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After sex I feel bad emotionally and wish I hadnt done it watch

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    Ok so, he's not really my boyfriend but we are pretty close like that. It's just I'll get in the mood...hey...im 17 and always in the mood...and while we do it it's great but afterward I feel dirty and I wish I didnt sleep with him and like I can't talk to him for like 2 days afterward. The other day he commented on that with a little humor 'u always run and hide after sex' and i just laughed telling him 'no i don't' and whatever...but it's true...why can't i just have sex and feel good about it afterward like everyone else?
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    Well maybe if it was with someone you loved then you would feel good. If you arnt even a couple then I can see why you wouldn't feel good. Only my opinion
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    talk to him about it.
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    (Original post by lalax-x)
    Well maybe if it was with someone you loved then you would feel good. If you arnt even a couple then I can see why you wouldn't feel good. Only my opinion
    :ditto::ditto:
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    You don't seem to agree with what you are doing morally so think if you want to do it with your brain not your sex drive
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    i felt like that after my first kiss and my reaction was the same. if its happening repeatedly, TALK TO HIM! i mean, imagine what he must secretly think. after sharing with you something so intimate and loving and beautiful, you dont speak to him and run off. he may feel rejected, or wondering if you dont love him or if he was good enough. at least reassure him that its not him.

    do you have any personal issues, like rape/abuse that might affect you? or maybe underlying guilt from religion/moral upbringing or maybe it reminds you of a past partner you'd rather forget. i think bottling it up isnt going to help and you should speak to maybe him, or a good frined. or maybe you wearnt ready to start being sexual with him at this stage in the relationship?
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    sorry i just read the OP's 2nd post. i think maybe you find it harder than you think to disassociate your body and emotions so somehow you feel that sex without love is wrong or dirty. just my thought. maybe if you have a proper bf you might feel better and enjoy it more. have you had this problem in past relationships? or is this your first sexual relationship - if so, i think its logical youd feel this way losing the V to someone who isnt your bf. maybe the solution is to go out with him properly
    • #2
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    not really my boyfriend
    You answered your own question. You're only 17 for **** sake. I think you can do better than go for the first guy who wants a shag, so you can be like your friends.

    How about looking for a proper, decent guy?
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    Well I dont have a history of sexual abuse. This migh sound weird...but I feel like I owe him something ..but he has never said that and probably doesnt think that...because he's always there for me and he always asks why i end up with the wrong guys...so when i do have sex with him its much more emotional than any past boyfriend....except THE ONE...the only guy i have been with other than my friend...he was amazing but i guess he didnt want me anymore and completely broke my heart. Sometimes I feel like im looking for that again and when I have sex with my friend I feel that but then afterward I just reach this low...and no matter how low i get i still do it again because how he makes me feel before. and like i said..he is such a great guy and is so fond of me that i think, why not?
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    (Original post by lessthanthree)
    because you're either doing it with the wrong person, or you're not ready to be doing it in the first place.

    Sorry hun, but it's not really the way that people generally go about having sex. If you know you feel this bad after, why do you keep doing it?
    :ditto: i understand its different when your in the mood its like anything else your addicted to, but you why keep making the same mistake.
    Oh and Anon you say how amazing this guy is, how he appreciates you, always there for you, fond of you, wondering why you are with the wrong guys.
    Well sorry but he sounds nothing like that to me if hes happy to use you for no strings fun but not be your boyfriend
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    well he does want me to be his girlfriend. He asks all the time but I just tell him something like 'oh i dont think i can committ now'...I don't know what is up with me. I just need a change. I'm hoping that me moving to England will be what I need to sort stuff out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well he does want me to be his girlfriend. He asks all the time but I just tell him something like 'oh i dont think i can committ now'...I don't know what is up with me. I just need a change. I'm hoping that me moving to England will be what I need to sort stuff out.
    Maybe it will help you sort some stuff out, you clearly dont know what you want and having sex with this guy is clearly no good either for you.
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    Babe, don't let yourself think that you owe him this...even if he is there for you etc you don't have to repay him, just accept it. You don't need pay for people's kindness.

    Do you feel you've got over your ex? You need healing time from a broken heart and, as you've found, trying to heal yourself with this subsitute leaves you feeling worse when it's over.

    It sounds like you need to really be upfront and honest with this guy cos if you're sleeping with him and not commiting, like he would like, then it's likely he could be feeling confused and secretly hurt..the fact that he joked about you running away after seems to point to this.

    I hope you can get this sorted soon. Take care x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I dont have a history of sexual abuse. This migh sound weird...but I feel like I owe him something ..but he has never said that and probably doesnt think that...because he's always there for me and he always asks why i end up with the wrong guys...so when i do have sex with him its much more emotional than any past boyfriend....except THE ONE...the only guy i have been with other than my friend...he was amazing but i guess he didnt want me anymore and completely broke my heart. Sometimes I feel like im looking for that again and when I have sex with my friend I feel that but then afterward I just reach this low...and no matter how low i get i still do it again because how he makes me feel before. and like i said..he is such a great guy and is so fond of me that i think, why not?
    First of all, don't go to bed with someone because you feel guilty or obliged to, or because of some strange reasoning or anything like that. It is bound to get messed up if you do. When you decide to sleep with someone you should both ( that includes you) want to do it, and not just intellectually. You should feel as if you want to as well.

    Secondly, do you have any feelings for this guy? You do seem to praise him a lot. If you ask me it seems as if you really do like him but just don't dare to enter a relationship. Does that sound anywhere close?

    Best advice I can give you is to be honest with this guy. You seem to care about him a lot, and its no wonder you feel bad about yourself if you are hiding things from someone you care about.
 
 
 
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