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The mother of all problems
Well here goes.
I'm about to drop out of 4th year in uni because i've spent all year messing about doing no work and now my dissertation is due in I can't do it. Also this means leaving my girlfriend behind whom I've been with for 5 years. This also means that I am going to disappoint my whole family. I've been the only one in my family of 6 siblings who went to uni and i'm constantly being told how proud they are of me and they'lll be gutted when i tell them i didnt complete the course. I'm also a foster child and have had the same pressure from the foster department over how thrilled they were that a 'looked after' child had gone on to university. A lot of the people from this department mean a lot to me because in effect they were often my surrogate parents and its breaking my heart that through my own idiocy i've disappointed everyone. Coupled with this i have a maxed 1800 pound overdraft and still owe the uni nearly 400 quid in rent which i need to pay before i can graduate even with a normal (non-honours degree). I'm dropping out and going home this week because i havn't slept in 5 days due to stress and my chest is always tight and throat dry through worry. I'm really scared i'm gonna lose it and crack up through worry.
I'm about to drop out of 4th year in uni because i've spent all year messing about doing no work and now my dissertation is due in I can't do it. Also this means leaving my girlfriend behind whom I've been with for 5 years. This also means that I am going to disappoint my whole family. I've been the only one in my family of 6 siblings who went to uni and i'm constantly being told how proud they are of me and they'lll be gutted when i tell them i didnt complete the course. I'm also a foster child and have had the same pressure from the foster department over how thrilled they were that a 'looked after' child had gone on to university. A lot of the people from this department mean a lot to me because in effect they were often my surrogate parents and its breaking my heart that through my own idiocy i've disappointed everyone. Coupled with this i have a maxed 1800 pound overdraft and still owe the uni nearly 400 quid in rent which i need to pay before i can graduate even with a normal (non-honours degree). I'm dropping out and going home this week because i havn't slept in 5 days due to stress and my chest is always tight and throat dry through worry. I'm really scared i'm gonna lose it and crack up through worry.
Hey,
I know it may seem like like it now, but it's not the end of the world. Maybe you could re-take your final year at a later date. Perhaps, you could take some time out and work for a while and come back to uni life when your a bit older. Are you certain there is no way you can complete your degree this year?
Edit: Actually, now I remember that I spoke to a person a while ago who couldn't complete his degree and left with non-honours. He was able to take his honours degree though night classes or a year out from working. Plus there's a lot of things you can do with non-honours. I'm sure I've heard of plenty of teacher's with non-honours (mind you that involves a post-grad).
Hope this helps
I know it may seem like like it now, but it's not the end of the world. Maybe you could re-take your final year at a later date. Perhaps, you could take some time out and work for a while and come back to uni life when your a bit older. Are you certain there is no way you can complete your degree this year?
Edit: Actually, now I remember that I spoke to a person a while ago who couldn't complete his degree and left with non-honours. He was able to take his honours degree though night classes or a year out from working. Plus there's a lot of things you can do with non-honours. I'm sure I've heard of plenty of teacher's with non-honours (mind you that involves a post-grad).
Hope this helps
Reply 2
This isn't the end of the world.
And yes, they will be dissappointed, but they will still love you and be proud that you gave it a shot.
Is there any chance you can just retake the year you messed up?
Everyone messes up - it's part of growing up. You didn't get the qualification, but you got the experience of standing on your own two feet and looking after yourself.
Life will be good again....
And yes, they will be dissappointed, but they will still love you and be proud that you gave it a shot.
Is there any chance you can just retake the year you messed up?
Everyone messes up - it's part of growing up. You didn't get the qualification, but you got the experience of standing on your own two feet and looking after yourself.
Life will be good again....
Reply 3
Definetly. Got at least 1/4 of dissertation to finish hand in is 13th. Also got 2000 words for tommmorrow for another unit that i need to make up my credit level. Its really gettin me down. I know i could do it at a later date but i just feel such a huge failure. Cant retake year cos tution fees will cost a bomb maybe in the future. Its really mostly the financial situation thats gettin me down. Going home to a full time bar job though on thurs so might not be to bad. But i really need to pay that rent or they wont let me grad.
Work for a few years. No one says you have to go back straight away.
It's only natural to feel like you've failed, but remember there's a lesson to be learnt from this. When you do come back to your studies, (which I hope you will) you'll probably older and (hopefully) more mature and so be able to deal with the workload more effectively. If you work for a while you'll also be able to less stressed financially. Lots of people take a year out during their degree. Don't worry about it. It's not worth lossing your health/sanity over
It's only natural to feel like you've failed, but remember there's a lesson to be learnt from this. When you do come back to your studies, (which I hope you will) you'll probably older and (hopefully
) more mature and so be able to deal with the workload more effectively. If you work for a while you'll also be able to less stressed financially. Lots of people take a year out during their degree. Don't worry about it. It's not worth lossing your health/sanity over Reply 5
Its amazing how much one little smily can light up a situation. Thanks so much. Think i've got this in perspective now. Dont feel quite so bad. Thanks. Genuinley Thanks.
You haven't failed. A lot of people don't even get as far as the 4th year, and you should be proud of that. Before giving up, try talking to a tutor and see what you can do. If you hand in the dissertation, but fail it, I think you might be able to hand in a re-take of it sometime over the summer - therefore you wouldn't need to pay another year's fees, because it would still be this year. I'd check all your options before assuming something can't be done and leaving/giving up, because someone (i.e. your tutor) may have a simple easy solution that you just don't know about or haven't thought of.
If you do decide to leave, then you can always return or do night classes as the others have said. Just make sure that whatever you choose to do, you make the decision for the right reasons, and because it is what you WANT to do. If you truly, really want to stay at uni, I'm sure you can get help from someone and find a way - it maybe hard, but nothing is impossible.
Good luck, I hope it all works out.
If you do decide to leave, then you can always return or do night classes as the others have said. Just make sure that whatever you choose to do, you make the decision for the right reasons, and because it is what you WANT to do. If you truly, really want to stay at uni, I'm sure you can get help from someone and find a way - it maybe hard, but nothing is impossible.
Good luck, I hope it all works out.
stirlingboy
Its amazing how much one little smily can light up a situation. Thanks so much. Think i've got this in perspective now. Dont feel quite so bad. Thanks. Genuinley Thanks.
you could ask about taking a year out and repeating next year - this would give you chance to work, sort out your finances etc
Reply 11
"I loved reading your book. It really helped me understand the feelings
I am having. Thank you for your insight. "
- Tracy, Nevada, U.S.A
Contents
Foreward
Introduction
Can This Relationship Survive?
Building a Solid Foundation
Communication is Critical
Coping Strategies to Save Your Sanity
Having a Life When He's Away
Preparing For Your Time Together
Separating and Coming Together
Long-Distance Sex (Oh, yes, Virginia... there is such a thing!)
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Introduction
Once upon a time there was an ordinary woman who worked at an ordinary software company. One day in the hall she met a prince disguised as an ordinary man, and she knew almost immediately that he was The One.
He looked at her and decided that she must certainly be a princess, for only a princess could steal a man's heart with a single smile. In truth, she'd never been a princess before and never thought to become one, but in loving her, he crowned her the princess of his heart, and even in her grandest dreams she'd never imagined anything so perfectly wonderful as that.
They were thrilled to have found each other... but soon the prince was forced to leave his princess and travel to another land, where he lived without her for more than a year. It was the longest year of their lives. They were rarely together, and then only briefly. Their hearts broke and they went mad with loneliness for each other. Each of them, knowing the true beauty of the other, was sure that the other was doubtless besieged with irresistible offers of love and passion, every single day. Neither thought themselves worthy to hold the other's heart... especially from such a distance. They suffered mightily and cried copiously... until a miracle began to happen. As time passed, they each saw that the other continued to wait and continued to suffer, with love. The princess began to trust that he really loved and wanted only her, and would settle for no other. The prince came to believe that she loved him so much that she would wait... no matter how long he was away.
And so they did wait, for one another. Time passed slowly, but their hearts rested more easily in the sure and certain knowledge that one day they would be together, forever.
When that day finally came, there was feasting and dancing in all the kingdom. The family and friends who'd comforted the two when they were suffering alone came to rejoice with them and celebrate their joy at being together again, at last. The prince and his princess joined their hands and vowed before all to love each other forever and ever.
And they loved happily ever after.
When I met Gary and fell in love with him, I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. At that time he was a software engineer, and in the computer industry two years is about the normal life span of a job for good technical people. There's so much demand for their talents that they change jobs with some frequency to jump up their salaries, and they usually travel... a lot.
Within a few months of our meeting, he was living in Denver and I was still home in Austin, missing him and feeling profoundly sorry for myself. For one-and -a-half long, lonely years, we saw each other twice a month, in Austin or Denver... and we lived for those weekends.
There were no books on surviving this sort of thing at that time, and no one either of us knew had ever made it work. But we loved each other too much not to try. We had some of the best times of our lives on those weekends together... and some of the worst times between them. He buried himself in hard work to stifle the pain of our separation, but no amount of work could relieve the suffering. Three times I reached my breaking point and ended the relationship. Three times within days, I was back on the phone with him, crying my heart out. It was hell.
After the longest eighteen months in the history of the world, he came home to Austin, we got engaged, and everything was as wonderful as we always knew it could be. We were busy planning our wedding and being a normal couple. We were both happier than we'd ever been. He was offered an opportunity to work in Switzerland and we were thrilled about it. We arrived in Switzerland and moved into our new house a month after the wedding. I thought our separations were behind us and I was ready for happily ever after.
I was sadly mistaken.
For the next two years, Gary traveled all week, every week. Although he was home on weekends, I spent five days a week in a small village in a foreign country where I had exactly one friend and could barely speak the language. I have never felt so alone.
And that's how I came to know a thing or two about long-distance relationships. Since then, I have met countless people who are living with them: people who travel for business, people in the military or in love with someone who is, people who are away at school, and so many people who have fallen in love over the Internet and are living for the day they can join their mates in one country or the other. This book is for them. I am touched by their stories because I know what it's like to wait and wish and want so much that nothing else matters.
If you're in a long-distance relationship, welcome to the fold. It is my most heartfelt wish that what you find between the covers of this book gives you comfort, makes you laugh, helps you solve a problem or two, and most of all, gives you the sure and certain knowledge that You Are Not Alone.
Click Here to Get Your Books in 10 Minutes !
Can This Relationship Survive?
That's the big question, the one that haunts you late at night in your too big, too cold, and, certainly, too lonely bed. You've seen your friends' relationships crash and burn some, even when they seemed perfectly suited to each other and you can't help wondering what chance your relationship has to survive, especially given the distance between the two of you.
I am having. Thank you for your insight. "
- Tracy, Nevada, U.S.A
Contents
Foreward
Introduction
Can This Relationship Survive?
Building a Solid Foundation
Communication is Critical
Coping Strategies to Save Your Sanity
Having a Life When He's Away
Preparing For Your Time Together
Separating and Coming Together
Long-Distance Sex (Oh, yes, Virginia... there is such a thing!)
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Introduction
Once upon a time there was an ordinary woman who worked at an ordinary software company. One day in the hall she met a prince disguised as an ordinary man, and she knew almost immediately that he was The One.
He looked at her and decided that she must certainly be a princess, for only a princess could steal a man's heart with a single smile. In truth, she'd never been a princess before and never thought to become one, but in loving her, he crowned her the princess of his heart, and even in her grandest dreams she'd never imagined anything so perfectly wonderful as that.
They were thrilled to have found each other... but soon the prince was forced to leave his princess and travel to another land, where he lived without her for more than a year. It was the longest year of their lives. They were rarely together, and then only briefly. Their hearts broke and they went mad with loneliness for each other. Each of them, knowing the true beauty of the other, was sure that the other was doubtless besieged with irresistible offers of love and passion, every single day. Neither thought themselves worthy to hold the other's heart... especially from such a distance. They suffered mightily and cried copiously... until a miracle began to happen. As time passed, they each saw that the other continued to wait and continued to suffer, with love. The princess began to trust that he really loved and wanted only her, and would settle for no other. The prince came to believe that she loved him so much that she would wait... no matter how long he was away.
And so they did wait, for one another. Time passed slowly, but their hearts rested more easily in the sure and certain knowledge that one day they would be together, forever.
When that day finally came, there was feasting and dancing in all the kingdom. The family and friends who'd comforted the two when they were suffering alone came to rejoice with them and celebrate their joy at being together again, at last. The prince and his princess joined their hands and vowed before all to love each other forever and ever.
And they loved happily ever after.
When I met Gary and fell in love with him, I had no idea what I was letting myself in for. At that time he was a software engineer, and in the computer industry two years is about the normal life span of a job for good technical people. There's so much demand for their talents that they change jobs with some frequency to jump up their salaries, and they usually travel... a lot.
Within a few months of our meeting, he was living in Denver and I was still home in Austin, missing him and feeling profoundly sorry for myself. For one-and -a-half long, lonely years, we saw each other twice a month, in Austin or Denver... and we lived for those weekends.
There were no books on surviving this sort of thing at that time, and no one either of us knew had ever made it work. But we loved each other too much not to try. We had some of the best times of our lives on those weekends together... and some of the worst times between them. He buried himself in hard work to stifle the pain of our separation, but no amount of work could relieve the suffering. Three times I reached my breaking point and ended the relationship. Three times within days, I was back on the phone with him, crying my heart out. It was hell.
After the longest eighteen months in the history of the world, he came home to Austin, we got engaged, and everything was as wonderful as we always knew it could be. We were busy planning our wedding and being a normal couple. We were both happier than we'd ever been. He was offered an opportunity to work in Switzerland and we were thrilled about it. We arrived in Switzerland and moved into our new house a month after the wedding. I thought our separations were behind us and I was ready for happily ever after.
I was sadly mistaken.
For the next two years, Gary traveled all week, every week. Although he was home on weekends, I spent five days a week in a small village in a foreign country where I had exactly one friend and could barely speak the language. I have never felt so alone.
And that's how I came to know a thing or two about long-distance relationships. Since then, I have met countless people who are living with them: people who travel for business, people in the military or in love with someone who is, people who are away at school, and so many people who have fallen in love over the Internet and are living for the day they can join their mates in one country or the other. This book is for them. I am touched by their stories because I know what it's like to wait and wish and want so much that nothing else matters.
If you're in a long-distance relationship, welcome to the fold. It is my most heartfelt wish that what you find between the covers of this book gives you comfort, makes you laugh, helps you solve a problem or two, and most of all, gives you the sure and certain knowledge that You Are Not Alone.
Click Here to Get Your Books in 10 Minutes !
Can This Relationship Survive?
That's the big question, the one that haunts you late at night in your too big, too cold, and, certainly, too lonely bed. You've seen your friends' relationships crash and burn some, even when they seemed perfectly suited to each other and you can't help wondering what chance your relationship has to survive, especially given the distance between the two of you.
Reply 14
Money is just a number mate, and it shouldn't stop you from completing your degree. You only have yourself to blame for being lazy in your most important year - girlfriend too much of a distraction perhaps? I think retaking the year has to be a priority and you could work over the summer to fund it. Suspend your studies now and repay the uni with the money you earn from your bar job. If you don't graduate with an honours degree you will regret it for the rest of your life, period.
Reply 15
Profesh
Having anticipated a treatise on the Oedipus complex, I am, suffice it to say, palpably disappointed.
Haha!
I feel your pain dude... tis something I entered the thread half hoping to be surprised by
To the OP- it's your life, do what you have to for yourself now. Yes those people will probably be disappointed at first, but that’s only because they care for you man. They will get over it quickly if they see you're happy, and as has already been stated you can go back to finish off your degree at a later date. Stuff like this has to be used as a learning curve, don't allow yourself to be crushed by it. One of my favourite quotes very much relates to this...
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." - Sir Winston Churchill
It applies here in your situation, and to everyone at some time or other. Remember it, and use this experience to come back next time ready and better equipped to finish your degree.
Best of luck in the future!
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