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The opportune moment...
This is partially a continuation of a thread I started a while ago about a girl that I love who is going out to Canada in July. For those new to the plot, at Easter, I'm planning on telling her how I feel about her, and that I love her etc... so I don't regret leaving it too late to tell her.
For when she leaves, I've bought her a claddagh (friendship) ring, and she keeps on saying to all of her friends not to get her any leaving gifts. Now, she knows me as being a right sneaky S.O.B. at the best of times, in order to give her gifts (gave her a Christmas prezzie as a New Year's gift so she couldn't complain) and she also knows that half the time, when she tells me not to do something, I'll do it anyway.
The dilemma occurs when I've been thinking about the opportune moment to give her the ring.
Should I give it to her at her leaving party, when she'll just tell me off for getting her the ring, but she'll love it and remember it as a leaving gift...
...or...
...do I give it to her at Easter and tie it in with the whole I love you mini speech thing I'm hoping to get the courage to do, when I think it'll mean a lot more to her, but then I won't have a leaving gift for her as such.
What should I do?
Personally, I'm leaning towards at Easter with the whole "I love you" doo dah, but I'd like some opinions.
Girls, if you were going to leave the country for good, and not see one of your best friends for a while, when would you want to receive a gift like this?
Thanks
For when she leaves, I've bought her a claddagh (friendship) ring, and she keeps on saying to all of her friends not to get her any leaving gifts. Now, she knows me as being a right sneaky S.O.B. at the best of times, in order to give her gifts (gave her a Christmas prezzie as a New Year's gift so she couldn't complain) and she also knows that half the time, when she tells me not to do something, I'll do it anyway.
The dilemma occurs when I've been thinking about the opportune moment to give her the ring.
Should I give it to her at her leaving party, when she'll just tell me off for getting her the ring, but she'll love it and remember it as a leaving gift...
...or...
...do I give it to her at Easter and tie it in with the whole I love you mini speech thing I'm hoping to get the courage to do, when I think it'll mean a lot more to her, but then I won't have a leaving gift for her as such.
What should I do?
Personally, I'm leaning towards at Easter with the whole "I love you" doo dah, but I'd like some opinions.
Girls, if you were going to leave the country for good, and not see one of your best friends for a while, when would you want to receive a gift like this?
Thanks
Reply 2
Thanks 
I like the idea bout a little bit of a gap between telling her and giving her the ring.
Oh gawd I'm gonna be sooo nervous!! I can try a backflip snowboarding on dry slope, I can jump on a moving car, hell I can even have a gun in my face and not be nervous, but this, this is shredding my nerves completely! (I might incorporate that into the mini-speech actually
)
I like the idea bout a little bit of a gap between telling her and giving her the ring.
Oh gawd I'm gonna be sooo nervous!! I can try a backflip snowboarding on dry slope, I can jump on a moving car, hell I can even have a gun in my face and not be nervous, but this, this is shredding my nerves completely! (I might incorporate that into the mini-speech actually
)Reply 3
no, no really dont!
Reply 4
Sorry to go slightly off topic, but I immediately thought 'Pirates Of The Carribean'!!...
[i'm a bit of a fanatic, don't hate me]
[i'm a bit of a fanatic, don't hate me]
Reply 5
I'm going to speak out against the normal trend of what people say here.
Every time there is a thread like this all the replies are along the lines of "yeah go for it, life's too short to have regrets" and I often wonder whether the people posting that would actually take their own advice if they were in the same situation.
My philosophy on these "telling a friend you're in love with them" threads is that you need to be careful and examine very carefully whether you think they actually like you and are waiting for you to make the first move, or are just a close friend. Because if it is the second, the more you come full on to them, they will feel saddled with the most terrible guilt and it will change things between you no matter how much you try and insist that it won't.
In Hollywood it always has a happy ending but these situations are not a straight alternative of "it works or it doesn't" - peoples feelings on both sides are at stake and spare a thought for the person who was enjoying a friendship only to have it sprung on them that the friend actually wanted more than they can deliver.
Now I've read your other thread and you said that something has definitely changed between the two of you, and for the better - if that is teh case and your intuition is telling you that she does actually want more and is waiting for you to make the move, then go for it.
But think very carefully about whether that is actually the case.
If it is a case of you wanting something so badly that you are ignoring your gut judgement, then you are going to end up just wanting.
Every time there is a thread like this all the replies are along the lines of "yeah go for it, life's too short to have regrets" and I often wonder whether the people posting that would actually take their own advice if they were in the same situation.
My philosophy on these "telling a friend you're in love with them" threads is that you need to be careful and examine very carefully whether you think they actually like you and are waiting for you to make the first move, or are just a close friend. Because if it is the second, the more you come full on to them, they will feel saddled with the most terrible guilt and it will change things between you no matter how much you try and insist that it won't.
In Hollywood it always has a happy ending but these situations are not a straight alternative of "it works or it doesn't" - peoples feelings on both sides are at stake and spare a thought for the person who was enjoying a friendship only to have it sprung on them that the friend actually wanted more than they can deliver.
Now I've read your other thread and you said that something has definitely changed between the two of you, and for the better - if that is teh case and your intuition is telling you that she does actually want more and is waiting for you to make the move, then go for it.
But think very carefully about whether that is actually the case.
If it is a case of you wanting something so badly that you are ignoring your gut judgement, then you are going to end up just wanting.
Reply 6
Personally, I say give her the ring, then explain it with the whole 'i love you' speech.... something along the lines of, I know you said no gifts, but I had to... why, because well, there is something I have to tell you.
But I'm a guy, so I don't know how good my advice is?
But I'm a guy, so I don't know how good my advice is?
Reply 7
MagicNMedicine
I'm going to speak out against the normal trend of what people say here.
Every time there is a thread like this all the replies are along the lines of "yeah go for it, life's too short to have regrets" and I often wonder whether the people posting that would actually take their own advice if they were in the same situation.
My philosophy on these "telling a friend you're in love with them" threads is that you need to be careful and examine very carefully whether you think they actually like you and are waiting for you to make the first move, or are just a close friend. Because if it is the second, the more you come full on to them, they will feel saddled with the most terrible guilt and it will change things between you no matter how much you try and insist that it won't.
In Hollywood it always has a happy ending but these situations are not a straight alternative of "it works or it doesn't" - peoples feelings on both sides are at stake and spare a thought for the person who was enjoying a friendship only to have it sprung on them that the friend actually wanted more than they can deliver.
Now I've read your other thread and you said that something has definitely changed between the two of you, and for the better - if that is teh case and your intuition is telling you that she does actually want more and is waiting for you to make the move, then go for it.
But think very carefully about whether that is actually the case.
If it is a case of you wanting something so badly that you are ignoring your gut judgement, then you are going to end up just wanting.
Every time there is a thread like this all the replies are along the lines of "yeah go for it, life's too short to have regrets" and I often wonder whether the people posting that would actually take their own advice if they were in the same situation.
My philosophy on these "telling a friend you're in love with them" threads is that you need to be careful and examine very carefully whether you think they actually like you and are waiting for you to make the first move, or are just a close friend. Because if it is the second, the more you come full on to them, they will feel saddled with the most terrible guilt and it will change things between you no matter how much you try and insist that it won't.
In Hollywood it always has a happy ending but these situations are not a straight alternative of "it works or it doesn't" - peoples feelings on both sides are at stake and spare a thought for the person who was enjoying a friendship only to have it sprung on them that the friend actually wanted more than they can deliver.
Now I've read your other thread and you said that something has definitely changed between the two of you, and for the better - if that is teh case and your intuition is telling you that she does actually want more and is waiting for you to make the move, then go for it.
But think very carefully about whether that is actually the case.
If it is a case of you wanting something so badly that you are ignoring your gut judgement, then you are going to end up just wanting.
That is good advice, and I'd give nearly the same to someone else, and we are very close friends, and trust me, I'd put her happiness way before mine any day, which is why I've asked for the advice on here.
I'm gonna play it by ear, and if an opportunity arises where I feel I can tell her, then I will. I still don't know if it is wishful thinking, but when I told her I was finding uni boring and I might be headed out to Canada sooner than planned, I'd never seen her so happy in a long time. She was actually embarrassed about how excited she was, so I think that is a good sign.
Oh, and I'm gonna make sure she knows that if she doesn't feel the same way, that it won't change the friendship one bit, hence the ring. And please not the fact that I love her, I'm not asking to go out with her (not yet anyway). I just want to tell her my emotions for her and how much I care without leaving it till she's gone and then kicking myself for the rest of my life.
And another thing, ALL of my friends have been joking about me fancying her to bits and she knows that, and I don't know if I'm that easy to read, or what, but it wouldn't surprise me if she had a notion that I love for her.
By the way, is it sad that I practiced saying some stuff to myself in the mirror? Crazy thing is, I got so nervous my hands were shaking like mad and that was just a little run through, to get some words in my mind!!!
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