What do I do? Completely confused...
I am not sure what to do next. Basically, I'm 19 years old, and failed my first year of as levels (studying maths, biology, chemistry and english) back in 2010, due to personal circumstances which affected my attendance and focus at the time. So then I decided to try again, this time I only just managed to pass as, doing english lit, history and film studies, and got d, e, d which I know is pretty dire, but my college let me stay on for a2. As I said, I had personal circumstances going on at the time that effected my attendance again (basically I developed pcos and became very insecure about how I looked, and was dysmorphic) but I struggled through up until may this year, by which point I had two uni offers, one for worcester and the other staffordshire to study english. Then a month before the final a2 exams I was kicked out because of my attendance. So I missed the exams and was not able to get a uni place.
I am now completely unsure about what to do next. I feel like a complete and utter failure, and I have seen all my close friends go of to uni, whilst I am stuck in a situation which is not very pleasant, with a mentally abusive/extremely controlling parent, who tried her hardest to make sure I failed due to her own insecurities, e.g she sent my teacher dozens of emails telling her I 'don't deserve' to go to uni and should get kicked out of college, though my teacher ignored her because she realises my mum is mentally unstable.
I did quite well in my gcse's, a in maths, a in english lit, a in english lang, b in core science, b in additional science, and b in media studies, c in re. And in secondary school, I was always known as one of the brightest in my year. So to have everything turn out this way makes me feel like I've ruined my own future. My attendance is secondary school was always good, it was only when I started my a levels that alot of things began happening in my life, all negative, which effected my education.
Because of these attendance issues, I see it as being pointless spending another year at a college because the same thing will probably happen again. I am considering doing distance learning.
I have found a foundation degree course in Cornwall in English that only requires me to have one full A level, so if I manage to finish a2 in English via distance learning, then I'll be able to do this course. This college's teaching is provided by Plymouth university, so after two years of studying this foundation degree, I will be able to top it up to a bachelors at Plymouth uni and spend my final year there. My course will be paid in the same way uni courses are paid for, by student finance, as will my accomodation. They also have halls at this college but there is very limited availability.
The other option I was thinking of, is if I attempt to finish my three as levels, again via distance learning (which will be extremely expensive) and then do the traditional thing and go straight to uni. I am just scared that I will fail again, but maybe if it won't be based on attendance I won't do as badly. I am also scared that the quality of the distance learning course won't be good and that it will be difficult to pass. The cost of all this is another issue. I am not rich by any means, I've got a part time job at the moment as a carer for the elderly, as it was the only job I could find, but I hardly have any clients, so I only work like twice a week for one hour each time, so I get paid peanuts. I was thinking I could take out a loan but then I'd be in a huge amount of debt when I finish uni. But then it could be worth it, just to be able to say, I've been to uni the traditional way.
Any advice would really be appreciated, as I don't have a clue what to do, and feel pretty much like I've failed myself and my future.
I am now completely unsure about what to do next. I feel like a complete and utter failure, and I have seen all my close friends go of to uni, whilst I am stuck in a situation which is not very pleasant, with a mentally abusive/extremely controlling parent, who tried her hardest to make sure I failed due to her own insecurities, e.g she sent my teacher dozens of emails telling her I 'don't deserve' to go to uni and should get kicked out of college, though my teacher ignored her because she realises my mum is mentally unstable.
I did quite well in my gcse's, a in maths, a in english lit, a in english lang, b in core science, b in additional science, and b in media studies, c in re. And in secondary school, I was always known as one of the brightest in my year. So to have everything turn out this way makes me feel like I've ruined my own future. My attendance is secondary school was always good, it was only when I started my a levels that alot of things began happening in my life, all negative, which effected my education.
Because of these attendance issues, I see it as being pointless spending another year at a college because the same thing will probably happen again. I am considering doing distance learning.
I have found a foundation degree course in Cornwall in English that only requires me to have one full A level, so if I manage to finish a2 in English via distance learning, then I'll be able to do this course. This college's teaching is provided by Plymouth university, so after two years of studying this foundation degree, I will be able to top it up to a bachelors at Plymouth uni and spend my final year there. My course will be paid in the same way uni courses are paid for, by student finance, as will my accomodation. They also have halls at this college but there is very limited availability.
The other option I was thinking of, is if I attempt to finish my three as levels, again via distance learning (which will be extremely expensive) and then do the traditional thing and go straight to uni. I am just scared that I will fail again, but maybe if it won't be based on attendance I won't do as badly. I am also scared that the quality of the distance learning course won't be good and that it will be difficult to pass. The cost of all this is another issue. I am not rich by any means, I've got a part time job at the moment as a carer for the elderly, as it was the only job I could find, but I hardly have any clients, so I only work like twice a week for one hour each time, so I get paid peanuts. I was thinking I could take out a loan but then I'd be in a huge amount of debt when I finish uni. But then it could be worth it, just to be able to say, I've been to uni the traditional way.
Any advice would really be appreciated, as I don't have a clue what to do, and feel pretty much like I've failed myself and my future.
why do you want to go to university now and what do you actually want to do with your life? A degree will cost you 27k plus perhaps 21k in living costs. Your mother will have to give income details and may not wish to co-operate. If you have a problem over attending college will you will be able to cope with attending university?
It seems to me your best options are either go to college and make sure you do attend or get a job, leave home, do night classes and go to university when you are older if you need to do so.
A support group might help you deal with the pcos issues - try http://www.verity-pcos.org.uk/
It seems to me your best options are either go to college and make sure you do attend or get a job, leave home, do night classes and go to university when you are older if you need to do so.
A support group might help you deal with the pcos issues - try http://www.verity-pcos.org.uk/
Original post by beansontoast93
The other option I was thinking of, is if I attempt to finish my three as levels, again via distance learning (which will be extremely expensive) and then do the traditional thing and go straight to uni. I am just scared that I will fail again, but maybe if it won't be based on attendance I won't do as badly.
The other option I was thinking of, is if I attempt to finish my three as levels, again via distance learning (which will be extremely expensive) and then do the traditional thing and go straight to uni. I am just scared that I will fail again, but maybe if it won't be based on attendance I won't do as badly.
I assume, as you've received a diagnosis, you have spoken to your GP and been under medical care. However, have you received any psychological treatment or counselling?
A university environment is very different to a school or college environment. They do treat you more like an adult and you aren't expected to attend every single teaching session.
However, there are still compulsory teaching sessions that you do need to attend. The type and number of teaching sessions that are compulsory will vary by course. If you have medical reasons that affect your attendance then universities should be sympathetic and provide allowances (I'm sorry your college did not). However, this can only go so far and you may still miss too much in the way of teaching sessions and fall behind.
I am also scared that the quality of the distance learning course won't be good and that it will be difficult to pass. The cost of all this is another issue. I am not rich by any means, I've got a part time job at the moment as a carer for the elderly, as it was the only job I could find, but I hardly have any clients, so I only work like twice a week for one hour each time, so I get paid peanuts. I was thinking I could take out a loan but then I'd be in a huge amount of debt when I finish uni. But then it could be worth it, just to be able to say, I've been to uni the traditional way.
Have you considered the Open University? That way you can do a degree now (without finishing your A-levels) and it's distance learning. There may be occasional online video conferencing used, or there may be a few tutorials in your local area to attend, this will depend on your modules. They will be sympathetic if you have health problems and cannot attend them and you can also suspend your study and resume it at a later date.
If you're on certain income related benefits, or in a low earning job, you won't pay fees/receive a course grant.
Original post by parentlurker
why do you want to go to university now and what do you actually want to do with your life? A degree will cost you 27k plus perhaps 21k in living costs. Your mother will have to give income details and may not wish to co-operate. If you have a problem over attending college will you will be able to cope with attending university?
It seems to me your best options are either go to college and make sure you do attend or get a job, leave home, do night classes and go to university when you are older if you need to do so.
A support group might help you deal with the pcos issues - try http://www.verity-pcos.org.uk/
It seems to me your best options are either go to college and make sure you do attend or get a job, leave home, do night classes and go to university when you are older if you need to do so.
A support group might help you deal with the pcos issues - try http://www.verity-pcos.org.uk/
Because I don't want to wait until it's too late, there are hardly any jobs about at all the moment, I am working as a carer which is a job I am not happy in at all, I enjoy helping the elderly, but changing nappies on oaps is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. And I know I will be able to get some of my other health problems under control by next September, which will improve my attendance hugely. Also, living with my mum is not doing anything for my mental state at the moment, I want to get the experience of uni and get out into the world rather than be stuck with her which is what she wants. If I am living in a better enviornment, I am pretty certain that my attendance would be a hell of a lot better, living with her, for example, she would stand outside my door the whole night shouting loudly 'ARE YOU SLEEPING?' to try and wake me up so I would oversleep the next day. And she would flick the electricity switches on and off at about 4am in the morning so that the lights would come on and off to wake me up, I have mild epilepsy and she knows lack of sleep has been a trigger for all my seizures (I have had 4 only thankfully) which is another reason why she refuses to let me get any sleep, and she was very violent towards me growing up, so obviously I don't want to continue living with her, and would like to get away as soon as possible.
Last summer, I spent two months in Scandinavia with my grandparents and other relatives, and my issues got alot better and mentally I felt alot, alot more happier being away from her, and I felt a lot less insecure. This is why I want to go to uni now. This is what I truely want more than anything, rather than being stuck here in dreary London.
And I am thinking about doing a law-conversion course in the future, and possibly finding a job related to law.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by beansontoast93
I have found a foundation degree course in Cornwall in English that only requires me to have one full A level, so if I manage to finish a2 in English via distance learning, then I'll be able to do this course. This college's teaching is provided by Plymouth university, so after two years of studying this foundation degree, I will be able to top it up to a bachelors at Plymouth uni and spend my final year there. My course will be paid in the same way uni courses are paid for, by student finance, as will my accomodation. They also have halls at this college but there is very limited availability.
The other option I was thinking of, is if I attempt to finish my three as levels, again via distance learning (which will be extremely expensive) and then do the traditional thing and go straight to uni. I am just scared that I will fail again, but maybe if it won't be based on attendance I won't do as badly. I am also scared that the quality of the distance learning course won't be good and that it will be difficult to pass. The cost of all this is another issue. I am not rich by any means, I've got a part time job at the moment as a carer for the elderly, as it was the only job I could find, but I hardly have any clients, so I only work like twice a week for one hour each time, so I get paid peanuts. I was thinking I could take out a loan but then I'd be in a huge amount of debt when I finish uni. But then it could be worth it, just to be able to say, I've been to uni the traditional way.
Any advice would really be appreciated, as I don't have a clue what to do, and feel pretty much like I've failed myself and my future.
I have found a foundation degree course in Cornwall in English that only requires me to have one full A level, so if I manage to finish a2 in English via distance learning, then I'll be able to do this course. This college's teaching is provided by Plymouth university, so after two years of studying this foundation degree, I will be able to top it up to a bachelors at Plymouth uni and spend my final year there. My course will be paid in the same way uni courses are paid for, by student finance, as will my accomodation. They also have halls at this college but there is very limited availability.
The other option I was thinking of, is if I attempt to finish my three as levels, again via distance learning (which will be extremely expensive) and then do the traditional thing and go straight to uni. I am just scared that I will fail again, but maybe if it won't be based on attendance I won't do as badly. I am also scared that the quality of the distance learning course won't be good and that it will be difficult to pass. The cost of all this is another issue. I am not rich by any means, I've got a part time job at the moment as a carer for the elderly, as it was the only job I could find, but I hardly have any clients, so I only work like twice a week for one hour each time, so I get paid peanuts. I was thinking I could take out a loan but then I'd be in a huge amount of debt when I finish uni. But then it could be worth it, just to be able to say, I've been to uni the traditional way.
Any advice would really be appreciated, as I don't have a clue what to do, and feel pretty much like I've failed myself and my future.
Well both of these options sound positive moves for you. I'd be inclined to think that the foundation course at Cornwall might be best... the reason I say that is because I think you get student finance support for foundation courses (I'm not 100% sure... double check by asking in the student financial support forum on here), which would mean that you could afford to do it without any burden or stress. It would also allow you to move out of home. I think in your situation its really important to move out of home as soon as possible, and starting a foundation course would take you somewhere where finding accommodation and support would be easier and more straightforward than striking out on your own somewhere.
If you go the distance A level route I'd consider moving out somewhere (far away
), working part time and studying part time if you could. If you moved somewhere else you could do Access courses instead, where you take evening classes.Original post by beansontoast93
Because I don't want to wait until it's too late, there are hardly any jobs about at all the moment, I am working as a carer which is a job I am not happy in at all, I enjoy helping the elderly, but changing nappies on oaps is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. And I know I will be able to get some of my other health problems under control by next September, which will improve my attendance hugely. Also, living with my mum is not doing anything for my mental state at the moment, I want to get the experience of uni and get out into the world rather than be stuck with her which is what she wants. If I am living in a better enviornment, I am pretty certain that my attendance would be a hell of a lot better, living with her, for example, she would stand outside my door the whole night shouting loudly 'ARE YOU SLEEPING?' to try and wake me up so I would oversleep the next day. And she would flick the electricity switches on and off at about 4am in the morning so that the lights would come on and off to wake me up, I have mild epilepsy and she knows lack of sleep has been a trigger for all my seizures (I have had 4 only thankfully) which is another reason why she refuses to let me get any sleep, and she was very violent towards me growing up, so obviously I don't want to continue living with her, and would like to get away as soon as possible.
Last summer, I spent two months in Scandinavia with my grandparents and other relatives, and my issues got alot better and mentally I felt alot, alot more happier being away from her, and I felt a lot less insecure. This is why I want to go to uni now. This is what I truely want more than anything, rather than being stuck here in dreary London.
And I am thinking about doing a law-conversion course in the future, and possibly finding a job related to law.
Last summer, I spent two months in Scandinavia with my grandparents and other relatives, and my issues got alot better and mentally I felt alot, alot more happier being away from her, and I felt a lot less insecure. This is why I want to go to uni now. This is what I truely want more than anything, rather than being stuck here in dreary London.
And I am thinking about doing a law-conversion course in the future, and possibly finding a job related to law.
I appreciate that your mother may be a major cause and being away from he will imrpove things. This is something I wanted to adddress in my last post but was kicked off the computer so had to keep it brief
However, I still think it's worth considering the Open University as an additional option and you don't necessarily need to live with your mother while studying.But, as far as those two options go, the first does sound the best. I'd strongly recommend that, when you start university, you contact the disability service and make them aware of this so that appropriate allowances can be made (there is additional support available, such as Disabled Students Allowance, for those who may face additional study related costs as a result of a medical condition).
Original post by Craghyrax
Well both of these options sound positive moves for you. I'd be inclined to think that the foundation course at Cornwall might be best... the reason I say that is because I think you get student finance support for foundation courses (I'm not 100% sure... double check by asking in the student financial support forum on here), which would mean that you could afford to do it without any burden or stress. It would also allow you to move out of home. I think in your situation its really important to move out of home as soon as possible, and starting a foundation course would take you somewhere where finding accommodation and support would be easier and more straightforward than striking out on your own somewhere.
If you go the distance A level route I'd consider moving out somewhere (far away), working part time and studying part time if you could. If you moved somewhere else you could do Access courses instead, where you take evening classes.
If you go the distance A level route I'd consider moving out somewhere (far away
), working part time and studying part time if you could. If you moved somewhere else you could do Access courses instead, where you take evening classes.Thanks alot for the advice. Yes that's what I've been told too, I think you recieve the same amount of support financially with a foundation degree as with normal degrees. I agree, I think it's important I leave as soon as possible and learn about the world, rather than being stuck with my mum which won't be particularly beneficial. And if I stay here, then who knows how long it'll take before I end up leaving. So I really think it's for the best that I leave, even if I don't do that greatly at uni, at least the enviornment will be alot mroe pleasant.
Original post by River85
I appreciate that your mother may be a major cause and being away from he will imrpove things. This is something I wanted to adddress in my last post but was kicked off the computer so had to keep it brief However, I still think it's worth considering the Open University as an additional option and you don't necessarily need to live with your mother while studying.
But, as far as those two options go, the first does sound the best. I'd strongly recommend that, when you start university, you contact the disability service and make them aware of this so that appropriate allowances can be made (there is additional support available, such as Disabled Students Allowance, for those who may face additional study related costs as a result of a medical condition).
However, I still think it's worth considering the Open University as an additional option and you don't necessarily need to live with your mother while studying.But, as far as those two options go, the first does sound the best. I'd strongly recommend that, when you start university, you contact the disability service and make them aware of this so that appropriate allowances can be made (there is additional support available, such as Disabled Students Allowance, for those who may face additional study related costs as a result of a medical condition).
Thanks for the advice, it's very helpful. I'm going to try my hardest to make sure I can go to cornwall next september, failing that, I will definetly consider the open university route, though I want to be in a better job by that point, so I won't be bored.
Original post by beansontoast93
Because I don't want to wait until it's too late,
Last summer, I spent two months in Scandinavia with my grandparents and other relatives, and my issues got alot better and mentally I felt alot, alot more happier being away from her, and I felt a lot less insecure. This is why I want to go to uni now. This is what I truely want more than anything, rather than being stuck here in dreary London.
And I am thinking about doing a law-conversion course in the future, and possibly finding a job related to law.
Last summer, I spent two months in Scandinavia with my grandparents and other relatives, and my issues got alot better and mentally I felt alot, alot more happier being away from her, and I felt a lot less insecure. This is why I want to go to uni now. This is what I truely want more than anything, rather than being stuck here in dreary London.
And I am thinking about doing a law-conversion course in the future, and possibly finding a job related to law.
It is never too late to go to university, all universities have some mature students. You obviously need to move out of home but doing so by going to university is not the only option.
Would your grandparents or other relatives take you in now? You could take distance A levels and then go to university either here or elsewhere in the EU. Some European universities teach in English and offer financial support on the same basis as for their own countries's students.
Jobs should not be hard to come by in London. Have you considered being an au pair so you get accommodation, pocket money and time off to study? You could look for other live in jobs.
I doubt pcos will get you assistance from disability services, your other issues may.
See your gp and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist. The best thing for you is a diagnosis. This will give you the upper hand in applications and explaining your past.
Get well before doing anything else, or you will suffer the same fate as before. I have experience of this. Next time won't be different, unless you are in therapy for your problems!
Get well before doing anything else, or you will suffer the same fate as before. I have experience of this. Next time won't be different, unless you are in therapy for your problems!
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