions at uni as well should help convincing your parents to let you go .
    That's a great idea actually, personally, I have serious doubts about religion and I would consider myself to perhaps be an agnostic (although my parents don't know this).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's a great idea actually, personally, I have serious doubts about religion and I would consider myself to perhaps be an agnostic (although my parents don't know this).
    Well I certainly wouldn't tell them that anytime soon .
    And even if you don't consider yourself to be religious, you could still join them for the social aspect and in order to make your parents happy. I mean as a sort of compromise to keep your parents happy.
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    (Original post by ELs123)
    Asian?

    Your education and future are what you want to make of it. If you are not happy don't do it. Do you really want to be spending all this money for a course you hate, a subject you have no passion or desire to learn and a future career that you have no interest in? Your education is going to shape the rest of your life.

    Stand up to them and tell them that you want some independence. They may want the best for you but let them know you are old enough and mature enough to make your own decisions regarding YOUR future life.

    Had a similar thing happen to me but it was not so extreme that they told me what uni I could and could not apply to.

    Good luck

    Hey, just an update on the situation.

    They had a talk with me and tbh it was more like they were both ganging up on me and making me feel bad about my chosen unis. First, they tried to discourage me from applying to uni altogether and said things such as 'there's no point really, if you are going to end up with so much debt, is there?' Then they criticised the unis I had picked. Both of them said things such as 'what if you forget your religion while at uni?'

    I tried to stay composed and I explained to them that the unis I have chosen are all VERY good. But, I don't think I've ever felt that uncomfortable in my life

    Right now, they've said 'do what you want', but they're both making me feel so guilty and horrible for choosing the unis I want.



    Sorry for the rant.
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    (Original post by UkStudentWannabe)
    Well I certainly wouldn't tell them that anytime soon .
    And even if you don't consider yourself to be religious, you could still join them for the social aspect and in order to make your parents happy. I mean as a sort of compromise to keep your parents happy.
    Yes, I mean, if I was in the religious society, no one forced you to turn up do they? Could I just join and perhaps be a member who just never turns up after the first initial meeting?
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    (Original post by ShredMaster)
    My parents just said I couldn't apply to Sheffield because "your uncle is there - hes a piece of ****" lol.
    Haha! Your parents sound like they have a good sense of humour! :P

    Want to change parents?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, I mean, if I was in the religious society, no one forced you to turn up do they? Could I just join and perhaps be a member who just never turns up after the first initial meeting?
    That should probably be possible.
    And as long as they don't specifically tell you not to go you should be fine. You'll just have to put up with that.

    On the other hand have you considered any of the unis in Scotland or Wales? They might be a bit cheaper I think..
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    In same position as you, why are you takin a gap year? just apply to a uni through clearing! they will calm down dw.
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    Ignore their guilt tripping techniques, once parents learn that this no longer works on you it stops.

    Secondly they dont choose your choices so just pick unis out of London.

    your life, not theirs.
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    I was in this situation last year (taken the gap year) and im finally moving out im white catholic though not asia, but I virtually have spent my whole entire life being controlled by my mum I ddi everythinmg my parents asked, I cant express how strict they are im 20 yet no alloweds to drink have a curfew of 11pm am allowed to clubs once every 2 months, banned from having aboyfriend and male friends. My mum banned me from seeing my friends by hiding my car keys and taking money from my bank account, when I say every aspect of my life was controlled it was horrific infract it still is. The only way Ive managed to move out for uni is by agreeing to go only 40 mins away but arguing that they would have to pay the petrol blah blah, I also got some bravery and told them I was leaving, I was determined I wouldnt have eben cared if I ended up living in a box I filled out my student finance form and showed them they couldnt stop me. I have gotton a job worked nearly full time I basically stood up for myself, n the sens im going to uni. I also said if they didnt let me go to this uni I wouldnt go to uni and I wouoldlnt work. Why dont you look into doing a really really specific course one the unis in london dont do. I now still do everyting they say Im still totally controlled BUT I only do as they say to keep the peace. Good lcuk im still terrified something will happen and I wont be able to go to uni
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was in this situation last year (taken the gap year) and im finally moving out im white catholic though not asia, but I virtually have spent my whole entire life being controlled by my mum I ddi everythinmg my parents asked, I cant express how strict they are im 20 yet no alloweds to drink have a curfew of 11pm am allowed to clubs once every 2 months, banned from having aboyfriend and male friends. My mum banned me from seeing my friends by hiding my car keys and taking money from my bank account, when I say every aspect of my life was controlled it was horrific infract it still is. The only way Ive managed to move out for uni is by agreeing to go only 40 mins away but arguing that they would have to pay the petrol blah blah, I also got some bravery and told them I was leaving, I was determined I wouldnt have eben cared if I ended up living in a box I filled out my student finance form and showed them they couldnt stop me. I have gotton a job worked nearly full time I basically stood up for myself, n the sens im going to uni. I also said if they didnt let me go to this uni I wouldnt go to uni and I wouoldlnt work. Why dont you look into doing a really really specific course one the unis in london dont do. I now still do everyting they say Im still totally controlled BUT I only do as they say to keep the peace. Good lcuk im still terrified something will happen and I wont be able to go to uni
    Thanks for replying, it is very encouraging to see that you are going to university

    If you don't mind me asking will you be staying at home for uni or moving out?
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    (Original post by kunoichi)
    Ignore their guilt tripping techniques, once parents learn that this no longer works on you it stops.

    Secondly they dont choose your choices so just pick unis out of London.

    your life, not theirs.
    Hey,

    Yes, I am choosing my unis.

    But, they're just making me feel so terrible, the constant guilt trips e.g. 'what if you turn bad at uni-what if the devil leads you astray/ other people might influence you/asian girls don't usually move out for uni.

    But the worst thing is...I'm applying to just one uni in London to keep peace in the house (and this particular uni is no way as good as the other 4) and they keep saying things like 'we hope you don't get into the other ones, just this one'.

    I feel so terrible
 
 
 
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