Alone.. forever :( Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 12 years ago
#1
I have never had a proper relationship by any means, never pulled a guy that I coun't or anything. I am almost 18 years old and I do feel I should of had a relationship by now.
When I like a guy.. I really like them and get overly obsessed with them. I know this puts them off me but I don't think that is the only reason. I think its becasue I am ugly and some people just wont give me a chance from that.
I do have male friends and I know they would never like me in that way (and I am sure it is because of the way I look).
I know I need to get over this mentality but I just don't know what I do wrong.. at the moment there is a guy I really like- I am claiming I have got over him at the moment because I now know I have no chance and it is just hurting me even more..
I personally like his personality, I don't find him extremely physically attractive. All I want is to know someone likes me in the same way as I like them and to feel "hugged".
People say when you are content with yourself, relationships just come but plently of my friends do not feel content with themselves and they have guys all the time! I do actually feel quite content with myself.. it's just I don't think I am very attractive and don't know how anyone else could look at me in that way..
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Imster
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#2
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#2
I think you're being a bit harsh on yourself and there's just no need to be, I'm sure you aren't ugly and here have a hug :hugs: lol

Also, there's plenty of time to have a relationship. I agree with Pretty Boy.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 12 years ago
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It's hard to say that and yeh people say I am young but I am worried I'll wake up one day and it will be too late..
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Imster
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#4
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I think you have ages to go till you need to worry about it being "too late" and if you still like that guy then why hide it?
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The Green Fairy
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#5
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sometimes when you stop thinking about something it just happens lol, perhaps if you try to distract yourself from thinking about all the negatives you feel you have you'll feel more comfortable about being yourself and you'll find the one, and anyway its never too late...you're not even 18 yet, alot of people have their first proper/real relationship at university...
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strawberry
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have never had a proper relationship by any means, never pulled a guy that I coun't or anything. I am almost 18 years old and I do feel I should of had a relationship by now.
When I like a guy.. I really like them and get overly obsessed with them. I know this puts them off me but I don't think that is the only reason. I think its becasue I am ugly and some people just wont give me a chance from that.
I do have male friends and I know they would never like me in that way (and I am sure it is because of the way I look).
I know I need to get over this mentality but I just don't know what I do wrong.. at the moment there is a guy I really like- I am claiming I have got over him at the moment because I now know I have no chance and it is just hurting me even more..
I personally like his personality, I don't find him extremely physically attractive. All I want is to know someone likes me in the same way as I like them and to feel "hugged".
People say when you are content with yourself, relationships just come but plently of my friends do not feel content with themselves and they have guys all the time! I do actually feel quite content with myself.. it's just I don't think I am very attractive and don't know how anyone else could look at me in that way..
my dear, there will always be someone out there for you. you just haven't found him yet. why are you worrying about it? you're only 18! there isn't any NEED to be in a relationship if you're 18 years old. I'm barely 18 myself, and I've only ever had ONE boyfriend. you're not ugly, you just think you are. be confident of yourself and your inner beauty will shine through; that counts the most. if a guy dates you just cos you're pretty, then he's a jerk who just wants a trophy girlfriend. my advice to you is just to wait. Don't look for that One Guy. Wait for him. He'll show up. You still have so many years...enjoy it while you still can. You're attractive in your own way. NEVER compare yourself to prettier girls because that will just cause your self-esteem to plummet. Instead, think about your positive qualities. List them down and stick them to your dressing table mirror. Read it every day to remind yourself. I'm sure that your guy friends are your guy friends because they like something about you Even if it isn't possible to push them into the boyfriend category, there are lots of other guys out there.

Just don't actively search for a boyfriend because it becomes obvious and makes you look desperate. Make friends and wait for him to show up. You're beautiful in your own special way regardless of what other people tell you. If they tell you you're yucky and stuff, it's because they're jealous that you have what they don't have. Cheer up girl. You are attractive, and if I were your friend for real, I would keep hitting you. :P And about your friends not being content with themselves and still having boyfriends and you being the opposite, maybe it's because they're being someone they're not to get over their insecurities. Be who you are, because that is who you really are.
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frappuccino
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#7
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#7
Aww hun don't stress. Okay basically I've been the absolute fussiest girl ever when it comes to boys. I ALWAYS pushed them away because I hate feeling vulnerable and I guess I was scared of opening my heart. I'm 18 now and I've just started going out with this awesome guy and I'm soo glad that I didn't go out with the guys who tried to get me to go out with them before. Yess it did feel really awkward when my friends talk about one night stands and being on the pill etc etc when I'd only been out with 1 guy (and a meaningless relationship too). The most I'd done is make out with guys drunkenly but it was never that interesting to me tbh.
Once you meet someone that you really really trust then it just feels so natural. Doon't worry it's better to be single than be in a pointless relationship, especially if its a guy that doesn't respect you...soo many of my friends have been cheated on and devastated etc and I'm just glad I avoided all that now. Just keep an open mind and if you meet any 'potentials' just let your personality shine through.
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silverbolt
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
It's hard to say that and yeh people say I am young but I am worried I'll wake up one day and it will be too late..
that will happen in about 45 years

so i wouldnt worry bout it
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Redefined
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#9
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#9
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....

Remember that.
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puppy
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#10
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#10
You're worried you haven't had a relationship and you're not even 18? For goodness sake, why don't you worry about something that matters? I know this probably seems like it matters now but it really doesn't, some of us have been alone much longer than that and will probably continue to do so! Who even has time for a relationship when you're that age anyway? Just get on with enjoying your life instead of pinning your happiness on some guy suddenly turning up.

I'm sure you're not ugly and even if you are that won't make any difference to whether or not you end up in a relationship- loads of really hot girls never get guys because the guys are scared of them and assume they won't be able to get them.

And as to being alone, everyone's alone really, we all die alone- didn't you see Donnie Darko?

Wow, I'm comforting...
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susieb
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#11
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#11
(Original post by law:portal)
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder....

Remember that.

:dito:

its like the age old saying which is sooo true...when your actively seeking a relationship nothing happens, then once you stop looking and are content with who you are...things happen :rolleyes:

you've just gotta stay positive and cheerful....but have a hug anyhoo :hugs:
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SeanC
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#12
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#12
This might sound a little harsh so if it does I apologise but agonising over your own percieved flaws never does you any good. Physical traits are one of many things that guys find attractive.. A good sense of humour, a connection you both feel, or even just hanging around can engender feelings of attraction. Being upbeat about everything is one of the most attractive things that anyone can do, as inner confidence, and thus a perception of a happy person (Your person who feels good about themselves) will always be much more sociable than someone who feels upset about their looks or any other reason.. we all get down sometimes but its the way we deal with things that matters, and even a few small changes can be made for your appearance.. Try a new hairstyle or dress differantly for a week.. Anything that will make you feel comfortable with yourself. I personally am self conscious about my weight but I don't talk about it.. I know it won't solve anything.. I just get back to the gym and work even harder. Perseverence will out.

Good luck!
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strawberry
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#13
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(Original post by SeanC)
This might sound a little harsh so if it does I apologise but agonising over your own percieved flaws never does you any good. Physical traits are one of many things that guys find attractive.. A good sense of humour, a connection you both feel, or even just hanging around can engender feelings of attraction. Being upbeat about everything is one of the most attractive things that anyone can do, as inner confidence, and thus a perception of a happy person (Your person who feels good about themselves) will always be much more sociable than someone who feels upset about their looks or any other reason.. we all get down sometimes but its the way we deal with things that matters, and even a few small changes can be made for your appearance.. Try a new hairstyle or dress differantly for a week.. Anything that will make you feel comfortable with yourself. I personally am self conscious about my weight but I don't talk about it.. I know it won't solve anything.. I just get back to the gym and work even harder. Perseverence will out.

Good luck!
basically what you're saying is, looks aren't everything
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SeanC
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#14
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#14
Well that's a rather succinct summary but yes although I personally believe there has to be at least some physical attraction... But looks just get you the audition, everything else gets you the key to your lovers heart.
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Anonymous #2
#15
Report 12 years ago
#15
im going through exactly the same thing, ive never had a boyfriend and im 16, ive had crushes on two of my guy mates and i asked one out and he said no so that knocked my confidence. it doesnt help when my girl mates talk about how many relationships theyve been in and when one of them always kisses her boyfriend all the time, it makes me feel all alone all the time and i hate being like that
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strawberry
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#16
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#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
im going through exactly the same thing, ive never had a boyfriend and im 16, ive had crushes on two of my guy mates and i asked one out and he said no so that knocked my confidence. it doesnt help when my girl mates talk about how many relationships theyve been in and when one of them always kisses her boyfriend all the time, it makes me feel all alone all the time and i hate being like that
yea, I'm surrounded by couples in school all the time...kissing each other and stuff. I feel jealousy and sad pangs whenever I see that cos it makes me remember what I had when I was with my ex. but now I look forward and just gawk at all the guys for the fun of it with my closest two girl friends who are also single. :P
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Anonymous #1
#17
Report Thread starter 12 years ago
#17
Thanks everyone for your advice! I know you are all right and that looks aren't everything but I didn't think my personailty was too bad.. maybe it just is!
You all say its a bad time to have a relationship, yet you all have had at least one or are in it. Yes at the moment I am trying to concentrate on my A-levels and getting into uni but I'm worried once I get to uni someone might turn round at me and say, What? you freak? You have never had a relationship and I'd just stuck and be pushed into some corner. Maybe I am going a little overboard here but no one has actually told me what my flaws are so in a way they flaws might be carried on throughout life..
Sometimes I take myself as a joke but I find it is the easiest way to egt around problems and rejection- not just from boys but life generally!
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minimo
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#18
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#18
Heya, I can relate well as I'm almost 20 and have never had a relationship. I know it can get you down sometimes especially when your best friends get partners and you begin to wonder whether there is something seriously wrong with you. I'm EXTREMELY unattractive but I'm not unhappy anymore, as I was say 1-2 months ago. I realised that there was someone out there for everyone and that he will come in time, when I least expect it. In the meantime, I decided to keep myself happy and live life to the full, I treated mydelf - new glasses, clothes, haircut etc I think if you are happy and confident and project these qualities to those around you, you become instantly more attractive. No guy wants a Moaning Myrtle like gf!!

Anyhoo, 18 is still very young. TBH I wouldn't bother until uni.
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strawberry
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#19
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minimo, that's my girl! :P
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MagicNMedicine
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#20
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(Original post by minimo)
In the meantime, I decided to keep myself happy and live life to the full, I treated mydelf - new glasses, clothes, haircut etc I think if you are happy and confident and project these qualities to those around you, you become instantly more attractive. No guy wants a Moaning Myrtle like gf!!
heed these words of wisdom

Catch 22, when you are feeling lonely, you get down on yourself and start projecting negative vibes, this puts people off so you feel more lonely

the cycle has to be broken and I also think it needs to start by realising that you control your own happiness, it does not have to be brought in from the outside....look after yourself and put your life in order and you will start looking more attractive than somebody who comes over lonely and desperate

for guys - girls ain't gonna want anything to do with a guy who whinges and feels sorry for himself
for girls - most guys won't want anything to do with that kind of girl either, but manipulative guys who hunt 'victim girls' will, so be careful
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