This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Not allowed a boyfriend..... Age 20

Scroll to see replies

Aeris

Well it's their house. I'm not saying they're right, but if you move out on your own, you can do what you want. At 20 shouldn't you either be in college or like finding a job and getting your own apartment?

exactly

Reply 81

Aeris

speedstacker

exactly

Wow and I thought everyone would immediately disagree with me.

Reply 82

speedstacker

Aeris

Wow and I thought everyone would immediately disagree with me.

I do have the problem as Anon but I still agree with you.
I wil dislike how my parents treat me but i always try to understand their reason (without asking them). They will let us go eventually(i'm sure). I'm not worried about getting a bf or not as i can stand by myself anyway :wink:

. But maybe this is because my parents aren't as strict as Anon 1.

Reply 83

Talya

speedstacker

mostly ASIAN. I know this as i'm an asian.

I'm asian and my family are all, like, 'Have you had sex with your boyfriend yet?!' Aaaah!

Reply 84

speedstacker

Talya

I'm asian and my family are all, like, 'Have you had sex with your boyfriend yet?!' Aaaah!

aw. that must be embarassing :redface:

my parents wouldn't even mention "boyfriend" infront of their children :frown:

Reply 85

cookiecrumble

At 20 shouldn't you either be in college or like finding a job and getting your own apartment?

I am actually at university at the moment tho this hasn't dettered them from dictating my life.....

Do you really believe that the average student has enough money for their own place?

And if Im not even allowed a boyfriend what makes you think I'm allowed to leave home already LOL....

Reply 86

Schmokie Dragon

Well, they cant stop you leaving home. That would be something like unlawful imprisonment. If you want to go and have the money to rent (or can get a job with on site accomodation), then just sort it all out, come home one day and say "its been great, but I'm moving out next week". What can they really do?

But you're right, at uni the money is going to be an issue. Are you living at home durng term time or living in digs/rented accomodation?

But if you live in their house, its their rules and their contract (however stupid). If you break it you have to face them or leave.

Reply 87

Suyin01

It has to do with asian culture... hard to explain why exactly, but its the way it works. trust me, i live in a country with abt 75% asians, i've seen girls of 25 living with their parents, going to local uni, n not allowed to talk to boys on the phone etc, n girls of 19 never considering having a bf coz they kno their parents will marry them off at the age of 25 or 26 with sum chap from a nice family. it spooks me out.....

Reply 88

*Katie*

Anonymous

To the OP ... you are not alone! i am 23 years old and my parents still won't let me out late let alone have a boyfriend. If I decide to go out for a couple hours on a friday night with friends from work i have to tell them that i am running late etc, because they just start phoning me asking where i am and making me feel guilty about being out late.

if you think that's bad...for my 23rd bithday last month i planned to go out to the movies with a friend and told my dad that i would be back for about 8pm and he angry and said that there was no need to stay out past 6pm... this got me really mad because i am 23 after all..didn't speak to my dad for ages..but it all came down to being a good little asian girl and not doing anything that might get you in trouble so no one will marry you. i stopped talking to my mum about 6 months ago because she refused to support me in building my own life and career even though she got her own.

added to this being a sikh girl i am not allowed to cut my hair...or shave...or tweeze my eyebrows because my parents would go ballistic..and quite possible disown me...because of this i am constantly upset and feel i am being judged all the time by people assuming i am someone when i'm not, ie. that i have chosen to be a strict sikh when i haven't...this really makes it hard for me to make friends because i feel like i haven't got the confidence io would have if i was allowed to do these things.

I really feel for you. Your parents seem to have really taken it to the extreme!!

Reply 89

Anonymous #6

thanks katie :biggrin:

it means a lot that i can write about my problems on here and people actually listen without judging me. your right my parent's are an extreme case and i don't know how to deal with them. my dad even threatened to stop me from continuing my phd if i started going out with my friends at night. it is really hard because at 23 it is difficult to expalin why you can't go out and i feel like i never fit in.

its funny because they say that they want you to get a good education so you can get a good job but at the same time they want to arrange your marriage and have their grandkids. my arguement to my parents is ' what is the point in sending us to university if you are going to get us married to some guy who will have us working in his corner shop' my parents never have an answer for this and it gets me really mad.

i think you should live life for now...if you want to do things...do them now...why wait until your older or you've finished your degree....just enjoy life now...because you never know what the future brings

but my parent's don't agree...so guess i will have to wait until i am married to enjoy my life...that's if my husband will allow me!

Reply 90

minimo

Hmmm, maybe I should give my perspective. My family are Asian Catholics. Double whammy there. :p:

I get all the 'honour thy parents' crap (Do they trust me so little that I wouldn't look after them financially when they are old??) For a long time the idea of a bf was unthinkable. They'd just say he wants to use you and get you pregnant. The fact that I have a disability made them very over-protective and that worsened the situation. However, they have tamed down a lot over the last few months. They realised I was not mental/going to get laid/run off with a druggie. I made a point of telling them that I thought that sex (and the use of contraception) out of marriage and abortion was wrong and that I had no intention of doing the aforementioned things. I know they'd be happiest if I went out with another Catholic (though they would probably be happy with C of E if they *really* :p:

liked him).

All this is very well - but the fact that I'm an ugly fart means that no-one one will ever want to go out with me. :p:

Anyhoo, to the OP: why don't you just introduce the boy as a 'good friend' and tell you pareents you visit/go to the cinema with him/whatever just as you would tell them about a regular mate. Bring him over to your house for dinner but don't be overly affectionate to each other. Basically get them to know him as a very good friend who you trust and who cares about you very much. Then after several months of this, when they have warmed fully to him, tell them the 2 of you have realised it;s a boit more than 'just friends'??

Reply 91

*Kates*

shinytoy

the worst part is, im mature adult now and i have been indoctrinated so much that i dont know how much of my beliefs are from me and how much is from them. eg do i not want to have sex before marriage because i choose it? or do i think i have chosen it because they have told me all the evils of why it is wrong. do i choose to be religious? or is it because i have been brought up that way?
i think many asian and Catholic families are this way even when the child is older.

even worse me mam is putting the pressure on me to look after her in her old age so i'll be 45 living with my husband (if im allowed a bf lol) and my mam will be nagging us STILL. i cant get away cos otherwise she gives me a guilt trip on the commandment 'Honor thy mother and father' and 'are you Catholic?or do you want me to rot in an old people home?'

sorry OP to hijack!im just annoyed now!

The most precious thing we are born with is a mind of our own. Use it. Don't think the way other's want you to think, think for yourself. If you make a mistake so be it, you will get over it. Life is too short to worry about everything. Have fun.