The Student Room Group

Problems actually having sex

Hey all I'm prolly the same girl who started the 'no confidence' thread and the bullying one too. I know I'm sad! :eek:

Anyway last night I tried to have :p: with my other half and we didn't get anywhere because as always, I felt like crap about myself - no confidence whatsoever.

The bullying has affected me this much, even after my BF was saying how lovely and sexy I was, it jst didn't work :redface: Was really *dry* and not wanting to have sex. What is wrong with me I don't think this is normal!!! Am 22 but was a virgin up until 21, wish I wasn't I would've learned SO much more in this area!
Again, I shall refrain from saying what I really think about sex before marriage.
But I'll say this much:

Maybe you have a low sex drive? Low self esteem maybe? Stop and think about why you're not confident and look to build that confidence up :smile: It'll make you feel fabulous, honestly. When you're confident, you look it and therefore look more attractive. :smile: And if your boyfriend says you're beautiful and sexy, it's cos he wants you to feel that way.

Okay I'll just add this one last bit from my thoughts:
I think that having sex for the first time when you're married to your partner and figuring stuff out for the first time together would be the most amazing experience ever, rather than "I know how to do it already" and makes the experience boring cos it'll be the same old thing...there, my two cents.
Reply 2
strawberry

I think that having sex for the first time when you're married to your partner and figuring stuff out for the first time together would be the most amazing experience ever, rather than "I know how to do it already" and makes the experience boring cos it'll be the same old thing...there, my two cents.

:rofl:

I'd rather know my partner was good at it BEFORE I married them. Divorces can be messy.
Reply 3
One of the main probs is that I worry too much about what other people think! I can't help it, because of the bullying I actually believe people when they say that I'm gross/ugly etc :frown:

So when my BF's says I'm really hot, I end going :rolleyes:

Because I don't believe him :redface:
Reply 4
Anonymous

So when my BF's says I'm really hot, I end going :rolleyes:

Because I don't believe him :redface:

How long have you two been together? After about 6 months with my bf, he'd said it so much I started to believe HIM over the bullies :smile:
Talya
:rofl:

I'd rather know my partner was good at it BEFORE I married them. Divorces can be messy.


Thats what I think. What happens if you get married and then...nada. A typical Sex and the city senario.
Reply 6
Talya
How long have you two been together? After about 6 months with my bf, he'd said it so much I started to believe HIM over the bullies :smile:
About 3 years on and off. I hope you're not patronising me O_0
I have issues with my self esteem. Am not sexual, doesn't come naturally!

Being a NUN would come more naturally to me.
Anonymous
One of the main probs is that I worry too much about what other people think! I can't help it, because of the bullying I actually believe people when they say that I'm gross/ugly etc :frown:

So when my BF's says I'm really hot, I end going :rolleyes:

Because I don't believe him :redface:



I'm the same :redface: but when he says all these things now, I think to myself 'as long as he thinks it, nobody else matters'
Hayley_2k4
I'm the same :redface: but when he says all these things now, I think to myself 'as long as he thinks it, nobody else matters'


youve probably made the best point so far, sod what the others think anon just believe what he says after all its your body hes trying to ravish not theirs.

and strawberry, you obvioulsy dont have much fun in the bedroom (and in kitchens, showers, buses, trains ferries, alley ways, church garden, living rooms to name a few of the places ive done it) cos the things you can do are virtually inexhaustible and even the ones youve done before just means that you can have lots of fun refining them and perfecting them
Talya
:rofl:

I'd rather know my partner was good at it BEFORE I married them. Divorces can be messy.


LOL that's you. :smile: but hey, I'm not gonna make you do it my way. I think you're right and I'm right too :P
Reply 10
Thanks! :smile: Yes my BF is great, I love him we make a great team! We're prolly gonna get married, but it's just people around me might say things like 'oh he only says you're great to get you into bed' or 'he doesn't really mean it' :rolleyes:

And stuff like that!! Makes me feel insecure :redface: That and all the bullying I had to put up with in primary school + all throughout high school and college. Not now at uni thankfully, effects are still there tho!
Reply 11
Talya
I'd rather know my partner was good at it BEFORE I married them. Divorces can be messy.


I read something that sex was only about 5% physical, the large percentage of sex that makes it enjoyable is it's special because it's between you and the person you love. I don't think bad sex is really a reason for divorcing someone you love; it just takes time for people to work out what others want.
Reply 12
Sex is much better when you are in love even for guys!! Just listen to you bf I am sure he is right!!
Reply 13
I know it sounds really obvious and its difficult when your self esteem is so low, but I would recommend trying to believe your boyfriend when he says he thinks you're sexy etc..
I know I know it sounds a bit obvious but seriously, next time he says 'wow you're so beautiful' instead of trying to shrug off the comment, FORCE yourself to accept it. Say thank you and just move on, DONT dwell on it thinking 'urgh but I'm not actually beautiful' or whatever, just accept the compliment and move it. Thats just as a start.

I think its the first step thats the hardest (and it sounds so easy) - just accepting what someone who loves you is telling you. Once you can accept it you can move on and in your head start thinking 'hmm.. yeah I guess I am pretty hot :biggrin:', it only gets easier.

You're allowed to accept compliments, dont be all modest! And you're allowed to think you're hot. Woo yay go you hehehe..
Anonymous
Hey all I'm prolly the same girl who started the 'no confidence' thread and the bullying one too. I know I'm sad! :eek:

Anyway last night I tried to have :p: with my other half and we didn't get anywhere because as always, I felt like crap about myself - no confidence whatsoever.

The bullying has affected me this much, even after my BF was saying how lovely and sexy I was, it jst didn't work :redface: Was really *dry* and not wanting to have sex. What is wrong with me I don't think this is normal!!! Am 22 but was a virgin up until 21, wish I wasn't I would've learned SO much more in this area!



i have the same problem:frown:
Reply 15
It's due to you having a low self-esteem and it can be really hard to regain it again, probably years when its been lost. Bullying is a terrible thing, I know how it feels. I was bullied for being quiet in secondary school until I was 15. The bullying just made me even quieter and made me loose confidence. I've gained most of it now, but I must admit I am still a quiet person.

As for the sexual problems, try not to think about how these bullies have made you feel. Think about your boyfriend and how he loves you. He means what he says when he says your sexy, he loves you, etc. He wants to make you feel special, believe him. Focus on how much he cares about you when having sex. If 'dryness' becomes a problem, lube might help. Hope this helps
Reply 16
Anonymous

Was really *dry* and not wanting to have sex.

:p: im the complete opposite!!! if i used the female part hed prolly slid all the way in n never see daylight again hahahaghagh

erm yeah ahgem nowt wrong with u dont worry:redface:
Try lube, and get your boyfriend to kiss all over your sexy body (mmm) and lick your...bean lol. And just play with you, I do that and it gets my gf in the mood even when she isn't...ie I can change her mind :biggrin:

I would say try that physically but also you need to be horny to have sex, and confident. Work on it, maybe buy some sexy underwear. I like underwear...mmm lol.
dry sex is bad