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Found out guy I slept with has a girlfriend

On Monday I was out with a group of friends boozing and partying, I spent quite a lot of time talking to a guy called Neil, who I had met a few times before and is very good friends with a couple of my best mates. At the end of the night him & I set off in the same direction from the bar and I stopped off at his to warm up because I had forgotten to take a jacket out with me & it was freezing. We were both fairly drunk and ended up having consensual, protected sex.

He was extremely keen that I not mention this to anyone and seemed kind of ashamed about it almost as soon as we were done. This got me to wondering and I found out (after some discrete inquiries) that he has a girlfriend of 7 years who is currently living in another part of the country.

I'm pretty annoyed to have been made into the 'other woman' without my knowledge and was wondering if it is appropriate to talk to Neil and let him know how I feel? I'm certainly not planning to tell our friends or for the information to get back to his girlfriend because I think that is his problem to deal with. However I've just been feeling pretty sickened by the whole thing and want some advice on the best way to handle it..do nothing or clear the air with Neil? I don't have feelings for the guy & I'm not interested in anything further happening, I'd just like to set things straight and move on.

Reply 1

President_Ben

15

Do nothing and forget about it all sounds like a fine plan.

Reply 2

Adhsur

15

Yes, unfortunately I think it's his problem now not yours. If it had really mattered that much to you, you would have set a lot of things straight before you slept with him. Now what's done is done so anything you do will be pointless.

Reply 3

SamTheMan

17

LOL what I find amazing, is that none of you girls actually think about what a scumbag the guy is... Maybe give him a ring and see where things go? Are you asking to be treated like dirt all your life?

He was extremely keen that I not mention this to anyone and seemed kind of ashamed about it almost as soon as we were done.

Excuse me, but that's pretty much insulting. "Now that I've had my shag, I'd rather noone knew about it." Lovely.

And people say romance is dead. :rolleyes:

I'm pretty annoyed to have been made into the 'other woman' without my knowledge

I think that describing yourself as the "other woman" is probably a bit optimistic. I think that in his mind, it's a lot less flattering...

Reply 4

technik

13

you're both a bit easy and naive by the sounds of things.

Reply 5

SamTheMan

17

technik

you're both a bit easy and naive by the sounds of things.

I think naive is the keyword.

Reply 6

Schroedinger's Pandora

13

His poor girlfriend!!! :mad:

Shes going out with a dog and I think she should know it!!!!!!!!!!!

You got used.

Harsh but fair.

Reply 7

Knogle

16

President_Ben

Do nothing and forget about it all sounds like a fine plan.

You should consider this advice seriously.

Reply 8

Talya

16

You should find his girlfriend and tell her

Reply 9

Sheen

11

Adhsur

Yes, unfortunately I think it's his problem now not yours. If it had really mattered that much to you, you would have set a lot of things straight before you slept with him. Now what's done is done so anything you do will be pointless.

yeah i agree.
yes the guy is a scumbag but theres not much you can do is there.

Reply 10

jointhedots

16

Talya

You should find his girlfriend and tell her

As far as I'm aware, she's not a 15 year old.

Reply 11

JadedHippy

11

Talya

You should find his girlfriend and tell her

I agree.

*Jaded

Reply 12

Purple

18

You slept with someone you barely knew, what do you expect?

Reply 13

Choey

welcome to the 21st century...

Tell the girlfriend

You're right - you don't need to tell the g/f. Any relationship problems they have should remain his. Just keep handling things maturely - speak to him if you really feel the need to, just don't get emotive, stick to the point you want to make, though tis possible that he won't want to talk about it.

You got used.

I disagree - she says she doesn't having feelings for him, so she wasn't expecting anything except sex, which it seems they both wanted.

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

I love how people just 'end up' having sex. Why on earth would you have sex with someone you only just met? I couldn't fathom even being in this situation. You can't really get annoyed that he has a girlfriend because you didn't even know him enough for it to have come up in conversation. He probably just saw you as an easy lay and couldn't care less what you have to say about the girlfriend. I suggest you just forget about it and maybe next time be a bit more selective in who you sleep with.

Reply 17

Segat1

16

Quite simply you need to tell his girlfriend. Put yourself in her shoes - would you like to be kept in the dark about this.

Consider how many other people he has done this with - you probably aren't the only one. At least you were safe.

He's a tool. Get over it, tell the GF and in future ensure you know who you sleep with.

Reply 18

high priestess fnord

9

it was a one night stand, you both enjoyed it, there isnt a problem. the whole point about one night stands is that there are no strings attatched and you owe the other person *nothing*. the girlfriend is nothing to do with you so dont feel guilty because it wasnt your fault, if it bothers you then just be sure you dont do it agin.

Reply 19

Laursy

10

it was just sex!!

don't look to much into to it!!

certianly don't get in touch with him as you will be then asking for trouble and to be the other woman or so to speck,
you consider yourself the other woman after a one night stand, thats abit arrogant,

did you not stop to think, hold on why would he ask me back to his? not just to get warm you are abit naive,

forget about him, why get anooyed about it, theres millions of other guys, ive done it in the past and its best to forget about!!

Found out guy I slept with has a girlfriend

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