Depression in halls

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
So i started uni last week, and this week is freshers week. I've met my roommates and they are really nice girls, and im looking forward to my course.
However, i has depression and social anxiety, i was diagnosed about a year ago and its never really gone away. I applied to uni halls hoping that it would make me social and hopefully take my mind off a little bit of my depression, but since i've been here i've not been to one single event. i plan to go to events, but then i chicken out at the last moment, i freak out and have a little panic attack. I just want to sleep away the week, and i find myself avoiding my roommates in the kitchen.
It totally sucks, my roommates go out without me and i dont blame them, but obviously they are getting very close and im feeling left out all because im stupid and antisocial.
the perfect solution for me is to move out of halls, and just get a one bedroom flat by myself, but i have to wait out the year at least, because i have to pay the full amount of lease.
So im stuck in my room depressed and alone, i miss my life back at home.
I guess this isnt a question, im just really fed up and sad.

Thanks for reading xx
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Exopaladin
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#2
Report 9 years ago
#2
Are you getting any treatment for depression at the moment? If it's not purely situational depression (which it sounds like it isn't if it was a problem at home and it's a problem at uni when everything changes), it often won't just vanish by itself. Should be able to get counselling either from the university or through a GP, and/or medication from a GP.

No real advice specific to your current situation, I never did anything with my freshers housemates since I don't particularly enjoy going clubbing/etc and they weren't really my type of people.
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Sabertooth
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#3
Report 9 years ago
#3
I know that feeling pretty well. I was also depressed at university and found myself doing similar things to you. There's no two ways about it - you HAVE to man up and go out with them. You're right, they're all going to bond without you and you'll find yourself several months down the line and it'll be awkward between you then. Don't get an apartment by yourself that's avoiding the problem, you need to face the problem head on to combat it. Go make a cup of tea when you hear them in the kitchen. That's how you start. And gradually build it up. Trust me, you don't want to isolate yourself because it will make your depression worse. Don't think I'm not understanding you or anything when I say man up, I have been there, I know exactly what you're going through and I know how horrible it's going to be for you a few months down the line if you don't do anything. If you need liquid courage, get a bottle of alcohol and drink some in your room beforehand then go to the kitchen with the rest of the bottle and offer to share. Everyone likes alcohol. You need to put yourself out there and make friends with these people, don't ignore the problem.

If you really can't do it, then go see your GP, ask for something for the anxiety and maybe the depression. See your university counseling service. You can get help if you reach out for it. But seriously, don't leave things as they are. I spent most of my 3 years at university alone and it was hell. You can't imagine how incredibly lonely you can get, speaking to no one for weeks at a time and spending every hour of every day alone. You need to act now.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#4
Thanks for reading my post.

(Original post by Exopaladin)
Are you getting any treatment for depression at the moment? If it's not purely situational depression (which it sounds like it isn't if it was a problem at home and it's a problem at uni when everything changes), it often won't just vanish by itself. Should be able to get counselling either from the university or through a GP, and/or medication from a GP.

No real advice specific to your current situation, I never did anything with my freshers housemates since I don't particularly enjoy going clubbing/etc and they weren't really my type of people.
I'm not getting treatment for it, i find it really hard to talk about my feelings to people, and everytime i do think about going to counselling i just burst into floods of tears. its really pathetic i guess. Thanks for the advice anyway xx

(Original post by Sabertooth)
I know that feeling pretty well. I was also depressed at university and found myself doing similar things to you. There's no two ways about it - you HAVE to man up and go out with them. You're right, they're all going to bond without you and you'll find yourself several months down the line and it'll be awkward between you then. Don't get an apartment by yourself that's avoiding the problem, you need to face the problem head on to combat it. Go make a cup of tea when you hear them in the kitchen. That's how you start. And gradually build it up. Trust me, you don't want to isolate yourself because it will make your depression worse. Don't think I'm not understanding you or anything when I say man up, I have been there, I know exactly what you're going through and I know how horrible it's going to be for you a few months down the line if you don't do anything. If you need liquid courage, get a bottle of alcohol and drink some in your room beforehand then go to the kitchen with the rest of the bottle and offer to share. Everyone likes alcohol. You need to put yourself out there and make friends with these people, don't ignore the problem.
I'm sorry to hear you have felt this way as well, i really wouldn't wish it on anyone. I don't mind being alone if i'm fully alone, e.g if i live alone i like my own company and really prefer it. its just when there are other people around there is so much pressure to be with them, even though i don't want to. I don't drink alcohol, and you have to believe me when i say i try to be friendly and chatty. They seem to laugh at my jokes and stuff, and like i said, they are nice girls, but its just so tiring. I don't feel like the 18 year old i am, i feel old and worn out. I don't see the point in much to be honest, i just want a degree and to be left alone. I guess i shouldn't complain, this is my own doing. I just can't stand the way i feel. Thanks anyway xx
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superwolf
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#5
Report 9 years ago
#5
Agree with Saber - the earlier in the year you make an effort with your flatmates, the easier it'll be. Otherwise you'll find it harder to befriend them later, when they've already got to know each other, and you'll possibly be heading towards isolating yourself even further (has happened to me before). If you find it awkward going and talking to people, try having something to do while in the kitchen/communal area. Cooking is great cos it gives you something to keep you occupied, and you can ask for/offer help to your flatmates if you or they can't cook that well yet. You can also see if people want to have a meal together, or you can bake tasty things and bribe people to like you. You could also do a bit of light studying around them, see if you can have a chat about what you're all studying and stuff. There's loads of easy topics to talk about at the start of uni - where you're all from, what you're studying and why, how you're settling in and finding lectures, as well as just general stuff about getting to know each other. If your flatmates seem like nice people then they'll probably be only too happy to talk to you once you've shown you want to get to know them a bit, so try not to be scared of them.
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Toph
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#6
Report 9 years ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
So i started uni last week, and this week is freshers week. I've met my roommates and they are really nice girls, and im looking forward to my course.
However, i has depression and social anxiety, i was diagnosed about a year ago and its never really gone away. I applied to uni halls hoping that it would make me social and hopefully take my mind off a little bit of my depression, but since i've been here i've not been to one single event. i plan to go to events, but then i chicken out at the last moment, i freak out and have a little panic attack. I just want to sleep away the week, and i find myself avoiding my roommates in the kitchen.
It totally sucks, my roommates go out without me and i dont blame them, but obviously they are getting very close and im feeling left out all because im stupid and antisocial.
the perfect solution for me is to move out of halls, and just get a one bedroom flat by myself, but i have to wait out the year at least, because i have to pay the full amount of lease.
So im stuck in my room depressed and alone, i miss my life back at home.
I guess this isnt a question, im just really fed up and sad.

Thanks for reading xx
:console:

Please don't give up and let life move on without you, because if you give up and admit defeat it will. Moving out and living by yourself will only end up feeling worse and completely defeated. Even though they may be bonding already it's not too late as a long as you throw yourself into being more social with them.

You could try talking to them one on one whilst they're not in big group and maybe befriend them that way, so you'll feel more comfortable talking to them all as a large group. I suggest getting up early and being the first one in the kitchen if that's where they all meet, so conversation starts with you and on your own terms. You can do the same with your lecture courses, I always show up early so I can mingle with other people and it makes a little easier and a lot less awkward.

Keeping on planning to little things each day like start a conversation in the kitchen or go out to an event, so when you do those things you'll feel a little better about yourself. Don't feel deflated, so early on because everyone is still a fresher and friendships continue to change all the time. You may find you become really good friends with someone you didn't expect, as long as you keep a smile on your face. Think of each as a new day to get to know someone else a little bit better, why would you want to sleep away the day then? Afterall, you are making steps to help yourself to enjoy you time at uni

Hope you didn't mind my waffle, and hopefully it didn't sound too preachy! If you want to talk some more you can PM any time
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#7
(Original post by Toph)
:console:

Please don't give up and let life move on without you, because if you give up and admit defeat it will. Moving out and living by yourself will only end up feeling worse and completely defeated. Even though they may be bonding already it's not too late as a long as you throw yourself into being more social with them.

You could try talking to them one on one whilst they're not in big group and maybe befriend them that way, so you'll feel more comfortable talking to them all as a large group. I suggest getting up early and being the first one in the kitchen if that's where they all meet, so conversation starts with you and on your own terms. You can do the same with your lecture courses, I always show up early so I can mingle with other people and it makes a little easier and a lot less awkward.

Keeping on planning to little things each day like start a conversation in the kitchen or go out to an event, so when you do those things you'll feel a little better about yourself. Don't feel deflated, so early on because everyone is still a fresher and friendships continue to change all the time. You may find you become really good friends with someone you didn't expect, as long as you keep a smile on your face. Think of each as a new day to get to know someone else a little bit better, why would you want to sleep away the day then? Afterall, you are making steps to help yourself to enjoy you time at uni

Hope you didn't mind my waffle, and hopefully it didn't sound too preachy! If you want to talk some more you can PM any time
Thank you for the advice, and for reading my big long story. I know that logically i am doing nothing to help myself, but i can't keep up the whole smiling act for very long, i had to do it all throughout high school, and it drove me insane. I want to sleep the days away because i don't want to face people, i don't know why but i'm very scared. The advice about the lectures is good, and i will try to do that, thanks very much xx
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Exopaladin
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#8
Report 9 years ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for reading my post.
I'm not getting treatment for it, i find it really hard to talk about my feelings to people, and everytime i do think about going to counselling i just burst into floods of tears. its really pathetic i guess. Thanks for the advice anyway xx
It's not pathetic at all, I'd been depressed for many years before I finally managed to force myself to get treatment, wasn't until I was at the end of the 2nd year of uni and realised I badly needed treatment since it was affecting me so much in so many ways. I'd encourage you to try though, avoiding treatment affected me a lot at uni and I didn't do anywhere near as well as I could have.

For what it's worth, I never found things particularly awkward with my first year flatmates even though we weren't close/I didn't really hang with them during freshers. Still talked in the kitchen/etc periodically and it's normal to end up seeing them when cooking or whatever. Basically just hung out with people from my course and some socities rather than flatmates.

I'd go with the advice above, speak to them individually and find people with things in common to bond with (if anything), might be less daunting.
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#9
(Original post by Exopaladin)
It's not pathetic at all, I'd been depressed for many years before I finally managed to force myself to get treatment, wasn't until I was at the end of the 2nd year of uni and realised I badly needed treatment since it was affecting me so much in so many ways. I'd encourage you to try though, avoiding treatment affected me a lot at uni and I didn't do anywhere near as well as I could have.

For what it's worth, I never found things particularly awkward with my first year flatmates even though we weren't close/I didn't really hang with them during freshers. Still talked in the kitchen/etc periodically and it's normal to end up seeing them when cooking or whatever. Basically just hung out with people from my course and some socities rather than flatmates.

I'd go with the advice above, speak to them individually and find people with things in common to bond with (if anything), might be less daunting.

I'm sorry to hear about your depression, it takes a strong person to ask for help so you should be proud of yourself. I don't think I'm ready for it just yet, I can't bring myself to talk about it in real life, even as I'm writing this its hard. Thanks for sharing your story xx
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Revengancex
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#10
Report 9 years ago
#10
I'm in the same boat as you at the moment. Moved in halls on Saturday. Not been out yet. I suffer also from depression n social anxieties. I am lucky enough to have another flat mate who likes their own privacy and isn't a drinker. So that's helped. You will meet people, and become close. Don't panic you aren't gettin close to your flat mates. Aslong as your civil n say hi when u see them, it will be ok. I'm terrible for avoiding the kitchen. But my flat mates are wild, every night nearly the whole block has been in my flat and our door is broke, so I get people just wandering in lookin for their friends. I feel unsafe and that's my main reason for being in my room a lot. Me and the other girl Facebook eachother so we can go to the kitchen together lol. It's intimidating. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. If you need to talk give me a shout. Try not to worry too much, get yourself comfortable before hand.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Wildfire
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Hannah987654
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#11
Report 3 years ago
#11
Hi, I am a student in halls currently writing a blog debating if halls encourages depression for students, I appreciate this was 6 years ago but id love to hear how you went about your anxiety and if your uni helped you at all?Many thanksHannah
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