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hawheehaw
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Report Thread starter 16 years ago
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hawheehaw
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presebjenada
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#2
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why wont you have enough a level points?
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presebjenada
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(Original post by hawheehaw)
Because Im only doing 1 A level.
well if thats the case , unless the reason is mentioned somewhere else in your application you ought to say in the ps.. since it might be a bit off putting if they dont know why.. is it illness? or what?
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presebjenada
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ok great, well then leave out that sentence all together otherwise youre merely highlighting again what they already know. theres no point repeating what subjects youre doing because a) its wasting space and b)theyll already know because it will say somewhere else on rest of the application so dont repeat it in the ps..otherwise it will just highlight it.. other than that i think the ps is good - and highlights lots of positive things youve done which is good
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deary_ma_leary
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(Original post by hawheehaw)
hey. Im applying for a diploma course in nursing, just wondered if anyone can help improve my personal statement - as I know its pretty crap atm.

Here's what I got so far:

In choosing what may be a worthwhile ..........study the Nursing Science course. The experience of working in a hospital in a city environment is something I look forward to, as well as contributing to university life.

many thanks
hey. i read this over and i think it's good. however i think you should perhaps (see what other people think too coz im not sure) rework the 1st paragraph a bit. it sounds like you're applying to this course simply for a good chance of a job and money after (im not saying that you are) but that's what it sounds like and even if its true, perhaps make it more that you want to nurse and the fact that the nhs has so many oppurtunities...you know? let me know what you think. dearyxxx
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presebjenada
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(Original post by deary_ma_leary)
hey. i read this over and i think it's good. however i think you should perhaps (see what other people think too coz im not sure) rework the 1st paragraph a bit. it sounds like you're applying to this course simply for a good chance of a job and money after (im not saying that you are) but that's what it sounds like and even if its true, perhaps make it more that you want to nurse and the fact that the nhs has so many oppurtunities...you know? let me know what you think. dearyxxx
i htought so to.. they want to know why you want to study their course, not how you think their course will make you rich/get you a job
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dazzy
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the personal statement is very good on one hand, however, i find that saying the NHS, being the largest employer etc etc......is quite offputting. it appears you are doing saying it, because you admire the ease of getting the nursing job, once you graduate.

I mean, if i was a university tutor selecting cadidates, i would rather reject someone who wants to come on the nursing course, simply because of the motive of getting a job straight away. It is your job to show them that your desire, (which you have done quite well) is to do nursing "for the sake of nursing!"

I may be wrong in what i say, and i am sure others will help you to the best personal statement possible.
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