No friends, lonely and shy

Im getting very fed up and miserable about having no friends. I work full time in a shop, and get on with most people I work with in a friendly small talk way but havent made any kind of friendship with anyone.

The pain of never receiving texts, or phone calls, or seeing people who want to be around me is getting more and more and I cant take it anymore. I also cant stand weekends where Im home alone and lonely while everyone else at work seems to go out with loads of people etc.

Im a naturally shy and reserved person so when people say ''just get out there!'' its not that easy.

I just dont know what to do :frown:

Reply 1

Twaffy

1

Have you thought about joining a club? There will be friendly people there. Just choose a club about something you like.

Reply 2

spacedonkey

2

Anonymous

Im getting very fed up and miserable about having no friends. I work full time in a shop, and get on with most people I work with in a friendly small talk way but havent made any kind of friendship with anyone.

The pain of never receiving texts, or phone calls, or seeing people who want to be around me is getting more and more and I cant take it anymore. I also cant stand weekends where Im home alone and lonely while everyone else at work seems to go out with loads of people etc.

Im a naturally shy and reserved person so when people say ''just get out there!'' its not that easy.

I just dont know what to do :frown:

Is it possible for you to meet some new people on the basis of shared interests, perhaps through a society or evening class or some such? Or even make some like-minded friends via the internet?

Are you studying as well as working? Are you living in a new area?

Sorry you're feeling so lonely, I'm sure things will get better in time :frown:

Reply 3

bluedreamer

1

Yeah join a club :smile:

something you like.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

I hate it how you all say 'join a club''. My main interests are movies and music, there are no clubs like that around here AT ALL or evening classes, I live in a very poor town with next to nothing in it :frown:

Reply 5

spacedonkey

2

Anonymous

I hate it how you all say 'join a club''. My main interests are movies and music, there are no clubs like that around here AT ALL or evening classes, I live in a very poor town with next to nothing in it :frown:

I know "join a club" is a predictable answer, but that's because it does work as a way of meeting people!

Perhaps you could set a Film Soc up, y'know a bit like a book club but you meet up to see films and then talk about them (over a drink) afterwards?

Tbh one of the beauties of the internet is the ability to find like-minded people regardless of location, although there's nothing quite like face-to-face contact - having said that, it might help you to feel less lonely?

Reply 6

bluedreamer

1

Hate is a strong word :hmmm:

but I can see how it’s hard if you live in a small town :/

Reply 7

smoomoo

3

cant u arrange a works night out and get to know people better that way?

Reply 8

Instínct

Awwww

Even though you believe that you are a reserved person, you can't just accept it. If you want to make a difference in your social life, making small steps in conversational skills goes a long way! By doing so, you build up your self-esteem, and sometimes, it takes a little bit of determination on your part, to make this happen.

I really hope things get better for you.
:redface:

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

Im getting very fed up and miserable about having no friends. I work full time in a shop, and get on with most people I work with in a friendly small talk way but havent made any kind of friendship with anyone.

The pain of never receiving texts, or phone calls, or seeing people who want to be around me is getting more and more and I cant take it anymore. I also cant stand weekends where Im home alone and lonely while everyone else at work seems to go out with loads of people etc.

Im a naturally shy and reserved person so when people say ''just get out there!'' its not that easy.

I just dont know what to do :frown:

[URL="http://
www.match.com"]
www.match.com

you might find someone in your area who is like you. at the very least you'll get to chat to some girls, even if you never meet up with them. I'm quite a shy person too, added to the fact I'm away from home most of the time makes it hard for me to meet people back at home. But I go on here and chat to girls even though most I will never meet up with, its just someone to talk to.

Being shy is very difficult and those who have never been shy will find it very hard to understand just how you feel. but the idea of joining a club of some kind is a very good one. There may not be much in your area, but there should be something reasonably local, where do you live? Even if it means taking up a new hobby, its worth it if you can meet new people.

Reply 10

Jack Twist

1

Anonymous

I hate it how you all say 'join a club''. My main interests are movies and music, there are no clubs like that around here AT ALL or evening classes, I live in a very poor town with next to nothing in it :frown:

I would say try and make a effort with your co-workers, maybe invite them to go see a movie.

Reply 11

*Mike*

11

i have the same problem (except i have a few friends) :frown:

Reply 12

cloudofcalm

1

*******s. To being so naturally shy and reserved that you can't make friends. No one is SO shy they can't make friends. I'm shy. I'm reserved - but with my friends, I'm one of the loudest, happiest people there, and it's because I got to know them.

People are saying 'join a club' and I agree. Most towns have some kind of sport - and roll your eyes and go, 'but I *hate* sport :rolleyes:

- the thing about sports is you're so focused on it, that you forget reservations. Endorphins hit your system, and if you're happy, you're magnetic - people will respond to your happiness with their own and you'll make connections. Sport also involves being part of a 'team' or 'class' and the dynamic is one of camaraderie. You can't help but be part of the group and that's the best place to start. When do we make most of our friends? In school and uni - because we're forced into an environment in which we interact socially while we get on with a set task. A sports team is like that environment. If you like the idea of soccer, or hockey, or maybe rugby, or even something like kickboxing, get out there. Having a run around will also make you feel more confident.

As for other activities - look in your local library for flyers posted to the walls about reading groups. Go to any corn-exchange for information about films. Check out the local uni and see if any groups meet there that external people can join in. Look in the newspaper and see if there are any social events advertised. Take up an adult dance-class - you all feel awkward and ridiculous to begin with, but something like ballroom forces you into interaction.

Obviously, you're not connecting at work so much. What about bringing in cakes or something - cookies and saying you'd made them and needed to get rid of the excess? Anything to get people to break out of habit, and talk to you properly. It can be anything, but change doesn't come from repeated pattern - it comes from impetus, and you have to be your own catalyst.

Reply 13

saoirse

10

I personally think the best way to become good friends with people is to live with them ie loads of people make close friends in halls. Are you living at home or planning to go off to uni? Maybe you could move in with a bunch of people (strangers to start with) for the summer if your working full time? Clubs can be a source of new people to mix with...but even better, IMHO, would be to do a residential course somewhere while learning a new skill. eg if the moving out thing is no go save to do a month long course getting a qualification in watersports/ tennis/ that teaching english as a foreign language thing, living in...

Or...how about working away from home for a bit of the summer in a kids summer camp if that appeals to you?

My point is that obviously the more time you spend with people the better you get to know them and build rapport, and if you are living in a group you can get absorbed into the social life- you dont make friends on the basis of an hours small talk a week

Best of luck

Reply 14

Jack0

Could you tell us what town you live in? It'd help in thinking up things that would help with your problem - like researching what's around your local area and stuff so we can make proper suggestions.

Reply 15

Aeris

15

I know! I hate being shy, it sucks :mad:

But I agree, join a club or something. I feel really easy and fun around other theatre people :smile:

Reply 16

anjurdsg

11

you need to work on your self-confidence before you join a club or do whatever...

I mean, come on... if you're gonna join a club and still be shy there, then whats the point?

I'd say take a course for self-confidence-building first... this way you can make friends ANYWHERE you go..

Reply 17

Mark S

17

anjurdsg

you need to work on your self-confidence before you join a club or do whatever...

I mean, come on... if you're gonna join a club and still be shy there, then whats the point?

I'd say take a course for self-confidence-building first... this way you can make friends ANYWHERE you go..

Here here.

Reply 18

sour stone

That can be quite frustrating. I should know, I was one of the sad lonely types as you so state. But I actually liked the loneliness.
I like company, depending on who it is... but don't get too worked up about it. Most people I know are what I would describe as total pri*ks and often I don't want to be with them anyway, some are worth the effort, but in the long run, if you don't have friends, you don't get judged, and that is a big bonus in my opinion... But hey ho, I have friends, and I can say I like them and I can say it's good on occassion.
I suppose if your so desperate to want a friend or two, just sit with someone in a lesson or something, and get to know 'em... it's not only productive, but easy too.
Don't be so scared of being lonely, and don't just talk phatically. Open up to people, and they'll open up to you...

Hope that helps some... :redface:

Reply 19

Strauss

How dreadful Anon! Perhaps you're heaping on too much - rather than aiming right now for a hoard of friends, try to cultivate one person. I find the best way to make friends with someone is to talk about them (with them, of course), everyone loves that. You have to sort of single out so-and-so and think "this week, I'm going to be chatty to so-and-so", which is easier than bolting from shy to a scream in one go.

No friends, lonely and shy

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