Cancer

My grandfather has been diagnosed with a type of cancer between his ribs and lung in the cavity (can't remember the term or the type of cancer). It is a fairly unusual type of cancer, and is not hereditry so I'm not worried about that stuff. It is pretty hefty at 8 inches long, but it is defined and he'll start on radiotherapy in a couple of weeks, 25 doses over 5 weeks.

What I am worried about, is that I know all this, and I have no sympathy for him at all. I was told all this by my dad (my grandfather's son) and he used to be a nurse, and told me that the prognosis is extremely varying, and I just didn't think anything like "what if he dies" at all.

I've been highly exposed to death, and have first hand experience with the reaper himself, and as a result, I've never had *much* feeling involved with death, but I thought that if I found out a family member, even one like my grandparents (who disowned me and my mum from the day I was born) I'd feel something.

Am I really this callace, cold and unfeeling, have I become insensate to death, or am I blocking out my feelings (which I personally doubt)? Does this mean I can't truly experience other emotions like love, or are they not connected?

Reply 1

*soph*

14

It could be a delayed reaction and you may find it hits you later. Then again, it might not, but you're definitely not unfeeling, nobody can tell you the "right" way to react simply because there's no such thing. Everybody feels things differently and of course you can still feel love. I didn't feel anything when my grandad died because he'd been ill for so long we had sort of prepared ourselves for it, but its only now, 2 months after he died, that I'm really starting to miss him and realise I'll never see him again. Just because I felt nothing at first doesn't mean I didn't love him.

I really hope your grandad's OK.

Reply 2

George Agdgdgwngo

17

The Canadian

My grandfather has been diagnosed with a type of cancer between his ribs and lung in the cavity (can't remember the term or the type of cancer). It is a fairly unusual type of cancer, and is not hereditry so I'm not worried about that stuff. It is pretty hefty at 8 inches long, but it is defined and he'll start on radiotherapy in a couple of weeks, 25 doses over 5 weeks.

What I am worried about, is that I know all this, and I have no sympathy for him at all. I was told all this by my dad (my grandfather's son) and he used to be a nurse, and told me that the prognosis is extremely varying, and I just didn't think anything like "what if he dies" at all.

I've been highly exposed to death, and have first hand experience with the reaper himself, and as a result, I've never had *much* feeling involved with death, but I thought that if I found out a family member, even one like my grandparents (who disowned me and my mum from the day I was born) I'd feel something.

Am I really this callace, cold and unfeeling, have I become insensate to death, or am I blocking out my feelings (which I personally doubt)? Does this mean I can't truly experience other emotions like love, or are they not connected?

Is this the grandparent who has cancer. If it is, this may be the underlying reason for not caring, afterall they turned their backs on you and your mum. Personally I don't blame you and I can fully understand why you don't have any feelings for him, even though he has a terrible illness.

Reply 3

hanadeka2002

When my mum was diagnosed with cancer 3/4 years ago I didn't feel anything...it didn't bother me in the slightest.I guess at the time I was denying it because I couldn't see the physical effects of the disease but now it has progressed and my mum is really ill it really really upsets me.

Reply 4

ESBay

8

Even though I haven't been exposed to death much, I felt nothing when my aunt died after being diagnosed with brain cancer. Same for when my grandfather died and it felt odd that everyone else was grieving and I was trying to understand why, at times even asking questions regarding the necessity of their grievance.
I guess it's just some way of reacting, not reacting at all... Initially I felt pretty insensitive but now I realised that that's my way of coping with death.
Come to think of it, I'm considered to be someone who doesn't really show different emotions so maybe their is a connection between the two. :confused:

Reply 5

Eien

16

I haven't suffered a bereavement of a close family member such as a grandparent, but my uncle died at just 37 with pneumonia - I only understood he had died in my rational brain, yet I too had no feeling, even when I visited his grave. However, it only hit me when I was reflecting upon it 3 years later, and the emotion started pouring upon me. I believe the "numbness" is caused by the lack of belief and 'actual' comprehension of the event, and a way of self-preservation. Another way to look at it would be to imagine something impossible, such as having 5 suns in the sky - the mind would initially choose not to comprehend it, and hence one "knows" that something is there but does not truly embrace the fact - and it feels similar with death. It is only coming to the realisation that brings the feeling. Then again, this is only my own personal perception and I'm sure there are many different passages of thought for grieving.

Reply 6

Sejanus

7

My gran had cancer a couple of years ago, and all I could feel was anger at the doctor for dismissing her fears for so long. I felt angry at him, and got really worked up about ageism in society in general (my gran was 87 at the time). I guess it was just a coping mechanism which was my way of dealing with it all.
You aren't callous, it's such a big thing to deal with and you probably just feel numb. You might not feel the upset now, but you probably will at some point. People react differently to things, its just the way things work.

Reply 7

The Canadian

OP

11

Yes, it is the same grandparents who have disowned me and my mother since I was born, and it's only been for about the last 12/13 years that they've even wanted to know about me!!!

I wasn't sure if I was just insensate to death as I am interested by death and I often read and look at autopsy reports, so I am sort of accustomed to death. I mean, I'm 18 and I have a will!! I've had a will for about 9 months now, and not one of my mates has got a will. Even friends who are 36/38 have wills!!

Is it possible that some people are just immune in a way to the effects of death?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

The Canadian

Am I really this callace, cold and unfeeling, have I become insensate to death, or am I blocking out my feelings (which I personally doubt)? Does this mean I can't truly experience other emotions like love, or are they not connected?

hmm im not sure. ive experienced quite a lot of death in the past myself and at first i was in floods of tears but now im stone cold emotionally as far as death is concerned, which i think has made me cold and callous in other areas of life too. ill sometimes shred tears when watching a sad film or something but wont even flinch if im ****ing someone over for the benefit of myself - something i want to change.

Reply 9

The Canadian

OP

11

Anonymous

hmm im not sure. ive experienced quite a lot of death in the past myself and at first i was in floods of tears but now im stone cold emotionally as far as death is concerned, which i think has made me cold and callous in other areas of life too. ill sometimes shred tears when watching a sad film or something but wont even flinch if im ****ing someone over for the benefit of myself - something i want to change.

I've never been in floods of tears where death of people is concerned. I'll get sad about some things, and I still feel other emotions, but because this is how I've been for a while, so I don't know if I'm only experiencing a fraction of the true emotions.

Cancer

Related discussions

Articles for you