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really worried about my mum
I really dont know what to do anymore. My mum seems really depressed all the time and there doesnt seem to be anything she'll do to help herself. The situation is now really bad as she doesnt do anything nice for herself, for example, she never buys new clothes, never goes to the hairdressers, never wears makeup and she just stays at home all day doing housework. I think shes losing interest in herself and her appearance, she has no friends at all and I feel so bad as she has such a dull life.
Shes constantly in a bad mood and she doesnt really speak to my dad, even though they still live together. Lately shes been making comments about how bad her life is and it upsets me when she says stuff like "dont be surprised if I divorce your dad because I hate him" etc as shes been threatening to divorce him for years. Shes even said that she wants to hang herself before! I really dont like seeing her so unhappy. She also tries to play my dad off against me and makes me feel guilty for even talking to him, and I feel so bad because Im quite close to him and we have a laugh whereas he never talks to her or anything unless theyre arguing!
I've tried to suggest things to help her but she just refuses straightaway. She likes stuff like yoga and she used to be good at drawing but whenever I suggest joining a local club where she can make friends etc, she just says no because 'she doesnt like people'. She cant work because she gets benefits for my disabled brother which is a shame as work is an opportunity to meet new people too.
The closest thing she has to a friend is her sister but I get the feeling she just uses her. She never asks her to come out (even though she has a busy social life and rubs her face in it) and she just drops in on her at random times for tea or something. When shes with her husband its even worse because they blatantly take the p*ss out of her but she just laughs it off. It makes me angry as she has no confidence anyway and they really dont help.
Im 18, hoping to go to uni next year and I feel awful because she keeps saying she doesnt want me to go and leave her (as Im the only one who really talks to her). I have no clue what to do, my mum used to be very social when she was young but as shes gotten older, shes just lost herself.
(Sorry its so long, i just really need help)
Shes constantly in a bad mood and she doesnt really speak to my dad, even though they still live together. Lately shes been making comments about how bad her life is and it upsets me when she says stuff like "dont be surprised if I divorce your dad because I hate him" etc as shes been threatening to divorce him for years. Shes even said that she wants to hang herself before! I really dont like seeing her so unhappy. She also tries to play my dad off against me and makes me feel guilty for even talking to him, and I feel so bad because Im quite close to him and we have a laugh whereas he never talks to her or anything unless theyre arguing!
I've tried to suggest things to help her but she just refuses straightaway. She likes stuff like yoga and she used to be good at drawing but whenever I suggest joining a local club where she can make friends etc, she just says no because 'she doesnt like people'. She cant work because she gets benefits for my disabled brother which is a shame as work is an opportunity to meet new people too.
The closest thing she has to a friend is her sister but I get the feeling she just uses her. She never asks her to come out (even though she has a busy social life and rubs her face in it) and she just drops in on her at random times for tea or something. When shes with her husband its even worse because they blatantly take the p*ss out of her but she just laughs it off. It makes me angry as she has no confidence anyway and they really dont help.
Im 18, hoping to go to uni next year and I feel awful because she keeps saying she doesnt want me to go and leave her (as Im the only one who really talks to her). I have no clue what to do, my mum used to be very social when she was young but as shes gotten older, shes just lost herself.
(Sorry its so long, i just really need help)
My mum has gone through the same thing, as she suffers from depression.
Try and pursuade your mum to visit the doctor, as it sounds like she could be suffering from depression (I'm not a medical expert, but it sounds like the same sort of thing which my mum went through). In the mean time, have you tried talking to your mum about how she feels?
If you need to talk to someone, contact the Samritans (http://www.samaritans.org.uk/).
*huggles* pm me if you want to talk
Try and pursuade your mum to visit the doctor, as it sounds like she could be suffering from depression (I'm not a medical expert, but it sounds like the same sort of thing which my mum went through). In the mean time, have you tried talking to your mum about how she feels?
If you need to talk to someone, contact the Samritans (http://www.samaritans.org.uk/).
*huggles* pm me if you want to talk
oh, hun I'm sorry. like ^^ suggested, have you talked to your mum about how she feels, and mentioned that you're worried about the fact she's unhappy? Also have you talked to your dad about it? maybe if you mention that you're worried about your mum, the two of you can perhaps work together to help her try to overcome her problem? Are there any caring-support groups in your area that your mum might go to? It might help her to meet people. I really hope you can sort this out hun.
My mum suffered from severe depression and killed herself when i was 11years old. Fortunatly, i wasn't living with her at the time (i had been adopted by my aunt and uncle 2years earlier) so i didn't see how unhappy she was right at the end. When I was younger I had to, on many occasions, forcefully stop my mother from taking her own life, and, even though my dad was living with us and could see that my sister, who was only a baby at the time, was being badly neglected, he failed to help his wife.
My advice to you is to make sure that your mum has the support she needs from your dad. Even if she is saying things like she wants a divorce, deep down he must still love him or they would have split up a long time ago. Every woman wants a man to look after her and it sounds like your mum needs an adult she is close to to confide in. Try and introduce her to the mums of some of your friends and offer to look after your brother so her and your dad can spend time togther. Above all, make sure she knows you care about her.
My advice to you is to make sure that your mum has the support she needs from your dad. Even if she is saying things like she wants a divorce, deep down he must still love him or they would have split up a long time ago. Every woman wants a man to look after her and it sounds like your mum needs an adult she is close to to confide in. Try and introduce her to the mums of some of your friends and offer to look after your brother so her and your dad can spend time togther. Above all, make sure she knows you care about her.
Your mum is sooo lucky to have a daughter/son like you. Agree with the good advice already given - she does sound depressed and would benefit from seeing her GP I think. But having said that, if a depressed person doesn't want help (or to help themselves), then there's little anyone else can do. You mustn't sacrifice your own future because of this though: no matter how much you love your mum, doing that won't help her. It may be that when you do go to uni, this will bring things to a head for your mum, which will be hard for her at the time, but good in the long run in that it may force her to seek help and support from elsewhere to make her life better.
Good luck xxx
Good luck xxx
IKnowI'mNotPerfect - I'm so sorry to hear about your mum 
Your mum needs a confidence boost. It sounds as though she's not happily married, do you happen to know why this is? If not, ask your mum the real reasons. Ask her to explain why she's depressed/let herself go etc.
SAME thing is happening to my mum. She's in rehab for alcoholism at the moment though, and has been since early Febrary It's so inexplicably painful and hard to watch someone self-destruct in this way. I strongly recommend you seek help for your mum before she turns to alcohol.
SAME thing is happening to my mum. She's in rehab for alcoholism at the moment though, and has been since early Febrary
It's so inexplicably painful and hard to watch someone self-destruct in this way. I strongly recommend you seek help for your mum before she turns to alcohol.
I'm so sorry, must be really hard for you.My mum goes through phases like this, eventually my dad and her split up, and i believe it benefitted them as they were in an unhappy marriage which made them both miserable. I'm not saying tell them to get a divorce or anything, but maybe remind your mum that there is a way out, and she might be happier on her own.
Talk to your dad about your mum, ask him how he feels. I often feel really guilty for my mum as i certainly don't have the patience you do and often got very annoyed at her for being so depressed.
I'm sure my mum took tablets or something, which helped her to be happier, and i think shes off them now. However my mum is very attractive and never stopped taking care of her appearance or anything like that, i think she still saw her friends but something that got her down is her close friends were either happily married or in relationships, and she wasn't. They didn't want to go out as much as she did and do things because of their other halves and this got her down alot.
Just talk to her, and your dad, and let her know your here for her, but remind her how important your hapiness is too.
Sounds like depression.
Perhaps you could get your mum some new clothes or gifts, or suggest to go somewhere for a family event to lighten things up. It would be a start.
From experience, persuading parents using words can be rather futile because they often feel that you're just sympathetic or trying to get their attention as their child. So getting your mum to see a GP would be fruitless - chances are she'll never listen. On the other hand, you could throw in complements occasionally to make her feel happier.
Take indirect action and see if it improves the situation, rather than reasoning with your mum or getting her to do things.
Perhaps you could get your mum some new clothes or gifts, or suggest to go somewhere for a family event to lighten things up. It would be a start.
From experience, persuading parents using words can be rather futile because they often feel that you're just sympathetic or trying to get their attention as their child. So getting your mum to see a GP would be fruitless - chances are she'll never listen. On the other hand, you could throw in complements occasionally to make her feel happier.
Take indirect action and see if it improves the situation, rather than reasoning with your mum or getting her to do things.
sounds like she need some green 
Maybe you could take her out to the cinema or somewhere, or offer to take her shopping. In the long term she probably needs medication for depression but having someone show they care about her will help. It can't be easy for her looking after your disabled brother. Get your dad to help. Could he just buy your mum some flowers for a surprise? Doesn't need to be expensive.Don't let your mum talk you out of uni. There's no point in 2 lives being ruined. She will have all your news to look forward to and maybe will be able to visit you as a sort of little holiday.
Good luck
Good luck
My mum is suffering from depression at the moment and yesterday she spent all her day crying! Sometimes I get really annoyed because she sits at home thinking about stupid things to make her upset and she doesn't really have friends like your mum either.
At the beginning of her depression which started like last year, after this major incident happened, she went to her GP which gave her anti-depressants (Prozac?) and also referred her to a counsellor. She says the tablets help her to sleep and not think about things, and the counsellor also seemed pretty good for her as she could talk about things that she couldn't talk to anyone else about.
She is in a better situation than she was last year, even though she does a few random things like how she cried yesterday.
I'd advise you to spend more time with her, persuade her to go out with you. Even to like a restaurant or shopping would be a change for her. Ask her what's bothering her. If she wants to divorce your dad maybe that really is the best option for her because he might be the one making her depressed?
I'm going off to uni next year, going to stay at a campus. I know that she doesn't want me to go either but I can't stay with her forever. If i don't go to the uni i want then that would be sacrificing something big from my life which I will regret for the rest of my life. Basically just try and leave her in a better position when you go off to uni and convince her that you'll be back every so often to see her and you'll be speaking on the phone and stuff.
I hope everything goes well for you, I know how hard it is to go through something like this
At the beginning of her depression which started like last year, after this major incident happened, she went to her GP which gave her anti-depressants (Prozac?) and also referred her to a counsellor. She says the tablets help her to sleep and not think about things, and the counsellor also seemed pretty good for her as she could talk about things that she couldn't talk to anyone else about.
She is in a better situation than she was last year, even though she does a few random things like how she cried yesterday.
I'd advise you to spend more time with her, persuade her to go out with you. Even to like a restaurant or shopping would be a change for her. Ask her what's bothering her. If she wants to divorce your dad maybe that really is the best option for her because he might be the one making her depressed?
I'm going off to uni next year, going to stay at a campus. I know that she doesn't want me to go either but I can't stay with her forever. If i don't go to the uni i want then that would be sacrificing something big from my life which I will regret for the rest of my life. Basically just try and leave her in a better position when you go off to uni and convince her that you'll be back every so often to see her and you'll be speaking on the phone and stuff.
I hope everything goes well for you, I know how hard it is to go through something like this
Thanks for all your replies, i really appreciate it.
I think it is a confidence problem, as she had quite an abusive father who always told her she was stupid. She was always compared to her older sister, who was better academically etc. I know shes not happily married to my dad, and my paternal grandparents dont help matters. Theyre constantly criticising her and they always have done - my grandfather in particular is very rude to her. They seem to think that my dad should have married someone "better" in their eyes. She always tells me that if her parents had not died, she'd just leave and move in with them. Apparently the only thing stopping her leaving my dad is the fact that she has no money, and she doesnt want to upset my brother (hes mentally disabled and he really wouldnt understand).
Yesterday i told her that I was worried about her and suggested going to the GP but (as i expected) she just laughed it off and insisted that nothing was wrong. I also suggested joining a club, but shes so 'anti-people', and shes a very private person so she rejected that too.
It is difficult but I dont think there is any more I can do Maybe I'll try and persuade her to come out with me (shopping, cinema etc) but I know it'll be hard as she never really wants to go anywhere.
Once again thanks for all your supportive replies
I think it is a confidence problem, as she had quite an abusive father who always told her she was stupid. She was always compared to her older sister, who was better academically etc. I know shes not happily married to my dad, and my paternal grandparents dont help matters. Theyre constantly criticising her and they always have done - my grandfather in particular is very rude to her. They seem to think that my dad should have married someone "better" in their eyes. She always tells me that if her parents had not died, she'd just leave and move in with them. Apparently the only thing stopping her leaving my dad is the fact that she has no money, and she doesnt want to upset my brother (hes mentally disabled and he really wouldnt understand).
Yesterday i told her that I was worried about her and suggested going to the GP but (as i expected) she just laughed it off and insisted that nothing was wrong. I also suggested joining a club, but shes so 'anti-people', and shes a very private person so she rejected that too.
It is difficult but I dont think there is any more I can do
Maybe I'll try and persuade her to come out with me (shopping, cinema etc) but I know it'll be hard as she never really wants to go anywhere.Once again thanks for all your supportive replies
As far as the job thing goes, I know it might be impossible to get her to apply for one, but I'm fairly certain that you can earn up to a set amount whilst still applying for benefits for a disabled child, because my brother is disabled but my mum only works part-time so still gets the allowance.
Wow my situation is v similar! My mom was very unhappy for years, always crying and grew up with lots of harsh criticsm from her parents. I'm 18 too and hoping to go to uni next year as well and was v worried bout leaving her. In the end she got the divorce and now is much happier. Even tho a divorce can be lengthy, costly and emotionally stressful, I think my mom had the right to be happy and I knew that she wouldn't be until she was separated. I know it's hard but if your mom has been threatening divorce for a few years, I think you should talk to her and see if that's what she really wants cause it could be that she does and she's worried bout hurtin u...the person she loves the most! Good luck and hope this helps.
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