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Not allowed a boyfriend..... Age 20

Reply 20

Guy01

1

Not being allowed a boyfriend at age 20 is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

Reply 21

kokopops

10

ok...heard a lot of responses to this problem just now..just wondering...OP is this a religion/race thing?! sounds like it is to me. lots of my friends are in serious relationships but will be in lots of trouble if their parents find out! i relate totally! im 19 (some of my frends are 20 btw)!

Reply 22

cookiecrumble

kokopops

ok...heard a lot of responses to this problem just now..just wondering...OP is this a religion/race thing?! sounds like it is to me.

Yes this is an issue but not the whole problem...... as i said I was actually going out of the same race + religion etc. but they still had a problem with it!

Reply 23

freshestkid

1

Are they pushing for an arranged sorta thing? I've got mates whose parents/grandparents wanted them to do that, luckily they respected their kids views ie 'NO! **** that! Im not marrying my second cousin! That's well ****ed up!' as was one alleged response. Made me chuckle

Reply 24

kokopops

10

cookiecrumble

Yes this is an issue but not the whole problem...... as i said I was actually going out of the same race + religion etc. but they still had a problem with it!

ok...it is tough...parents (well mine anyway) like to think theyre cool and really understanding, but at the end of the day no matter how old i am, they still see me as that little girl whose bum theyve wiped and who theyve brought up. they just want the best for you...chances are (yeh they may not have known your bf) but they obv in some way thouht he wasnt the best person for you! they have your best interests at heart...seriously!!

Reply 25

zav

14

OK i have heard enough

I did not realise this was such a widespread problem with dictorial dads...

I am going to start a political movement to end this control freek parenting

The RFOC

relationship freedom of choice

any better names post em.

Stand up for yourselves! This is unbelievable put yourselves first before you parents for once as you know your in the right. They will come round eventually

Reply 26

Anonymous #2

black_mamba

Wow I'm in the same situation! I'm 23 and my dad still doesn't know I have a partner of 3 years. I'm worried that if he finds out he'll get violent with my mother whom he lives with (he could twist this whole situation and blame her). I simply don't want to endanger my mothers life like that, its not worth the benefit of being open about the relationship for that. He has a history of violence (me + sisters + mother had to live in a women's refuge for a while because of it) but this situation is crazy. He's so traditional and in denial about the culture he has brought me into (hes from the middle east).

What are we gonna do? :eek:

I'd love my father to meet my boyfriend, but I just can't see it happening. :frown:

Luckily my partner is understanding (like the post above me)...I just don't know if I can keep this up much longer. It sucks.

Ya i knwo it sucks. Especially you feel like you should bring your bf home to show your family who you love.

I wanted my bf to keep our relationship in secret as well just incase people pass on the gossip and my dad could hear that one day. I feel terribly sry for my bf as he wanted to tell everyone about us soooo much.

Reply 27

Anonymous #2

zav

OK i have heard enough

I did not realise this was such a widespread problem with dictorial dads...

I am going to start a political movement to end this control freek parenting

The RFOC

relationship freedom of choice

any better names post em.

Stand up for yourselves! This is unbelievable put yourselves first before you parents for once as you know your in the right. They will come round eventually

But what can we do tho? They are the parents. They rule (especially dad). I think they are just trying to protect their "baby" (us). I know they will eventually let us go , but dont know when will that be ....maybe 30+ :frown:

Reply 28

cookiecrumble

They may have my best interests at heart but how is constricting me like this going to be beneficial,

you have to let the good in with the bad

the bottom line is noone will ever be good enough, they met this boy and liked him didnt have a bad word to say against him, the thought of him being a boyfriend just wasnt acceptable tho.

Reply 29

kokopops

10

cookiecrumble

They may have my best interests at heart but how is constricting me like this going to be beneficial,

you have to let the good in with the bad

the bottom line is noone will ever be good enough, they met this boy and liked him didnt have a bad word to say against him, the thought of him being a boyfriend just wasnt acceptable tho.

could be that they dont see it as constricting you, rather its them protecting you!! what you can say is that its a sign that their daughter is growing up...not every parent likes that!

Reply 30

Schmokie Dragon

17

You are twenty. They can do NOTHING. Honey, there are times when we have to put our parents in their place. Once you are an adult, you can drink, drive, have sex, own a house, get married, they have nothing they can make you do. If they try, you just put your foot down and tell them to let well alone. Would they physicaly restrain you? Lock away the key to the house and not let you out? or are you the type that is put down will meekly do as you are told.

I'm sure there is a crime there somewhere...

Reply 31

zav

14

Anonymous

But what can we do tho? They are the parents. They rule (especially dad). I think they are just trying to protect their "baby" (us). I know they will eventually let us go , but dont know when will that be ....maybe 30+ :frown:

You have to tell them and suffer the result. As ive said be strong and stick by your point.

Invite your bf round, tell your parents that they meen alot to you like he does and you think it would be great if you met.

Explain it serious and not just a shag and ask if they have any issues they want to talk about.

They cannot stop you. The only person that will let you down is you.
Go for it and you will feel much better and im guessing your bf will aswell.

Reply 32

black_mamba

14

Anonymous

Ya i knwo it sucks. Especially you feel like you should bring your bf home to show your family who you love.

I wanted my bf to keep our relationship in secret as well just incase people pass on the gossip and my dad could hear that one day. I feel terribly sry for my bf as he wanted to tell everyone about us soooo much.

Its sad isn't it? Whats worse is I know that my dad and bf would really get along, if only he[father] wasn't so traditional.

I think its generally down to bad parenting; being overly restrictive without giving any clearcut and legitimate reasons for not allowing partners. A.B.P. - against bad parenting. :p:

Reply 33

zav

14

black_mamba

Its sad isn't it? Whats worse is I know that my dad and bf would really get along, if only he[father] wasn't so traditional.

I think its generally down to bad parenting; being overly restrictive without giving any clearcut and legitimate reasons for not allowing partners. A.B.P. - against bad parenting. :p:

Erm your parents say is not international law so brake it and do what you want...

Reply 34

black_mamba

14

zav

Erm your parents say is not international law so brake it and do what you want...

You didn't read my original post did you? I am independant, but within reason, because if being open about my bf means putting my mothers life in danger I'm not willing to do it.

Reply 35

zav

14

Even though i don't know the ins and outs why do you not condem your dads act of violence?

Reply 36

Schmokie Dragon

17

How ever, for those where physical violence is not a factor, you really have to just bite the bullet and be open. Parents can only do what you let them do. If they lay a hand on you once you are an adult, isn't that assault?

Reply 37

Anonymous #2

zav

You have to tell them and suffer the result. As ive said be strong and stick by your point.

Invite your bf round, tell your parents that they meen alot to you like he does and you think it would be great if you met.

Explain it serious and not just a shag and ask if they have any issues they want to talk about.

They cannot stop you. The only person that will let you down is you.
Go for it and you will feel much better and im guessing your bf will aswell.

My case is not as serious as the main person. I'm only 19 and I think my parents probably think i'm too young to have a bf before 20/21.
my dad is more reasonable, nowadays, because he knows I'm getting older and he told me, once, that he trusts me....oh no... it was my mum not him. maybe i just have to wait til i get into Uni. I'm not worry bout not having a bf anyway. :p:

I'm already used to it. :frown:

The way some of our parents think are different because they are from different backgrounds. (we are from the East as well) parents from western country are more open and will talk about the issue more oppenly unlike ours. :frown:

ps: I'll not tell my parents how much i like a guy as this is the part that we will never mention in our family.

Reply 38

black_mamba

14

zav

Even though i don't know the ins and outs why do you not condem your dads act of violence?

How do you mean? Tell him off? :p:

If you're referring to the police, they've been involved before but their help has its limits. We can't afford bodyguards either.

My situation is a little more difficult than the others mentioned here, its not as simple as just standing up for myself, I was just getting involved because I know what it feels like to keep such a silly, mundane secret, and was sharing thoughts.

Reply 39

cookiecrumble

Schmokie Dragon

How ever, for those where physical violence is not a factor, you really have to just bite the bullet and be open.

what do you do if violence could be a factor?

or other things, its the unpredictability which is the issue

Not allowed a boyfriend..... Age 20

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