He's in love with me, but the feeling is not mutual Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 12 years ago
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A really good friend of mine, well I guess u ould call him a riend always tells me how in love with me he is and special I am and how he would only be with me. But i dont feel as strongly. I like him a lot. we've known eachother for 4 years but i dont want to committ to him. We hook up sometimes, but not often and the sex is great but i just dont want him to be my boyfriend. and i feel bad because i always cry when i end a relationship and i come running to him--and he has to hear about how i was with other guys. and he sits there and listens and takes it all even though he has told me it makes him feel like **** knowning im that out of reach for him...she we just cut things off for a while becuase its really starting to get to me?
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drawmeamonkey
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#2
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just tell him what you feel. he needs to know!

and that he can't keep saying stuff like that coz it upsets you. if he's a decent friend he'll understand and get over it
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Emmalina
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#3
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Stop sleeping with him. He's obviously not seperating the sex and love.
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MagicNMedicine
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#4
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So basically you are using the guy
1) for sex
2) as someone to listen to you whinge about other relationships

rather than "cut things off" you might want to stop exploiting the fact you know you can get what you want from him, I wonder how you would feel if you were being taken advantage of in the same way
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ChemistBoy
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#5
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Clearly because of the way you have exploited him you have no respect for him (at a subconcious level) and this will quash any real feelings of 'love' that you may have had.

To be fair the guy sounds like a hopeless case, he clearly has no self-respect either. Do the decent thing and get rid of him - hopefully it'll make him wake up.
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amywalters
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#6
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Dont feel as though if you were to be with him, all the bestfriend moments would vanish. My boyfriend and I always have been good friends, and we are the best of friends now, but that only happened because we knew we felt the same way for each other, i liked him first of course, and it took a while for him to come round to the idea, but now its the best choice i ever could of made. Of course there was ups and downs, but the main thing is, if you dont feel for him the same way, then you cant make yourself, however much you think its right, if the chemistry isnt there, then what can you do? You'd know if he was the right one for you.
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xavier2k3
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(Original post by MagicNMedicine)
So basically you are using the guy
1) for sex
2) as someone to listen to you whinge about other relationships

rather than "cut things off" you might want to stop exploiting the fact you know you can get what you want from him, I wonder how you would feel if you were being taken advantage of in the same way
well said magicnmedicine. someone should buy you a drink for that. i know so many girls like that, too.

to the OP, you just need to spend time apart from him. you need to let him know that it's not going to happen and stop in-effect, leading him on. all you're doing is hurting him.

regards
--marty
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zav
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#8
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Can't think of a worse way to treat a friend who likes you sleep with him them tell him its not going to happen and then rub it in his face you have been with other guys?
Personally would like to speak to him and tell him to get himself sorted out. Pm his number to me and ill take him out with the lads to get over you.
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jb_sweden
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#9
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I can't believe he's putting up with it.
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c0co
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#10
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I feel sorry for this poor guy! Set him up with someone really nice and tell him that there's no hope.
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Segat1
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#11
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(Original post by MagicNMedicine)
So basically you are using the guy
1) for sex
2) as someone to listen to you whinge about other relationships

rather than "cut things off" you might want to stop exploiting the fact you know you can get what you want from him, I wonder how you would feel if you were being taken advantage of in the same way
:congrats:

I agree. One day this guy is going to get over you and find a lovely girl and then you will realise what you missed out on. You do this because you know you can do it - you know he won't reject you. Grow up and stop treating your friend like a a throwaway toy.
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zav
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#12
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I am still waiting for that PM to come ......
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Anonymous #2
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Don't worry. He'll surely find out that he's gay in a few years.
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Anonymous #3
#14
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#14
In these situations you think you don't like him and then he starts going out with someone and the sudden realization comes that you've been dating all these s**** all these years and your freind is in fact that man for you. Ask yourself whether you'd be jealous/whether you do actually like him before you ditch him.
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anjurdsg
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#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A really good friend of mine, well I guess u ould call him a riend always tells me how in love with me he is and special I am and how he would only be with me. But i dont feel as strongly. I like him a lot. we've known eachother for 4 years but i dont want to committ to him. We hook up sometimes, but not often and the sex is great but i just dont want him to be my boyfriend. and i feel bad because i always cry when i end a relationship and i come running to him--and he has to hear about how i was with other guys. and he sits there and listens and takes it all even though he has told me it makes him feel like **** knowning im that out of reach for him...she we just cut things off for a while becuase its really starting to get to me?
he's a loser and you should run away from him...oh, and WHY the hell are you sleeping with him?

reading the other posts on this thread, i've come to the conclusion that you're really using him...
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Anonymous #1
#16
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Well. I hardly feel like I'm using him. I'm fortunate I have someone to talk to like that. The sex doesn't happen often but it's nice. Hey. two people have to agree to it. I'm not forcing him. I know he will always be there for me and that's great. I just can't see myself with him. I don't know why. I'm not a bad person. When he goes out with other girls I don't get jealous cause it doesn't last long. My mom told me when i find someone he should love me a little more than I love him...and thus, she wants me to go after...we'll call him Ben...but I don't think that's right...so I'm not gonna start anything.
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ChemistBoy
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#17
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well. I hardly feel like I'm using him. I'm fortunate I have someone to talk to like that. The sex doesn't happen often but it's nice. Hey. two people have to agree to it. I'm not forcing him. I know he will always be there for me and that's great. I just can't see myself with him. I don't know why.
So you don't even care about it that much. You are using him, even if you don't realise it. This guy has no self-respect - a real friend would be bothered about that. Your whole attitude towards your relationship with him is one of self-interest, he is there on your terms and that empowers you, however it doesn't help him.

I'm not a bad person. When he goes out with other girls I don't get jealous cause it doesn't last long.
And what would happen if he started a relationship that did last a long time? Forgive me but the last sentence there does sound a little arrogant.

My mom told me when i find someone he should love me a little more than I love him...and thus, she wants me to go after...we'll call him Ben...but I don't think that's right...so I'm not gonna start anything.
To be fair your 'mom' has ideas from another age.

The question you have to ask yourself is if this guy is your friend or your f**k-buddy.
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WokSz
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#18
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well. I hardly feel like I'm using him. I'm fortunate I have someone to talk to like that. The sex doesn't happen often but it's nice. Hey. two people have to agree to it. I'm not forcing him. I know he will always be there for me and that's great. I just can't see myself with him. I don't know why. I'm not a bad person. When he goes out with other girls I don't get jealous cause it doesn't last long. My mom told me when i find someone he should love me a little more than I love him...and thus, she wants me to go after...we'll call him Ben...but I don't think that's right...so I'm not gonna start anything.
In a way your mum is correct. My girlfriend and I have been going out for 18 months now, and at the beginning I never thought I would fall in love with her. It was just a fling type thing, and it turned out to be me being in love with to the point where I can't spend a day without talking to her.
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Drogue
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A really good friend of mine, well I guess u ould call him a riend always tells me how in love with me he is and special I am and how he would only be with me. But i dont feel as strongly. I like him a lot. we've known eachother for 4 years but i dont want to committ to him. We hook up sometimes, but not often and the sex is great but i just dont want him to be my boyfriend. and i feel bad because i always cry when i end a relationship and i come running to him--and he has to hear about how i was with other guys. and he sits there and listens and takes it all even though he has told me it makes him feel like **** knowning im that out of reach for him...she we just cut things off for a while becuase its really starting to get to me?
It's starting to get to you? WTF do you think it's doing to him?! He loves you, he wants to be with you and go out with you. So you use him for sex and as a shoulder to cry on after other boyfriends. You tell him about who you've slept with, despite knowing it makes him feel like ****. It's not about cutting him off, it's about being his friend. That means thinking about him a little when you act. He loves you and wants to be with you, so giving him a little, ie. having sex with him, and then refusing to date him is incredibly cruel and nasty. You know he sleeps with you because he wants to be with you and yet you still lead him on. Talk about mixed signals - you can have sex, but I'm going to date other people and tell you about it.

Being a friend means not having a sexual relationship. It means respecting his feelings and emotions, even, dare I say it, caring for how he feels. If you have feelings for him, then great, have a relationship. If not, be a friend, rather than leading him on and then telling him no, and rubbing his face in it with other guys.
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Anonymous #4
#20
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I'm in a similar situation, except that the friend is actually my ex-boyfriend and I don't date anyone else but I think what some people have posted is true, that there isn't any self-respect there. But how do you let someone down gently when they're saying their feelings are that strong? We were together for 2 years but he cheated on me and so I ended it but he says he wants to get back with me all the time but I really don't. I've tried to just not see each other at all but he just won't have it. I don't know what to do. But I can sort of understand the original post because it is hard when you care about someone but not in the way they want you too.
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