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Homesick and depressed at Uni

mab1994

Moved to uni a couple of days ago and I feel so completely alone and this is not where I want to be at all. My flat mates are all so different and we all don't really get on, the people on my course mostly travel in every day from home so I feel so out of place and different like I don' fit it. I keep skyping my family, boyfriend and friends and ave told my mum all about it and I feel bad because I'm making her upset but we've talked about travelling home every weekend which is what I will do but I'm such a long way away. I'm quite a negative person anyway and this is getting me so depressed I can't stop crying and I just do not want to be here at all. I have just filled out a form to get counselling because I think that will help. Also I don't feel like going to freshers events, I'd rather just cuddle up in bed and watch a film. Just want a friendly face to be here and a hand to hold.
I need some advice or encouragement as to what to do, because at this rate I am going to drop out even though it had taken so much from me and my mum to get here and I know the pressure is on to stay.

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Reply 1

Amannn

You haven't started lectures yet though have you? So you'll make friends who are interested in the same things as you...

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 2

Emily555

Don't worry - I feel completely the same! People deal with it differently, I guess it's just more painful for people like us! Xxx

Reply 3

sarahwright94

youve just wrote exactly how i feel. Im in Derby like nearly 3 hours on the train from home and i really think ive made a huge mistake :frown:

i know what you mean about a friendly face, i would give everything to have my friends and family near by. I want to quit....and i some how think i truely mean that!
hopefully we can get things sorted for the better :smile:

Reply 4

lifeisred

I feel completely the same :frown:

Here if you wanna talk!

Reply 5

nazgul1

be brave. I'm from Chinese and decided to avoid people from the same country and make new friends. No one to talk to making me quite frustrated sometimes but I really got stronger these days. Just one word for you : confidence :smile:

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 6

Pwhiskers

It gets so much better if you stick it out for a little longer, don't worry! Try not to get into the habit of going home every weekend because not only will it cost you so much money, but it also means you'll have an even harder time making friends with flatmates and course mates - while you're at home they'll be doing things and getting to know each other!

I had a bit of a down/depressive spell at the start of university last year and now I can't wait to go back!

Reply 7

Youngtip

N'aww don't be like that. This will eventually go away. Good luck!

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 8

S4991

I feel the same way. I get on well with my flatmates, I really am hating the whole fending for myself thing though, I wish I'd decided to wait a year and study an extended degree at Herts Uni so I could commute from home, rather than jump at the first course I was offered through clearing. I miss my Mum as well :frown:

Reply 9

Sophyla

I'm only an hour or so away by train but it feels like the world on a student budget :frown:

None of my flatmates have really bothered to make the effort with me and I moved in a little after them so it's like they've all made their own friendship groups in the flat and I'm on my own. I know courses haven't started yet and that I'll meet people more like me when they do but right now I just want to pack everything in and go home.
It's horrid, I find myself suddenly really upset for no reason, especially during times when I would be curled up on the sofa at home with my mum. People keep saying that it will get better and I know logically that it will but it doesn't help me at all right now.
It's just pretty awful here and I wish I had stayed at home :frown:

Reply 10

ecoue

'Day by day in every way it's getting better and better' thats what I kept telling myself every night before I went to sleep and when I woke up in the morning and it relly helped :smile:

Reply 11

Creat0r

I'm not enjoying it yet either. Man up and stick it through.

Reply 12

sheepy18

I didn't get on with uni, stuck it out for about 4/5 months and jacked it in. I just got too depressed being away from everything. Its not for everyone and if you try it for a bit and its not for you, there's no shame in going home :smile:

I got a job and I've been happier working :smile:

Reply 13

Mrx123

I feel the same, I'm different from my flatmates but I know who my course mates are and I might not talk all the time or go drinking all the time but I realise something. I am who I am and I'm going to keep trying to talk a little more every day and as long as I try then I'll be happy. I can have conversations even though im a shy quiet person.

I'd just love to meet someone whos in the same position, maybe I'll feel a little less lonely then :smile:

Reply 14

shamy69

stick with it. University presents a unique opportunity to meet people from a variety of backgrounds, some folks compatible others not, since we can't cater to everyones taste. Take it from somone who suffered from endogenous depression, who's been stabbed, who has unavoidable family commitments and maintains a part-time job. I was at the point of quitting university several times over, i stuck with it! It gets better, i met one of my best friends at university, so no regrets. Looking forward to the rest of my life, and for once i'm smiling again :smile:

got my degree from a russel group too.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Me too, I'm at Manchester and although people like me at first, they soon go off me and I have no idea why.
Everone else is going out and getting laid and I'm finding it really hard to cope

Reply 16

snozzle

Hang in there, you'd be surprised how many people were feeling like you are at the start of uni, it can feel a really overwhelming experience when you are just 18 as for many people it's the first time away from home on your own, and you are thrown into a completely new and alien social and life experience.

You gotta remember that you have no need to rush finding friends, just let things settle out on their own without putting massive pressure in yourself. It takes many people the whole first year to find a social circle they are comfortable with.

If you are really finding it totally overwhelming and you really can't cope like its making you ill or something then don't feel shame in quitting. Personally I had an awful first year and probably should have quit and had a year or two out. I was quite immature at 18 and not ready for it. There was times in the first year when i was at the lowest i have been in my life and I had constant panic attacks and think I was depressed or something, but by the third year I was really comfortable and had loads of close friends. Please do see a councillor as well. I never did that and regretted it. I thought it would be weak but that is daft, they see it all the time as lots of people find it tough and that will at least reassure you that you have nothing to be ashamed of.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 17

shamy69

Original post by snozzle

Hang in there, you'd be surprised how many people were feeling like you are at the start of uni, it can feel a really overwhelming experience when you are just 18 as for many people it's the first time away from home on your own, and you are thrown into a completely new and alien social and life experience.

You gotta remember that you have no need to rush finding friends, just let things settle out on their own without putting massive pressure in yourself. It takes many people the whole first year to find a social circle they are comfortable with.

If you are really finding it totally overwhelming and you really can't cope like its making you I'll or something then don't feel shame in quitting. Personally I had an awful first year and probably should have quit and had a year or two out. I was quite immature at 18 and not ready for it. Please do see a councillor as well. I never did that and regretted it. I thought it would be weak but that is daft, they see it all the time as lots of people find it tough and that will at least reassure you that you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Snozzle's right it's better to get that element of reassurance, don't worry about stigma plus great friends find you and i was lucky i had an awesome first year at uni made tons.

Reply 18

Anonymous #2

I started uni a few years ago, hated it so much and got quite ill and depressed and ended up dropping out after 6 weeks. Started again the year after at Manchester, just going into my 3rd year and love it most of the time.
Give it a while longer, try and get involved in societies etc but if deep down you know it's really not for you, there's no shame in dropping out.

Reply 19

rlb0561

I feel exactly the same :frown:

i haven't stopped crying since i got here yesterday. I'm usually a really sociable and happy person but I feel as though I just want to curl up on my own and cry... I feel so low. I'm really frustrated because I worked so hard to get here and I thought it was what I really wanted but I'm having MASSIVE doubts :frown:

I only live an hour away so i'm going home for the weekend tonight, hopefully that will cheer me up a little bit.
Take care, there are loads of people who feel the same as you :frown:

xxx

(edited 11 years ago)