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I am a broken loser. watch

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    I am posting anonymous because a few people know me on tsr and I just don't want them to find out it's me.

    (Sorry this might be a bit too long, forgive me)

    Well anyway, I feel so lonely. I have no real friends and a have no one who loves me as in a boyfriend. I only have family who loves me but that’s only okay to a point.

    I go to college and all my friends from school have all moved on and it's my final year or it should be but I am staying in college for another year to finish my course.

    All my friends from school they are in the same college as me, but they are leaving to go to university. I really don't know why I call them friends. When I did just say I have no real friends. I mean I only get to see the people from my school when I bump into them I do say hi but it's always like they don't really care that much anymore. I find it hard to make friends, so I have no friends from college. I am such a loner.

    I was bullied at a young age and still sometimes till this day, still makes me scared into finding friends that who know the real me.

    In school I became very shy and I only had me as my company, I started to like my own company and I really don’t know why now but I don’t enjoy being on my own now. In school people did try to get to know me but I always put up a front to help myself stop and not let them get to know the real me. That was my problem, I was horrible to them. I regret that now because when I see them it is awkward to deal with what I done. When I first started college I did smile and I did say hi to them if ever I saw them but they did not respond at all. So now I have given up. It hurts because I did have a chance to let them get to know me and all I did was shut them out.

    When people from my school see me at college when I am alone they automatically think: “yeah I can understand why nobody what’s to be her friend”. I don’t really know if they think that but I can really tell that my looking at their facial expressions.

    When saying that, it’s very hard for me to find real friends who really care for me in college, I start up getting really shy and I start to stutter. It’s not like I have not tried to make friends in college it’s just that I have not found the right ones. The ones I have talked to they were really mean to me and that’s what has made me give up finding any friendly friends. Since I have to stay in college one more year it’s making me feel very sad and upset. The people I have known me from school are leaving and that leaves me with these strangers, which make me feel even more scared.

    Also the fact that I have no one to love me other than my family it's kind of making me feel depressed. It hurts when I see other people with someone they love. I have never been out with someone properly. I have never been kissed. And the closest I have been to go out with someone is a long distance relationship, he hurt me and he cheated on me. So I have never been able to trust any guy.

    When I was in a long distance relationship I was in yr 9 it ended in yr 10 I am 18 now and I feel really stupid for not going out with a guy, I am scared a little with intimacy I don't even know how to kiss a guy.

    In the end on yr 10 and the start of yr 11 I was still very depressed about this guy that I did really care about in Florida and I live in London. So throughout my final years of my secondary school years I became severely depressed over this guy in Florida. In the middle of all that I became very attracted to this guy in my year that looked very like my ex. I really started to fancy him so much, I sort of knew that he liked me to. So I never really did anything about it, since I am a very shy person.

    So I guess fell for this new guy because he looked like my ex. I have been hung up on him since end of yr 10 well until this day I am in second year of college. I have never really talked to him, only a few sentences.

    So as the transition over into college from school. I did not think about this new guy that much over in the summer holidays of that year after I finished my GCSE's that year. Since I thought then yeah I will see him again. I did not see him for months. Those months turned into a year, I became very depressed I started to realise that I had lost something that was really had potential for a relationship.

    This guy did not come to college for the first year he came in my second year. To cut things short I have been trying to pick my courage to go up to him and be really friendly as I can. I think he may like me still but I don’t know. But I am finding it really hard recently, and I know I only have 3 more moths left to try. But I need some help with picking up my courage to go and talk to him so any advice would be welcome.

    How can I sort out my life?

    So I don’t know if anyone can help me, but it would be nice if someone can it would be very much appreciated. I am sorry if when reading this it seems muddled, when I was typing this I was crying.
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    smile it makes the worst problems go away. seriously...
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    Awwwwwww Don't let life get you down, stay positive! :hugs:

    And me being the friendly helpful person I am, you could always PM me or chat on MSN (in my profile) if you'd like someone to listen to you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Okay i understand what your saying but sometimes that does not always help.
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    (Original post by Hashshashin)
    Awwwwwww Don't let life get you down, stay positive! :hugs:

    And me being the friendly helpful person I am, you could always PM me or chat on MSN (in my profile) if you'd like someone to listen to you.
    Thank you very much, i will try to contact you sometime
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    First of all don't feel under pressure. If this guy slips away its ok. I'd say that you need to sort out your core issues before you enter into a relationship anyway as they are not a quick fix and often bring their own problems to stress you out.

    So yea my advice is go to see a Doctor, even if it is for just a chat

    Feel free to PM me, lets see if we can cheer you shall we
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    Forget about the guy who looks like your ex. You said you had a time where you didn't mind being in your own company. I think everyone feels lonely from time to time, even if they do have a group of friends. I also know how hard it is to make friends with people who you have known for a long time and they knew what you were like before (shutting people out etc.) as I had been going to a school since nursery with the same people and people eventually began not making friends with me as I was so quiet. Then I moved to a different sixth form college and things are much better because there are a lot of new people and everyone wants to get to know each other more. It will be like that in university because no one (maybe a few people) will look at you and judge you. I know how in school everyone can just follow the crowd and if you're the 'quiet person', everyone will join the 'don't bother to get to know her' bandwagon, but once you experience a new environment, things will most likely be much different and there will be people just like you wanting to get to know you and not having this pre-planted misconceptions about you.

    As I said, forget about thinking about this guy who looks like your ex. Hopefully this feeling will pass later on, but you can't stay emotionally attached to someone who cheated on you and isn't worth your time.

    Anyway, just concentrate on good grades and then going to university. If it's that difficult to make friends at this point, then I think it's time to just save the effort for when you go to uni. People have probably formed their friendship groups by now and I'd just stick to being people's accquaintances in your year. Next year is a good time to make friends with people who are entering your college and then you have uni to look forward to.
    Good luck.
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    #1

    Thank you everyone for your replies it has helped somewhat. But i can't just give up this guy that i like. There's something thats still there i mean i think i should atleast say hi becuase i do still see him from time to time what do you think?
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    Please feel free to PM me too because I have been in many of the same circumstances like you and it does give a blow to your confidence and feelings about yourself.
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    Aww thank you genna yes i will contact you too sometime I am glad people on here are so firendly and here to help
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    Do you feel any better, having typed all that out?

    Maybe we should start some new society or forum or something up for when people feel like that and they can type up and then other people can listen and try to help.

    If it makes you feel good, keep saying hi- obviously you're no gargoyle and you seem pretty articulate and sensitive- but don't seriously expect too much. If he turns out to be a n00b, focus on his bad points (that may be dodgy advice, I am a bitter person justnow ) and have an active fantasy life inside your head.

    Keep typing, and don't let it get you down cause we all care, even the bitter, cynical, slightly strange ones.
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    (Original post by clyn)
    Do you feel any better, having typed all that out?

    Maybe we should start some new society or forum or something up for when people feel like that and they can type up and then other people can listen and try to help.

    If it makes you feel good, keep saying hi- obviously you're no gargoyle and you seem pretty articulate and sensitive- but don't seriously expect too much. If he turns out to be a n00b, focus on his bad points (that may be dodgy advice, I am a bitter person justnow ) and have an active fantasy life inside your head.

    Keep typing, and don't let it get you down cause we all care, even the bitter, cynical, slightly strange ones.
    there is the moaning thread and the cry thread, but you need to be a subscriber to view and post on those :p:
    • #1
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    Yeah it does make me feel better that i have typed up all thats making me feel upset and to let it all out makes me feel so much better. I would if i could but i would not know how to start up a society for people who just what to type up how they feel. Very nice idea though

    Thank you for the compliment

    Yeah it does make me a whole lot better if i smile and say hi to him. But i was trying to build back my confidence to talk to him. I am nearly there, i just need the next time to be more sucessful. From what i know he's not a n00b lol he's quite a nice guy But thanks for that advice clyn. Lol why do you feel a litte bit bitter lol?

    Yeah i will still keep typeing it's helping, all of you people on tsr are so nice and yes your all do care
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    OK folks, let's have one then. The "I'm having a bad day and feel fragile" society. PM me if you want one.

    And anonymous, you can be a leader. I really hope you feel better soon, and if you need to, you know how to message me.

    Wow, don't I sound like a self-important twerp. :P
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    (Original post by clyn)
    Wow, don't I sound like a self-important twerp. :P
    We could always start a society for that too.
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    Yeah i like that idea Yay! thats so cool

    Yeah sure i will

    Lol you do, but it's okay its funny
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    1hr ago you probably felt alone. Now look we have got you to smile

    When you put things into perspective they aren't so bad. Sure, ok, you've had a rough ride so far but onwards and upwards from here. Hold your head up high and say 'hi' (you see what i done there? :p:) when you see that guy.

    I would recommend the Doc still though and there are also support lines you can call up anon and chat.

    you'll get through all of this
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    aww :hugs: if you need another person to talk to you can always PM me too

    You should just start talking to this guy, chances are he's not likely to ignore completely so maybe he's shy too? :p:
 
 
 
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