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I have noticed this as well, and often wondered why. Maybe it's getting bored of the relationship? Or maybe it's that you know that person that well by then that you know whether you're sick of them or can't get enough? I'm not sure.
Hmm... interesting, my friend broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years just a month ago.
I think that's how long it takes to fall into such a common routine that nothing becomes fun anymore, and the bad traits show up more because the good ones are being overlooked because you get used to them during the course of 2 years.
I think that's how long it takes to fall into such a common routine that nothing becomes fun anymore, and the bad traits show up more because the good ones are being overlooked because you get used to them during the course of 2 years.
I could be completely wrong, but I read somewhere that infatuation lasts about 2 years. It's very difficult to tell the difference between infatuation and love, but when that infatuation disappears after two years, if love hasn't replaced it, the relationship is pretty much doomed.
actually, where I was, I noticed that relationships tended to fall apart at 1.5 years and at 3.5 years. Way too many couples around me were ending their relationships at those marks. it was weird!
Original post by RalphsDisciple
I could be completely wrong, but I read somewhere that infatuation lasts about 2 years. It's very difficult to tell the difference between infatuation and love, but when that infatuation disappears after two years, if love hasn't replaced it, the relationship is pretty much doomed.
That's really interesting...I'm going to look into the psychology side of that abit more. Do you know the source of where you read that ?
Original post by alijimi
Perhaps young people should ask advice from older people who have been able to stay in one relationship for 30 years for example 
What's your secret ?
Original post by Signorita23
What's your secret ?
Everybody knows the secret I guess. In the old good days, marriage and family concepts were stronger than now, people used to marry at younger age and stick to their partner lifelong. The secret word was sacrifice, and that's what is missing today. Many young people are selfish and aren't ready for any sacrifice to keep their relationship alive
.I always say, relationships are like plants, you should keep watering them, once you stop they die. Even small things can make the difference in a relationship, just like spices in food, small amount makes the taste much different
I read somewhere before that up until around the two year mark a relationship is based around lust and not love. If it lasts longer then this then there is some genuine love. Not sure how true I reckon that is.
Personally, I think when you're younger you're still discovering who you are and your interests are growing. I've changed friendship groups multiple times in the last 5 years because my hobbies and interests change and I started to lose the things I had in common with the previous people, we're still friends, just don't spend all our time together. I think relationships are the same, me and my ex boyfriend got together at 15 but by the time I was 17 and a half I realised that I we weren't the same people that we used to be and didn't enjoy each others company like we did before. I think this is true well up until you reach the later stages in life and you've settled with a job, you've pretty much discovered who you are.
Personally, I think when you're younger you're still discovering who you are and your interests are growing. I've changed friendship groups multiple times in the last 5 years because my hobbies and interests change and I started to lose the things I had in common with the previous people, we're still friends, just don't spend all our time together. I think relationships are the same, me and my ex boyfriend got together at 15 but by the time I was 17 and a half I realised that I we weren't the same people that we used to be and didn't enjoy each others company like we did before. I think this is true well up until you reach the later stages in life and you've settled with a job, you've pretty much discovered who you are.
Original post by alijimi
Everybody knows the secret I guess. In the old good days, marriage and family concepts were stronger than now, people used to marry at younger age and stick to their partner lifelong. The secret word was sacrifice, and that's what is missing today. Many young people are selfish and aren't ready for any sacrifice to keep their relationship alive .
I always say, relationships are like plants, you should keep watering them, once you stop they die. Even small things can make the difference in a relationship, just like spices in food, small amount makes the taste much different
.I always say, relationships are like plants, you should keep watering them, once you stop they die. Even small things can make the difference in a relationship, just like spices in food, small amount makes the taste much different
So true and nicely put
Yup, but relationships and marriages fail if only one person is trying to hold **** together. Both love birds need to be adding spices to the recipe of love
Original post by alijimi
Everybody knows the secret I guess. In the old good days, marriage and family concepts were stronger than now
Or maybe the older generation had lower (or more realistic) expectations.
Or maybe many in the older generation were not in love with their partner, but were happy enough and did not consider this a reason for divorce.
Or maybe many in the older generation were not happy with their partner, but felt that divorce was unacceptable.
Not discounting what you have said (which may also be true to an extent), I don't think the above factors can just be ignored. I'm not sure I believe in the value of preserving a relationship even if it is no longer loving or happy. Just my 2pence.
(edited 11 years ago)
I guess it is because, as many people have already stated, this is around the time the honeymoon period begins to wear off. So the rose tinted glasses come off and perhaps flaws become more prominent and therefore more irritating.
Plus perhaps having the lack of new knowledge strains the relationshop in general - the new and exciting element can be lost because you are familiar with that person to a point where little surprises you anymore. Plus getting content with a situation because its lasted that long can throw a spanner in the works.
Personally, I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 and a half years but can relate and say the relationship tilted at about 2 years with us being too comfortable and not pushing hard enough to keep eachother 'well cared for in the relationship' if that makes sense.
Plus perhaps having the lack of new knowledge strains the relationshop in general - the new and exciting element can be lost because you are familiar with that person to a point where little surprises you anymore. Plus getting content with a situation because its lasted that long can throw a spanner in the works.
Personally, I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 and a half years but can relate and say the relationship tilted at about 2 years with us being too comfortable and not pushing hard enough to keep eachother 'well cared for in the relationship' if that makes sense.
The infatuation/magic/butterfly feeling lasts around 2 years. For some it may be one year, but 2 years is typical. So relationships often don't last past that, either because there is no real foundation for a relationship other than attraction OR because one of the two are not aware of what a relationship takes. A lot of people are in love with the feeling of being infatuated. I see it all the time. I dated a guy who had two 2-year relationships past him. I should have seen he was just the type to get high on emotions.
Two years? Oh dear, I got dumped after one and a half.
Original post by BeanofJelly
Or maybe the older generation had lower (or more realistic) expectations.
Or maybe many in the older generation were not in love with their partner, but were happy enough and did not consider this a reason for divorce.
Or maybe many in the older generation were not happy with their partner, but felt that divorce was unacceptable.
Not discounting what you have said (which may also be true to an extent), I don't think the above factors can just be ignored. I'm not sure I believe in the value of preserving a relationship even if it is no longer loving or happy. Just my 2pence.
Or maybe many in the older generation were not in love with their partner, but were happy enough and did not consider this a reason for divorce.
Or maybe many in the older generation were not happy with their partner, but felt that divorce was unacceptable.
Not discounting what you have said (which may also be true to an extent), I don't think the above factors can just be ignored. I'm not sure I believe in the value of preserving a relationship even if it is no longer loving or happy. Just my 2pence.
I agree, the first 2 reasons you mentioned are nicely put; if people nowadays were more realistic about their relationships and the future, they would save themselves from disappointments. And being happy with the partner but not deeply in love, is a good reason to stay in a relationship, but young people nowadays expect the opposite, deep love and then happiness, so they are deeply in love for 2 years and when the love is over the relationship ends. That brings us back to the first reason you mentioned: the older generation had lower (more realistic) expectations, which was much better in my opinion
.Lack of respect and being unable to enjoy any moment with the partner are the strongest reasons for a divorce, I believe
.
My boyfriend and I are coming up to the 2 year mark, and we've had to start thinking about things like, do we both want kids, what happens if one of us has to move away for work, where do we want to live etc.
These are big things, and if you both want completely different lifestyles then it's not really gonna work. I guess it's around the 2 year mark people really start to think about these things.
These are big things, and if you both want completely different lifestyles then it's not really gonna work. I guess it's around the 2 year mark people really start to think about these things.
This is why it's not such a good idea to jump into relationships too soon. Especially when it's with someone you don't know very well. Of course there are exceptions and the like; but people by default, get too comfortable in their relationships that they now feel they don't need to make an effort to keep their partner or their interests intact and in mind. So the relationship inevitably breaks down.
I guess that's why these days I have to be more direct and open in the sense of getting my intentions out as early as possible. Regardless of how attractive, or how brilliant someone's personality is. If their lifestyle is at the other end of the spectrum, whether that's due to hobbies, interests and habits - then I just won't go there. I'd rather be friends or friends with benefits. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Guess it's all about compatibility. When you fall in 'love' too soon (don't know how this is possible), after a certain period of time. Very little habitual traits of your partner will really drive you up the wall. Also if what you want in life is completely different, then why waste your time? I could understand if it were a casual relationship and you just wanted to have fun though.
I guess that's why these days I have to be more direct and open in the sense of getting my intentions out as early as possible. Regardless of how attractive, or how brilliant someone's personality is. If their lifestyle is at the other end of the spectrum, whether that's due to hobbies, interests and habits - then I just won't go there. I'd rather be friends or friends with benefits. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Guess it's all about compatibility. When you fall in 'love' too soon (don't know how this is possible), after a certain period of time. Very little habitual traits of your partner will really drive you up the wall. Also if what you want in life is completely different, then why waste your time? I could understand if it were a casual relationship and you just wanted to have fun though.
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