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I don't know who I am anymore
Hello
Lately I have come to realise that the majority of things I do is to please people. Whether it being friends or family. And sometimes I even have to go against what I believe and feel to be accepted. I had many friends at GCSE and got along with them and we go on perfectly. However, now, when at college I feel almost excluded because so many of them have changed. I want to be accepted, yet I don't want to change.
My friends now lie to me, and talk about me, and they disregard me totally from their conversations. I tend not to go out with them any more (out side school) but that is because I feel they dont respect them selves, and I really don't think any one likes going out with people who talk about things and do things that you dont want to. At school I hardly talk to them any more, and to be perfectly honest I have found my self alone. At home, whenever theres a problem I find my self keeping it to my self, because no one is there to listen and to care. I really dont know who my friends are, and who my family are. I dont know who I love any more. I dont even know who I am. I just fine my self doing and saying things to make others happy, or to help me be accepted. I am neither white or the same race as my friends, all I want is for my friends to accept that I am not like them. I want people to accept me as I am, I know I am different, but I dont want to change. I dont talk to know one about my intrests because no one else has these intrests and no one wants to listen. I dont want to pretend I enjoy talking about clothes/make up and material crap, but thats not me, and unfortuantly I cant help that. I really dont know what to do. Am I crazy, is there somehting wrong with me?
Sorry for the long post, and thank you in advance for your replies.
Lately I have come to realise that the majority of things I do is to please people. Whether it being friends or family. And sometimes I even have to go against what I believe and feel to be accepted. I had many friends at GCSE and got along with them and we go on perfectly. However, now, when at college I feel almost excluded because so many of them have changed. I want to be accepted, yet I don't want to change.
My friends now lie to me, and talk about me, and they disregard me totally from their conversations. I tend not to go out with them any more (out side school) but that is because I feel they dont respect them selves, and I really don't think any one likes going out with people who talk about things and do things that you dont want to. At school I hardly talk to them any more, and to be perfectly honest I have found my self alone. At home, whenever theres a problem I find my self keeping it to my self, because no one is there to listen and to care. I really dont know who my friends are, and who my family are. I dont know who I love any more. I dont even know who I am. I just fine my self doing and saying things to make others happy, or to help me be accepted. I am neither white or the same race as my friends, all I want is for my friends to accept that I am not like them. I want people to accept me as I am, I know I am different, but I dont want to change. I dont talk to know one about my intrests because no one else has these intrests and no one wants to listen. I dont want to pretend I enjoy talking about clothes/make up and material crap, but thats not me, and unfortuantly I cant help that. I really dont know what to do. Am I crazy, is there somehting wrong with me?
Sorry for the long post, and thank you in advance for your replies.
Scroll to see replies
You seem like a really nice genuine person, and you deserve friends that are equally as genuine. Maybe its time for a change, colleges are big places so I'm sure there'll be someone with the same interests. It's really hard to move friendship groups which I did constantly but non offensively throughout highschool, in the end its worth it cos I've got a good group of friends now. In terms of pleasing other people I totally get what you mean, I often find I get the grades I do for praise as appose to my own personal development which is shame cos I'll probably look back and wish I'd taken the time to enjoy it more. So I think I'm saying try doing what you want once in a while maybe try with your family first because they tend to be more forgiving. Hope its helped and my blabbering hasn't been too boring!
Hello, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down. You say people aren't interested in the same things as you, but if you look hard enough those people are around! Perhaps you would be having more fun with your current friends if you compromised a bit by joining in conversations you may not always enjoy, combined with spending more time apart, you might begin to warm to them more (although you may be so sick of them that this idea is invalid). Also you say you aren't interested in 'material crap'-perhaps joining some kind of group such as amnesty international or a debating club may be right for you. Don't despair, most people go through bad patches, just try a change, and hope for the best!
Good luck x
Good luck x
Thank you for your post philippa
The thing is, however, our college is really segregated, between whites and asians, and I dont seem to fit in to neither of them. I cant find new friends because no will accept me. I lost all my white friends when i started wearing a scarf, and now I am losing all my asian friends but I dont want to change
Dont get me wrong, I get along with the majority of people, and talk to loads of others that are not asian, however I dont feel I would be accepted as a long term kinda friend to their group, if you understand me.
Sometimes it gets to the stage that I don't want to go to school anymore, sometimes I wish that I could just move.
The thing is, however, our college is really segregated, between whites and asians, and I dont seem to fit in to neither of them. I cant find new friends because no will accept me. I lost all my white friends when i started wearing a scarf, and now I am losing all my asian friends but I dont want to change
Dont get me wrong, I get along with the majority of people, and talk to loads of others that are not asian, however I dont feel I would be accepted as a long term kinda friend to their group, if you understand me.
Sometimes it gets to the stage that I don't want to go to school anymore, sometimes I wish that I could just move.
Thank you for your post humeiscool
I have tried so hard, for the past 6 months, I have pushed my self to the absolute to try and get accepted, It has only been in the recent weeks when i find my self crying each time I come home. I know it may sound silly and stupid but unfortuanly its true. People are making me hate my self, and I cant being to like people like that.
Lets just say I am quiet, shy and very unconfident, I cant join any other group, I would love to, I honestly would love to go out by my self and beging to beleive in my self
But I realy cant see that happening any more
I have tried so hard, for the past 6 months, I have pushed my self to the absolute to try and get accepted, It has only been in the recent weeks when i find my self crying each time I come home. I know it may sound silly and stupid but unfortuanly its true. People are making me hate my self, and I cant being to like people like that.
Lets just say I am quiet, shy and very unconfident, I cant join any other group, I would love to, I honestly would love to go out by my self and beging to beleive in my self
But I realy cant see that happening any more
Anonymous
Thank you for your post philippa
The thing is, however, our college is really segregated, between whites and asians, and I dont seem to fit in to neither of them. I cant find new friends because no will accept me. I lost all my white friends when i started wearing a scarf, and now I am losing all my asian friends but I dont want to change
Dont get me wrong, I get along with the majority of people, and talk to loads of others that are not asian, however I dont feel I would be accepted as a long term kinda friend to their group, if you understand me.
Sometimes it gets to the stage that I don't want to go to school anymore, sometimes I wish that I could just move.
The thing is, however, our college is really segregated, between whites and asians, and I dont seem to fit in to neither of them. I cant find new friends because no will accept me. I lost all my white friends when i started wearing a scarf, and now I am losing all my asian friends but I dont want to change
Dont get me wrong, I get along with the majority of people, and talk to loads of others that are not asian, however I dont feel I would be accepted as a long term kinda friend to their group, if you understand me.
Sometimes it gets to the stage that I don't want to go to school anymore, sometimes I wish that I could just move.
What ethincy are you?
Anonymous
What ethincy are you?
Why do you need to be anonymous to post that?
I dont want to say, as some people I know come on this site. But I am not Asain
The best way I've always found to find out who I am is to find a hill somewhere where no one goes, just sit up there for several hours in the evening, and with no distractions around at all, and just being able to look over the city / town you'll be free to think about anything and everything. There is something about watching the sunset from a secluded spot that enables me to just relax mentally and think about anything.
Hope this helps.
Hope this helps.
Thank you for your reply canadian
It seems a good idea, and I bet its a wonderful and relaxing experience
But theres no hills where I live
lol Thank you again
It seems a good idea, and I bet its a wonderful and relaxing experience
But theres no hills where I live
lol Thank you again
I know how you feel. I went through exactly the same thing with my friends, one in particular. I did everything I could to try and fit in, to try and make them happy with the result that I lost myself. To other people it looked like I was making a conscious effort to be like them but the fact was that I wasn't trying to be them, I was just trying to rediscover me. This has ended with me losing one of my closest friends completely and being astranged from others.
My advice is, before you think about changing (I wouldn't), find yourself because if you don't know who you are, how can anyone else! I agree with "the Canadian", go and find somewhere quiet and secluded where you can just think about yourself, or even, think about nothing. Just sit. Its amazing how much better this will make you feel. You do sound like a really nice person and it would be a shame if no one else got to see that.
Good luck
x
P.S. sorry for the long post!
My advice is, before you think about changing (I wouldn't), find yourself because if you don't know who you are, how can anyone else! I agree with "the Canadian", go and find somewhere quiet and secluded where you can just think about yourself, or even, think about nothing. Just sit. Its amazing how much better this will make you feel. You do sound like a really nice person and it would be a shame if no one else got to see that.
Good luck
x
P.S. sorry for the long post!
Thank you very very very much for your post Teenie
You too sound like a very wonderful person, like everyone else who replied to this thread
I reall appreciate your replies
I think I know who I am, but others are making me feel that I dont want to be who I am
Others are making me feel alone, and even if i do change (which I really dont want to) people wont accept me
They have gone through 6 months of rejecting me, they wont accept me
I have throught about it, really, long and hard, I spend most of my time thinking, but it just makes me feeling sad, and more upset
Thank you again people
I love you
You too sound like a very wonderful person, like everyone else who replied to this thread
I reall appreciate your replies
I think I know who I am, but others are making me feel that I dont want to be who I am
Others are making me feel alone, and even if i do change (which I really dont want to) people wont accept me
They have gone through 6 months of rejecting me, they wont accept me
I have throught about it, really, long and hard, I spend most of my time thinking, but it just makes me feeling sad, and more upset
Thank you again people
I love you
Just to add, I *know* who I *want* to be, I just feel my circumstances arnt letting me that person
I know how you feel, and I wasn't so different myself. I'm asian, as are a lot of people in my school, but I never really identified with them in terms of music that I like, or any of that stuff.
Basically, don't be afraid to be yourself. I soon learned that I was much better than them, and if they didn't like me, tough luck, their loss. I went out and did my own thing- I'm quite political (which no-one else I knew was) so I joined the local youth council, joined the UK Youth Parliament, joined a political party. Basically, I did what it took to be active and social with people who had similar interests to me. In time, people accepted me for who I was, and they soon started to respect me. And that's better than just being "popular".
Basically, don't be afraid to be yourself. I soon learned that I was much better than them, and if they didn't like me, tough luck, their loss. I went out and did my own thing- I'm quite political (which no-one else I knew was) so I joined the local youth council, joined the UK Youth Parliament, joined a political party. Basically, I did what it took to be active and social with people who had similar interests to me. In time, people accepted me for who I was, and they soon started to respect me. And that's better than just being "popular".
wow
Politics is the one thing I like, but have no one to talk to about. No body cares, and the majority know very little about it tbh!
It isnt about music or anything, people just look down at me for what I am
They openly swear, and to them, they think they are "stronger" in a sense because of it
Wheras I dont swear, and I am slightly weaker as in confidence, but that isnt because of I am not a foul mouth
Politics is the one thing I like, but have no one to talk to about. No body cares, and the majority know very little about it tbh!
It isnt about music or anything, people just look down at me for what I am
They openly swear, and to them, they think they are "stronger" in a sense because of it
Wheras I dont swear, and I am slightly weaker as in confidence, but that isnt because of I am not a foul mouth
I can relate to how you feel - I too often cannot share my secret self or my true interests with many people, and I often feel I have become a robot that does not exude any personality and locks it inside, not consciously, but as naturally as breathing. However, don't despair - there are people with whom you will not feel this way, and you feel you can portray your natural self, as they will have similar interests and be more receptive to your own. In your case, you appear not to be surrounding by any people of this type. To me it is a case of being socially incompatible - don't let it get you down, and be proud of who you are. When you go to university, you will probably meet more intellectual and agreeable people where you will feel happier.
Thank you so much Eien
It was so nice of you to post. To me, it isnt about sharing the same intrests, its about accepting me with those intrests
I really can't wait to go to university, as you said, meeting new people there will be great. I really cant wait
It was so nice of you to post. To me, it isnt about sharing the same intrests, its about accepting me with those intrests
I really can't wait to go to university, as you said, meeting new people there will be great. I really cant wait
Anonymous
Thank you so much Eien
It was so nice of you to post. To me, it isnt about sharing the same intrests, its about accepting me with those interests
I really can't wait to go to university, as you said, meeting new people there will be great. I really cant wait
It was so nice of you to post. To me, it isnt about sharing the same intrests, its about accepting me with those interests
I really can't wait to go to university, as you said, meeting new people there will be great. I really cant wait
No problem
It's the same with me - I don't really mind what interests other people have, as long as we are open minded to each other's, and more importantly to our own personalities. I used to feel lonely like you when I had no true friends, and I could never feel "at home" with anybody, because like you, I never wanted to change who I was. Some people cope by changing to "fit in" or mask their insecurity by cockiness and arrogance, but this only works for the short term.
Eien
I can relate to how you feel - I too often cannot share my secret self or my true interests with many people, and I often feel I have become a robot that does not exude any personality and locks it inside, not consciously, but as naturally as breathing. However, don't despair - there are people with whom you will not feel this way, and you feel you can portray your natural self, as they will have similar interests and be more receptive to your own. In your case, you appear not to be surrounding by any people of this type. To me it is a case of being socially incompatible - don't let it get you down, and be proud of who you are. When you go to university, you will probably meet more intellectual and agreeable people where you will feel happier.
Great post mate.
Bump
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