Am I being unreasonable?

I was with my ex girlfriend for 18months, and we broke up about 4 months ago. We both attend the same 6 form and are very very close. We both consider each other best friends.

Since we broke up, she had a relationship with a guy at 6 form, but didn't work out, mainly because he didn't like the closeness of her friendship with her ex, me.

However she only broke up with him a week ago. And last wednesday we were talking and I suggested we go to the cinema on friday with a few other friends, however she said no, saying she was busy as she had a family night in planned with her parents. I thought at the time this was very weird as they never do anything together on fridays nights. However I left it at that.

However I decided to ask her again on msn what she was "really" doing on friday and she said the same as before. I even asked her face to face if she was meeting this lad she had said something about while with the other lad in 6 form, and she got quite angry with me that I didn't believe her, So In the end up actually belived her.

Then on saturday morning she text me telling me saying that she actually went on a date with this lad on friday and didn't tell me because she didn't want anyone to know.

Now, I am angry at this because of the blatent lies she said 2 me, and feel hurt by this. And I am not talking to her now since saturday morning, she has appolgised by text but still.

Am I being unreasonable?

Reply 1

high priestess fnord

9

she betrayed you by lying but it rele wasnt ne of your business to begin with.

Reply 2

TomX

14

Being best friends I would have thought she'd have told you. I don't think you were unreasonable.

Reply 3

NickMorgan

OP

You believe it's not any of my business? But she considers me as her best friend....I would say it is to be honest :confused:

Reply 4

NickMorgan

OP

but its the actual lying to my face that hurts....I wouldn't think may people lie to their best friends.

Reply 5

jointhedots

16

NickMorgan

but its the actual lying to my face that hurts....I wouldn't think may people lie to their best friends.

I wouldn't neccessarily tell my friends or even my best friend if I was going on a date, because I wouldn't want to look like a tit if it was crap and didn't work out at all! Don't take it personally :smile:

Reply 6

gideon2000uk

9

Don't listen to these people. Your friendship probably transcends what most people would consider a best friend to be and you guys probably still might even love each other!

I think she probably didn't tell you because she was frightened you would be hurt - the real solution is for you two to discuss your emotions towards each other instead of locking yourself away from them!

Reply 7

CalculusMan

10

I believe that you have every right to feel hurt.

Reply 8

dusk

you've only been broken up four months... maybe she feels uneasy telling you the ins and outs of her new relationship, and wants to keep a little distance between you and it, particularly if that's what broke it up in the first place. It doesn't mean she doesn't care... she just isn't sure how to deal with both you and him, because on some level the relationships conflict.

Reply 9

NickMorgan

OP

I see their is a mixed response, so I don't know what to think now. But thanks for you help.

Reply 10

PaperMoon

I think not talking to her is unreasonable. Talk to her and sort it out, if you really are best friends why fall out over this.

I think you can't help feeling hurt, everyone feels hurt when they're lied to.But, she felt bad for lying, that's why she told you the truth the morning after.

Reply 11

ChemistBoy

16

At the end of the day, you can't escape the history that you've had and I think that is what this is really about. I suggest you just take a period of 'cool off' and try and move away from being 'best friends' - it'll probably make things easier.

Reply 12

minicoopa

1

yeh u were angry....but i mean she apologised... isnt being friends all about being able to forgive and forget, so long as u know she means it?

Reply 13

bedbug

14

Sure, you're justified to be a bit hurt that she lied to you, but she's your best friend - she wouldn't have done it on purpose, she was most likely just worried in case it didn't go to plan and then she had to face you asking her all about it.

I wouldn't worry about it all, she was only being a girl and planning for the worst unnecessarily :p:

Reply 14

LubyLoo

2

Being best friends with an ex I would argue is extremely difficult, especially because you both went from a relationship to a friendship straight away without a proper 'break' from each other.

She probably didn't tell you not to be scheming, but because she didn't want to hurt you.

I think you need to talk, and try and spend some time apart. Being best friends straight after an 18 month relationship must be difficult.

Reply 15

hallucination

1

As others have said, it's very hard to be friends with an ex, especially one you were with for 18 months. Maybe you should have a break from each other for a while? She probably didn't want to tell you because if you're not seeing someone at the moment, it might have seemed like she was rubbing it in your face that she is actively dating.

Reply 16

Tyler Durden

17

She may not have told you as your relationship with one another is what caused the end of her previous r'ship. Or she doesn't want you to be hurt as someone suggested. Are there still lingering feelings between you two?

Am I being unreasonable?

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