bf and uni

me n my bf had decided to go to the same uni 2gether at the end of last yr, we have bin 2gether a yr and half n dont want to end up nt seeing him if we went to seperate ones-be at uni in week and he works all weekend. This way we can both et degree and still manage to see each other.
But yesterday he said that he is worrying about leaving where he lives and not sure if he wants to go 1hr and half away from home-only reason he going this far is because he wants to stay with me. I have explained to him that hes not leaving as he can come home at weekend, but he still worrying. I want him to be happy and if that means him going to a uni 20 min away and me a hr and half away. I just dont know if I will be happy as I can see it ending between us if we never see each other.
I also have the offer to go to reading (which I have declined, but thinkin i may be able to sort something out), which im thinkin about if he wants to go to uni closer to home-as i think i may prefer it.
This prob doesn't really have an answer and not really sure what im askin, just advice i spose, cus its driiving me crazy. thankz in advance x

Reply 1

Kittennffc

15

First mistake - basing your uni decision on where your boyfriend is going.

Does it matter if you are at seperate unis? You will still get to see each other at weekends and holidays. Uni is a place where you gain independance, meet new people and get life experience, and if you go with your boyfriend, the chances are that you will both stick with each other instead of making the effort to meet new people.

If he wont be happy living an hour and a half away from home, he shouldn't go to uni there, simple as.

Reply 2

q1w2e3r4t5y

If you both go to Reading, would he be happy then? If you would both be happy there and sort something out with UCAS, then you could both go to a near-home uni.

Why did you decline your offer?

Reply 3

ejrktol

thankz 4 replies-kittenffc i no ur right but just dont like to believe it-i just dont no how we wud cope long distance-even though it may not seem long distance compared to other people. Im thinkin if it comes to him wantin to go close to home I wud rather be at reading than leicester as it seems nicer-i chose leicester and not reading as reading rejected him. My 14 days are up now as well on ucas changy thing so may be difficult. I know I shouldnt have worked around him and him vice versa but i was and still am scared. Il just have to find someway to talk to him about it and sort everything out. x

Reply 4

Purple

18

Talk to him about it, where do you want to go to? Then ask him where he wants to go. What courses are you doing? If you have a similar timetable and end up living apart you could always spend the weekend together?

I was in a similarish situation, I live with my boyfriend so I either move away and go to a decent university full time, or live with him and do the degree part time at the decent uni whilst working or go to a not so good university and live with him. I have decided I am not going to move away so I will be doing the part time degree or going to the nearby but not so good university.

Reply 5

djk_99

13

Anonymous

me n my bf had decided to go to the same uni 2gether at the end of last yr, we have bin 2gether a yr and half n dont want to end up nt seeing him if we went to seperate ones-be at uni in week and he works all weekend. This way we can both et degree and still manage to see each other.
But yesterday he said that he is worrying about leaving where he lives and not sure if he wants to go 1hr and half away from home-only reason he going this far is because he wants to stay with me. I have explained to him that hes not leaving as he can come home at weekend, but he still worrying. I want him to be happy and if that means him going to a uni 20 min away and me a hr and half away. I just dont know if I will be happy as I can see it ending between us if we never see each other.
I also have the offer to go to reading (which I have declined, but thinkin i may be able to sort something out), which im thinkin about if he wants to go to uni closer to home-as i think i may prefer it.
This prob doesn't really have an answer and not really sure what im askin, just advice i spose, cus its driiving me crazy. thankz in advance x

No offence, but your relationship can't be very strong if you think that you will split up if you go to different uni's. I know plenty of people that have a long-term boyfriend at home, and don't see each other every weekend- maybe once a month? 2 in particular spring to mind- a flatmate who has an older boyfriend who is working back in London, and a flatmate whose girlfriend is in the final year of 6th form. Both couples seem rock solid to me.
Don't base your future on your boyfriend (I know it sounds harsh...) but he might not be around this time next year, but your education you will have forever. Ultimately, you have to do what makes you happy in the long run.

Reply 6

c0co

12

Forgetting your boyfriend..would YOU prefer to go to Reading or Leicester?

Reply 7

Lush Law

15

The only good advice that you need is that you should be entirely selfish when it comes to deciding where to study. It's a huge decision, you need to ensure that where you'll end up will be somewhere that you'll be happy socially and academically.

Don't make sacrifices for other people - go where you want. You invest far to much in your three to six years as an undergraduate to go somewhere you're not entirely sure about.

Reply 8

jellybones

Hey don't worry about it my boyfriend is in Oxford whilst I'm in Wales (still at home) and next year I'll be god knows where (hopefully Manchester) whilst he's in London. Our relationship's just fine even though we live hundreds of miles apart. If fact I actually think our relationship has benefitted from being a long distance one, this way we don't tire of each other's company or find petty excuses to argue and when we see each other it's soooo nice.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

definitly dont go to the same uni just becasue ur bf or gf is going there! trust me.

I decided to go to uni where my gf is going because at that time i didint want to leave her and vice vesa. It was 2 and a bit hrs from home and to be honest im not that happy now! Also at uni things change...people change..He or you may grow apart and if you break up then one of you will be stuck at a uni u didnt really want to go to. Ive found myself staying in my relationship beacuse i know if i ended it i would hate been so far from home and and feelin on my own! Also it can restrcit your social life. Not always the case! Ypu may find it hard that your bf is making new friends and hangin out with different girls and then jeolusy can become a problem. Also he might feel the same. If your relationship is meant to work then you can make it work no matter where you go and if its just a short distance between you then even better. At first it will feel strange but you adapt and wen u do see each other it will be even better for you. rememebrer absence makes the heart grow fonder" :smile:

bf and uni

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