No sexual satisfaction with bf Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 12 years ago
#1
I enjoy the sexual activities with my bf...but I can't seem to reach orgasm while with him. I can do it on my own, so I don't think it's a biological problem, but when he's stimulating me it just doesn't ever happen.

I know it shouldnt be all about the orgasm, and I do enjoy our time together a lot..it's just sometimes I think it'd be nice if I wasn't left frustrated at the end of it. I get very excited and think I'm close, but it just dies down.

I haven't told my boyfriend about this, I think he'd be very hurt, because he's always eager to please me and always tries so hard. In the end,when I know it won't happen I just pretend it has and leave it at that, otherwise he'd be down there for far too long/quite upset that he didn't please me. I don't think he'd feel better if I told him I enjoy it quite a lot even without an orgasm, he just wouldn't believe me.

But now, I'm starting to wonder if there's anything wrong with me, why doesn't it happen when my boyfriend is doing stuff and yet I can do it fine by myself . Not telling him about it is also making me feel really guilty, I don't like keeping it to myself, yet I'd dread having to tell him.
Any feedback on why this happens and how I should deal with it would be appreciated.
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ruthiepoothie
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#2
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I enjoy the sexual activities with my bf...but I can't seem to reach orgasm while with him. I can do it on my own, so I don't think it's a biological problem, but when he's stimulating me it just doesn't ever happen.

I know it shouldnt be all about the orgasm, and I do enjoy our time together a lot..it's just sometimes I think it'd be nice if I wasn't left frustrated at the end of it. I get very excited and think I'm close, but it just dies down.

I haven't told my boyfriend about this, I think he'd be very hurt, because he's always eager to please me and always tries so hard. In the end,when I know it won't happen I just pretend it has and leave it at that, otherwise he'd be down there for far too long/quite upset that he didn't please me. I don't think he'd feel better if I told him I enjoy it quite a lot even without an orgasm, he just wouldn't believe me.

But now, I'm starting to wonder if there's anything wrong with me, why doesn't it happen when my boyfriend is doing stuff and yet I can do it fine by myself . Not telling him about it is also making me feel really guilty, I don't like keeping it to myself, yet I'd dread having to tell him.
Any feedback on why this happens and how I should deal with it would be appreciated.
This forum isn't designed as a place for sex tips, so let's not go into the ins and outs of it.

However, if I can just pick up on the aspect of whether you should tell your boyfriend. I understand that you don't want to hurt his feelings, and that you don't want to upset him. So perhaps you could approach it another way- tell him things you would prefer him to do, or ways he could do it better. Maybe if you approach it from a " i really love what you do to me, but could you also do this..." then he would obviously want to please you more and take it on board?

It would obviously be better if you could talk to him and tell him the truth, or even just tell him you've been having trouble with it recently?

Ruthie xx
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 12 years ago
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Oh, I wasn't intending to ask for actual tips or anything.....

I was actually wondering if anyone else thought there could be some intimacy issues here, maybe that's why I can't let go and enjoy myself. Or if anyone else has had the same problem.

Telling him though, that would just destroy his ego I think. I'm not sure that would even help, the problem seems to be with me and not anything he does.
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Chumbaniya
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(Original post by ruthiepoothie)
This forum isn't designed as a place for sex tips, so let's not go into the ins and outs of it.
Now that is one hell of a pun.
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thegreatstupendo
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Well from a guy's point of view.... If my girlfriend was in your position (which I hope she isn't, but i guess as because your anonymous you could be her!) I would want her to tell me, because her pleasure is important to me, I like to know she's enjoying herself. The thing to do is to offer constructive criticism, ie 'don't do that...do this instead' or to not let him (gently) to stop until you've climaxed.
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Drogue
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#6
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There's really two possible reasons when this happens - either he's not very good, or (more likely) you have some form of psychological barrier to orgasming with him. The latter is very common, especially if you get close but don't. The common barrier is trying to hard - you get close, you really try and will yourself over the edge, and get tense, frustrated or just simply fail to. It's very normal. The only way to get around it is for you to be relaxed and not thinking about orgasming, just lying and enjoying his attention. When you feel like that, it has a tendancy to just happen.

For that you really have to tell him, however after lying to him for so long, I think that may not be a diplomatic thing to do. Faking it once is one thing, but faking it for all your relationships will lead to him feeling emasculated.

It's all about being relaxed and not thinking about it.
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Clairehayz
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#7
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This may sound wierd but buy a vibrator, I had the same problem with my b/f, it would get so nice and I would feel as if I was like nearly there and about to then it would just be oh bye orgasm! But once I used the vibrator I climaxed straight away and since then I've been kinda unlocked and now I am pretty much guaranteed to climaxe everytime my b/f and I have sex.

I also have a theory about why you might not climaxing, as you haven't done it, you may sub-conciously be worried about his reaction and exactly what it will be like, like the mess, the feeling and how loud you might be etc.
You might not feel like you're worrying about it but you probably are.

Hope I helped

x Claire x
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Lolls
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Seeing as im revising sexual dysfunction at the mo (psych degree) i can tell u what causes 'sexual arousal disorders' -which u don't have seeing as u do get aroused both with him and on your own..but its related, anyway, it might be caused by anxiexy due to performance issues within yourself, or not necessarily anxiety, but cognitive distractions posed by your own performance, or his, or maybe due to you being naked/vulnerable.

Or maybe, because you didn't come the first time u had sex with him, you've had anxiety about whether its you or him..which ever it is this or something else you now have anxiety about telling him and are feeling guilty about it, which could also distract you from focusing on orgasming etc

Hope this is useful. I'd suggest u somehow bring it up that your not enjoying urself as much as u could...or suggest u experiment with positions etc and therefore finding out what specifically arouses you etc

goodluck..hope it all makes sense! x
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Rock Fan
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Well best thing is to find out what feels good and what doesn't with him.
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Segat1
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Quite frankly I wouldn't be too worried..... the number of women who can actually achieve orgasm are far less than those who don't. Yes, it is lovely when it happens but I think I have had 3 (non-self-assisted) ones in my life. Basically, if you stop thinking about it and just enjoy what it is at the moment, it will prolly sneak up on you...

But do tell your boy.... he'll be happy you've told him and trust him enough to do so.
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amywalters
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#11
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If the pleasure he gives you is enjoyable, then you know that its not because you arent attracted to him or anything. Maybe you have just got yourself into a routine, so you like the way you do it yourself, and its hard for him to do the same thing because he is finding it hard to know what stimulates you.

Guide him, or do it with him, so you reach orgasm together. You dont need to talk to him, but just let him know that you like it this way, either that, or open your mind up and dont worry yourself about not orgasming everytime you are having a sexual experience. If you let him do what he thinks will turn you on, then it might just happen, if not, then im sure he would notice because you wouldnt have heavy breathing etc.

Compliment him a lot, make sure he knows that you like what he is doing. Tell him you would like it harder or softer, teach him the way to a womans orgasm! Try dirty chatting, or giving each other 30 minutes of whatever they want, make it a competition and fun - but dont lie and pretend that what he is doing is satisfying you when its really not, he'll get more hurt that way.
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Choey
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(Original post by Chumbaniya)
Now that is one hell of a pun.
lmao actually made me drop my cereal
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nuclear_pavlova
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(Original post by thegreatstupendo)
Well from a guy's point of view.... If my girlfriend was in your position (which I hope she isn't, but i guess as because your anonymous you could be her!) I would want her to tell me, because her pleasure is important to me, I like to know she's enjoying herself. The thing to do is to offer constructive criticism, ie 'don't do that...do this instead' or to not let him (gently) to stop until you've climaxed.
Dont worry...its not me! And im doing perfectly fine in that department, so dont worry!

back to miss anonymous....theres some good advice here...I dont wish to bore you and repeat most of it..!!
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so_this_is_sam
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(Original post by ruthiepoothie)
This forum isn't designed as a place for sex tips, so let's not go into the ins and outs of it.
someone wants to be a Mod...
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