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Lap Dancing, Strip Clubs & a girlfriend?? watch

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    I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years and have just found that he has been visiting strip clubs on a number of occassions. Normally on a lads night out. I wasn't too shocked at the idea of it, but was a bit confused why he didnt want to tell me about it before. He says its because i would flip out at him... he knows i wouldnt have been too happy about it I can come to terms with my long term boyfriend going to stripclubs as a night out with the boys thing and being on the odd occasion a few times a year. However, I also found out that he has had private lap dances which he has paid for himself and thought this was going a bit far..... can someone explain what a private lap dance involves? Some people reccon it counts as cheating or just being insensitive?

    P.S the last one was abroad on a stag night
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    I was well pissed off to find my bf had gone to one (only been in there, not had a dance mind). It was before we met... but still

    A private lapdance is meant to titillate, and I wouldn't like the idea of my man paying for some other woman to give him a hard on ^o)
    Muchos insensitive.
    Perhaps you could perform at home? Maybe he likes the "look but don't touch" thing and you could do that?
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    a private lap dance? thats even worst then a strip club - hes probably not cheating, but there must be something he wants from these strip clubs that he feels isnt in the relationship. if i found out my boyfriend had done that, id be heartbroken, just lay down the law, if you mean that much to him then he'd stop
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    Private - 'seductive' dancing, usual fully nekkid, no touching (on his behalf) or he gets beaten up by bouncers.

    The girls go up to the (usually pissed up ) blokes and say 'would you like a dance' and pissed up guy goes 'yeah, alright then', goes off, has his dance, stripper goes backstage for a fag 'god that guy ****in reeked, probably hadnt washed in weeks' etc etc (not talkin bout your fella, you get the idea tho). Possibly insensitive, DEF not cheating
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    So basically my boyfriend is a pig? And i have a right to flip out?

    He doesnt see anything wrong with it and says everyone does it and whoever says they havent are lieing Does this justify his actions?

    Very Concerned!!
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    To be honest if he was going every week then yeah I'd say this is on something is up but is itf out with the lads and stag dos then really there's nothing in it. As for private dances they're usually in the bar in full view of everyone and as someone rightly said he's not allowed to touch them at all!
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    To be honest, its pretty juvenile and after the first time lost its novelty for me(ive been to 3). To be honest i wouldn't flip out if i were you, he'd just go in a mood or somethin. Probably just a phase, he'll get over it soon though.
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    What if it was in a seperate part of the room with no one in it? and in another country that dont exactly have the same laws.

    He does even like it when guys offer to buy me drinks .... even though i dont accept. But gives me the guilt trip everytime and thinks i cheat on him every time i go out.

    Is okay to have a private dance by a naked girl who youve paid to do it even though you have a girlfriend and you know she would NOT be happy about it?
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    (Original post by freshestkid)
    To be honest, its pretty juvenile and after the first time lost its novelty for me(ive been to 3). To be honest i wouldn't flip out if i were you, he'd just go in a mood or somethin. Probably just a phase, he'll get over it soon though.

    Did you have a private lap dance? and if you had a gf at the time why would you do it?
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    (Original post by GLaMouR)
    Did you have a private lap dance? and if you had a gf at the time why would you do it?
    I've got a boyfriend and I've had a male one! To be honest the whole thing was hilarious but thats cause there was a gang of us
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    Sounds like he's one of these hypocritical guys who wants to do what he wants (ie these strip clubs which he knows you aren't comfortable with) but is very controlling - ie very insecure. It's obvious from his obsession about guys buying you drinks/you going out alone. Difficult thing to sort out until he becomes confident in himself really, has he had his heartbroken by a girl in the past or anythin that might have triggered this insecurity?
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    Its pretty insensitive from a girls point of view... but then guys don't really think like that. I flipped when I found out my boyfriend had been to a club, but as the damage had been done there was nothin much I could do. I just explained that I didn't like the idea and I'd prefer it if he didn't go, and then backed it up by asking him how he'd feel if I paid for a man to swing his c**k in my face to turn me on. Needless to say he's been a good boy ever since...
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    I think a girls night out is different .... a male stripping is a different kind of laugh!!

    I think when men go to see girls strip they see it differently.... no?
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    (Original post by GLaMouR)
    Did you have a private lap dance? and if you had a gf at the time why would you do it?
    Nah, i was like 18 the last one i went to, on a school trip. The bored faces on all the girls just put me off it for life really. He probably did it cos his mates were egging him on, and cos it's a laugh, but i dont really get why he goes that often, they are ****e.
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    (Original post by BombShell)
    Its pretty insensitive from a girls point of view... but then guys don't really think like that. I flipped when I found out my boyfriend had been to a club, but as the damage had been done there was nothin much I could do. I just explained that I didn't like the idea and I'd prefer it if he didn't go, and then backed it up by asking him how he'd feel if I paid for a man to swing his c**k in my face to turn me on. Needless to say he's been a good boy ever since...

    I dont want to sound insensitive but it could be that he hasnt told you when he has?? My bf says he regrets telling me now and it was better that he doesnt tell me these things....
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    (Original post by GLaMouR)
    I think when men go to see girls strip they see it differently.... no?
    If there's a gang of them its more of a laughing situation than a pervy one to be fair but to be honest thats the way guys are.
    However its NOT ok for him to be guilting you everytime you go out thinking your cheating all the time.
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    I think a lot of guys go cos its the only way they'll get attention off young nubile women who will stroke their egos all night (for a small fee), for younger guys (dunno how old your fella is) might just be a way to be 'one of the lads'.
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    (Original post by freshestkid)
    Sounds like he's one of these hypocritical guys who wants to do what he wants (ie these strip clubs which he knows you aren't comfortable with) but is very controlling - ie very insecure. It's obvious from his obsession about guys buying you drinks/you going out alone. Difficult thing to sort out until he becomes confident in himself really, has he had his heartbroken by a girl in the past or anythin that might have triggered this insecurity?

    He was in a relationship of 3 and a half years a year before we got together. He slept with another girl after their one year anniversary because they were going through a rough patch... i dont know if that was on her behalf as well. he never told her about it and carried on the relationship as normal then when she went off to uni they broke up after 2 months because they agreed or maybe she said that a long term relationship wasnt going to work. Maybe she found someone else..... ?
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    (Original post by GLaMouR)
    I think a girls night out is different .... a male stripping is a different kind of laugh!!

    I think when men go to see girls strip they see it differently.... no?
    Rubbish. It's not actually that different. Look, anyway, don't ask us if you you should flip out on him. These things are spontaneous! :p:
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    (Original post by freshestkid)
    I think a lot of guys go cos its the only way they'll get attention off young nubile women who will stroke their egos all night (for a small fee), for younger guys (dunno how old your fella is) might just be a way to be 'one of the lads'.
    one of the lads??? then surely i should be able to be one of the girls?? he is 23 years old shouldnt he have grown up already?
 
 
 
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