Join in on our 'Guess the Rep' Competition! >>

feeling down

Ive been feeling down lately cos my stepdad has pretty serious cancer and I dont know who to talk to about it, the only person is my mum but I dont live with my parents.. my friends know but either dont mention it at all and I find it hard to bring up the subject cos then I get upset and they say it'll be alright! when I know that isnt true so it doesnt make me feel better to hear that! my gran also has cancer & my grandad but my gran has been having strokes and if she has one more bad one that could be it. I just feel like no one I know understands what my family is going through and it's really getting me down that I cant talk about it as much as I'd like to :frown:

btw my grandparents live in portugal as well do last time i saw them was last summer..

Reply 1

high priestess fnord

aww thats awful. pm if u need to let it out. *hugs*

Reply 2

andy_c

I think you should try talking to some of your close friends. Things are always a lot easier when you have some real support around you, such as flatmates or best/close friends.

Reply 3

aleathiel

thanks, i'll give it a go

Reply 4

xXMessedUpXx

hey, sorry to hear you've been having such a bad time lately :frown:

Luckily my parents are in good health, but i've had my grandparents be seriously ill a few times. Soemtimes i worry that my nan may be here one minute then not the next. I lost my grandad to cancer, so in some ways i know what its like to have to see someone go through that. Sorry you can't talk to your mum, i was the same as i didn't want to upset her. But maybe it might help. You both need to support each other right now, but that doesn't mean that if you're upset you can't show it. You can and have every right to, he's your dad and you must love himvery much so now must be scary and i'm sure your mum will understand that you need her just as much as she needs you.

no idea if that helped, sorry if it didn't. just want you to know that your not alone. some of us have had similar experiences and we're more than willing to listen if you need to vent/chat etc :hugs:

Reply 5

aleathiel

i just dunno how to cope. a friend of the family died of the cancer my dad has and it was her funeral today, had to go to the after thing with my mum and got so upset i ended up having a few drinks to be able to cope with how i was feeling :frown:

Reply 6

belis

I think your friends whant to help, just don't know how to act towars you and I can't blame them really. They want to make you feel better and offer reasurence so they say "it's gonna be ok". They probably know very little about cancer and have no experience of seriously ill relative so it is difficult for them to relate to your problems. They probably don't mention it simply becouse they think it may upset you. I know that it is difficult to bring this sort of topic up but if you want to talk about with your friends you really need to start the conersation. Be honest and tell what you want and don't want (like "please don't say that it will be alright as it may not be so"). Don't worry if you get upset in front of your friends. They will understand even if they freak out a bit again becouse they may not know how to react.

You may wish to contact charities for young carers. They often have forums/support groups for children of people suffering from serious ilness. You could find some friends there going through similar difficulties so it would be easier to talk with them.

By the way, try to avoid drinking to improve your mood. Alcohol is a depresant, after initila improvement it will leave you feeling worse. Also drinking to cope with serious personal problem is an easy way to addiction so better just do not enter this road at all.

Reply 7

clyn

It may be easier to post stuff like that here cause you're relatively anonymous and you may find it easier to get it all out.
How long have you known?

Reply 8

aleathiel

my dad was diagnosed in may of last year, i guess i was kind of in denial about it over the summer even though he was having chemo but it really hit me back at the end of october when he got worse :frown:

before that he could still walk and stuff. and about my grandad i found out during the summer hols, i had to spend two weeks in portugal, my mum just mentioned about my gran also having cancer recently

Reply 9

Mangaroo

I can hardly imagine, a really terrible feeling you must be going through, thing is theres little you can do about it unfortunatley. Just have to hope for the best and in the mean time imagine what he feels, i think the main thing to do now is be strong for him, and put off worrying. I guess its harder than it sounds, but worth a try.

all the best, my prayers with you.