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Please, please help.
Hello, i posted this months and montha ago and am posting i again, the same problems still apply, and more!
My boyfriend and i have been together for over 2years. We have always had a love/hate relationship. One day were completely content, the next its a bit like we hate each other.
However, he has always treated me (88%) of the time (lol) great. The other (12%) of the time we have had huge rows and got on extreemly badly.
Now we have been together this long, i feel our relationship is far less important to him than it originally was. We started off great, 'rocking each others worlds' so to speak.
Now however, i feel i come second to EVERYTHING else in his life. One of the main reasons we've stayed together this long (im fussy when it comes to relationships) is the romantic thoughtful gestures he used to make for the first.... year? Since then all the things that i love about him seem to have kind of gone down the pan.
We row alot, which i know he has almost caused him to end it between us, as he just cant live with it. Time and time again we have sworn to change, and we have, well I have but it seems his efforts to make this work are becoming less each day. I talk to him about it but he says he WILL make effort etc, but it seems he never does.
I know its a hard relationship to keep up as we are both busy, especially him, his brother is very reliant on him and i find this hard sometimes. He always always always comes to my house late, never makes time to do anything, and our sex life is non existent as i just don't see him in a sexual light anymore.
He's my first love, first PROPER boyfriend and ive given everything to him. However, he had a hard life in the respect that he's in alot of debt, works really really hard as he has a mortgage with his brother, and is always busy trying to make money fix things, ebay anything.
He doesn't have much of a social life, and always says things like 'i couldnt go on without you' and 'if you ever left me i couldnt go on, your the only thing i look forward too' which in a way is true as i'm the only thing that allows him to relax, and have fun.
But how could i leave him knowing i will break his heart and take away the only thing that makes him happy? I feel SO SO guilty, and i might even regret it.
Also, i don't know if he would allow us to be friends which i'd reeeeally want. I just don't know what to do. I don't wanna loose him but by breaking up with him i will, i know for a fact he'd take it terribly and not want to be friends or talk it all through, which would kill me.
I'm the only thing that brings a smile to his face, what will he do if i take that away? He'll practically have no one
But i think we've become more friends than boy and girlfriend. He however, disagrees and thinks we are fine, has no real aspiarations to go anywhere wheras i want to get as much life experience as possible.
Thanks for reading sorry its long. Rep for really good advice.xxx
My boyfriend and i have been together for over 2years. We have always had a love/hate relationship. One day were completely content, the next its a bit like we hate each other.
However, he has always treated me (88%) of the time (lol) great. The other (12%) of the time we have had huge rows and got on extreemly badly.
Now we have been together this long, i feel our relationship is far less important to him than it originally was. We started off great, 'rocking each others worlds' so to speak.
Now however, i feel i come second to EVERYTHING else in his life. One of the main reasons we've stayed together this long (im fussy when it comes to relationships) is the romantic thoughtful gestures he used to make for the first.... year? Since then all the things that i love about him seem to have kind of gone down the pan.
We row alot, which i know he has almost caused him to end it between us, as he just cant live with it. Time and time again we have sworn to change, and we have, well I have but it seems his efforts to make this work are becoming less each day. I talk to him about it but he says he WILL make effort etc, but it seems he never does.
I know its a hard relationship to keep up as we are both busy, especially him, his brother is very reliant on him and i find this hard sometimes. He always always always comes to my house late, never makes time to do anything, and our sex life is non existent as i just don't see him in a sexual light anymore.
He's my first love, first PROPER boyfriend and ive given everything to him. However, he had a hard life in the respect that he's in alot of debt, works really really hard as he has a mortgage with his brother, and is always busy trying to make money fix things, ebay anything.
He doesn't have much of a social life, and always says things like 'i couldnt go on without you' and 'if you ever left me i couldnt go on, your the only thing i look forward too' which in a way is true as i'm the only thing that allows him to relax, and have fun.
But how could i leave him knowing i will break his heart and take away the only thing that makes him happy? I feel SO SO guilty, and i might even regret it.
Also, i don't know if he would allow us to be friends which i'd reeeeally want. I just don't know what to do. I don't wanna loose him but by breaking up with him i will, i know for a fact he'd take it terribly and not want to be friends or talk it all through, which would kill me.
I'm the only thing that brings a smile to his face, what will he do if i take that away? He'll practically have no one
But i think we've become more friends than boy and girlfriend. He however, disagrees and thinks we are fine, has no real aspiarations to go anywhere wheras i want to get as much life experience as possible.
Thanks for reading sorry its long. Rep for really good advice.xxx
urz_4eva
heyyy.. dont break his heart. Stay with him u guys r going along great and will. Relationships always have obstacles to pass. Jus let go things as they r. Dont be so concerned. im jus feeling so sorry for ur boyfriend so dont breakup with him.. 
Why do you feel sorry for him?
We are not going great at all!
Have you tried talking to each other about how you feel? If your relationship is causing you to not live a happy life, then is it really worth it?
You have to think about yourself as well as your boyfriend
You have to think about yourself as well as your boyfriend
I think you've answered this one by yourself.
If you're feeling the way you are, then that relationship is over. Even if he doesn't feel it, a relationship is a two-way thing, and if you're not in it, then it doesn't really exist.
But you're friends. And for that 88% of the time (lol, nice accuracy!) that was good, you have good memories of each other, and good times to look forward to. Be his friend, be there for him when he needs it: company, friendship, someone to talk to. But not his girlfriend.
Does any of this make sense? I hope so, because you sound a great person who he really can depend on, just not someone in a proper relationship at the moment.
I'm the only thing that brings a smile to his face, what will he do if i take that away? He'll practically have no one
But i think we've become more friends than boy and girlfriend. He however, disagrees and thinks we are fine, has no real aspiarations to go anywhere wheras i want to get as much life experience as possible.
But i think we've become more friends than boy and girlfriend. He however, disagrees and thinks we are fine, has no real aspiarations to go anywhere wheras i want to get as much life experience as possible.
If you're feeling the way you are, then that relationship is over. Even if he doesn't feel it, a relationship is a two-way thing, and if you're not in it, then it doesn't really exist.
But you're friends. And for that 88% of the time (lol, nice accuracy!) that was good, you have good memories of each other, and good times to look forward to. Be his friend, be there for him when he needs it: company, friendship, someone to talk to. But not his girlfriend.
Does any of this make sense? I hope so, because you sound a great person who he really can depend on, just not someone in a proper relationship at the moment.
At the end of the day, if you are heading in different directions then eventually its going to end in tears. Do you honestly see yourself with him in years to come? Does the thought make you happy or terrified for the things you wont get to do in life? Don't let this one decision dictate how you will lead your life, you can't let your judgement be clouded by his emotions.
If he hasnt changed so far, then will he ever change? I understand it will be hard for you, but if you have given up on the relationship, and truly think you are at a dead end, you must let him go, before both of you get even more hurt.
If however, you want to give it a try, if he makes you as happy as you make him, which is ofcourse most important...then give it another shot. Give him another chance to prove himself, maybe he is just under stress, maybe he knows he cant provide for you like he wants to? and it gets him down?
Either way, best of luck..
If he hasnt changed so far, then will he ever change? I understand it will be hard for you, but if you have given up on the relationship, and truly think you are at a dead end, you must let him go, before both of you get even more hurt.
If however, you want to give it a try, if he makes you as happy as you make him, which is ofcourse most important...then give it another shot. Give him another chance to prove himself, maybe he is just under stress, maybe he knows he cant provide for you like he wants to? and it gets him down?
Either way, best of luck..
you can be his friend and be there for him, thats probs better than carryin on in a relationship that looks like it wont last then he'll have nothing....
yeah i agree with what everyone else has said to be honest, if your heart is no longer in it and you are no longer attracted to him like that and do not see it going anywhere.. then.. it's time to call it quits.. i know it's hard but it's necessary.. just be tactful and I'm sure in time he will come round to see that your'e right and you can work on just being friends. even if you just go on a break for a while and are just friends and see if it helps..anything but go on the way you are with him as it isn't fair on either of you. xx hope it works out
Before I agree with all of the others, and say that this realtionship sounds like it isn't working out, just remember that all relationships lose that initial 'sparke' feeling when people settle down and/or get used to each other. Things change, they get 'comfortable' - is this what's happening and you don't like it, or is the relationship itself not working? That's the key question you need to answer.
I know the spark has gone, i don't think thats the problem
I'd say end it. Breaking up is hard to do, as they say, and nobody's pretending that you'll break up with him and he'll go "oh, all right then" because he might not. However, you've got to think of yourself here as much as of him. And in any case, if he's as unreasonable as you say:
...then it doesn't make for a happy relationship. Would you want to live your life with someone who is that unreasonable about anything?!
Sorry if that isn't what you want to hear. There's never a 'good' time to break up with someone. Hope I helped a little.
Anonymous
i know for a fact he'd take it terribly and not want to be friends or talk it all through
...then it doesn't make for a happy relationship. Would you want to live your life with someone who is that unreasonable about anything?!
Sorry if that isn't what you want to hear. There's never a 'good' time to break up with someone. Hope I helped a little.
Ok i can tell you exactly what to do, i have been in his exact same position. My first long term girlfriend and i were together for 2 years and after a while i got to comfortable with her and starting putting friends etc first. Anyway she broke up with me, and it wasnt till she did that i realised how much i needed her and how much more of an effort i needed to make. Now we have been apart for some time, but were getting back together and i cant wait. But i guess the idea of it is, you dont know what youve got till its gone.
Choey
But i guess the idea of it is, you dont know what youve got till its gone.
So you dont think i should then?
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