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    (Original post by calumc)
    Certainly, you just have to look at it from the guys perspective aswell. Being a 17-year old male myself, I know I'm just as vulnerable. The fact that so many girls seem to go out at weekends to places which should only allow over 16's doesn't help matters.
    Would you ever actually say something as manipulative as what this guy said to her though? That's not condoneable no matter what age she was.
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    Would you ever actually say something as manipulative as what this guy said to her though? That's not condoneable no matter what age she was.
    Hun, guys say stuff like that all the time, most of the time it's just harmless, you just have to stand your ground.
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    But even married men might say to their wives "ooo come on... please" or whatever. Men like sex, and will try to get it! It has to be consensual of course (in a long-term relationship or a one-time-thing), and it seems as though she did consent but regretted it afterwards.
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    (Original post by calumc)
    It does sound a little risky, but we don't know his exact words or her reaction to them. Maybe this was enough to "talk her into it" at the time - perhaps she did infact want to have sex with him either before or after he said this, but now thinks she shouldn't have. Unless she was actually forced into it at the time it's not rape, changing your mind after doesn't count.
    I know that, and I agree that you have to stand your ground more. But I don't agree that using lines like what she said he used(OK, so we don't know it exactly) is the right thing to so. I know that guys will say stuff to try and persuade you, but hell, if even me, the rubbishest person ever for being assertive can say no, perhaps she could have. That doesn't mean that what he said was ok though, but I also agree it probably wasn't "rape" per se.
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    (Original post by blissy)
    But even married men might say to their wives "ooo come on... please" or whatever. Men like sex, and will try to get it! It has to be consensual of course (in a long-term relationship or a one-time-thing), and it seems as though she did consent but regretted it afterwards.
    Exactly. I mean face it, the first time sucks for most of us and afterward we wish we hadn't done it, but you can't change it by punishing the other person. The words she used were, "he said, it's gonna happen sometime isn't it?" That's a question. It is simple persuasion and most guys have a line like that. I'll be honest though I'm having a hard time even believing the story. Sorry to the thread starter if it is true, I feel bad for you, but from what you have said I see no grounds to put that kind of label on the guy.
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    What is the point of pressing charges you didn't say no and if you hang out with 18 year olds when you are only 14 what do you expect, if the guy was such an ass you should have just not hung out with them anymore and gone back to your own age group
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    (Original post by MuniE)
    What is the point of pressing charges you didn't say no and if you hang out with 18 year olds when you are only 14 what do you expect, if the guy was such an ass you should have just not hung out with them anymore and gone back to your own age group
    Very blunt, but he does have a point.
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    (Original post by hotchick200)
    in january i shaged a lad and nearly got pregnant, but da the=ing is coz he was 18 and i'm14 shoshal servases got involved and are askin if i want 2 press charges, i didn't no the lad he was a m8 of a m8 and der not chattin now coz of it, da thing is i sed no b 4 2 times but he just said well it's guna happen su

    m time isnt it! i don't no wat 2 do!

    You're perfectly within your right to press charges regardless whether as some ******** put it 'you enjoyed getting **** or not' - the law is there to protect you as you ARE only 14. If anyone over 16 has sex with someone under 16 they have committed statutory rape and are classed as sex offenders. If he is convicted he will be put on the sex offenders register. Its a big decision to make, but he has taken advantage. All the best x
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    (Original post by ]{ingnik)
    look, he obviously didnt force you, dont press charges; it seems from what you've said that it was as much your fault as it was his
    for godsake have you lot forgotten something???? An adult who has sex with a minor is also known as a peadophile - and that's what this guy is so stop letting him of the hook!!
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    (Original post by eleenia)
    for godsake have you lot forgotten something???? An adult who has sex with a minor is also known as a peadophile - and that's what this guy is so stop letting him of the hook!!
    Yeah but, I really don't think this guy knew she was that young. Besides I think the whole thing is a load of crap, especially after the facts that viviki pointed out.
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    (Original post by eleenia)
    for godsake have you lot forgotten something???? An adult who has sex with a minor is also known as a peadophile - and that's what this guy is so stop letting him of the hook!!
    Technically, a paedophile is someone who has sex with children - i.e. pre-pubescents. Which is not what this guy was doing. There is a huge difference between raping an undeveloped child and having sex with a girl who is legally underage (which I don't condone, but we don't know that he knew she was underage) but biologically mature.
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    (Original post by Infinity)
    Yeah but, I really don't think this guy knew she was that young. Besides I think the whole thing is a load of crap, especially after the facts that viviki pointed out.
    in my usual hastiness i didn't read all the threads as i was so enraged by some of the idiotic comments. What viviki seems like fair comment but it still doesn't excuse the fuzzy thinking of some of the commentators on this thread. The simple fact is the law's there for a reason because under 16s generally don't have the emotional maturity to deal with sexual relationships and to protect them a certain category of adult who plays on this very fact.
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    Technically, a paedophile is someone who has sex with children - i.e. pre-pubescents. Which is not what this guy was doing. There is a huge difference between raping an undeveloped child and having sex with a girl who is legally underage (which I don't condone, but we don't know that he knew she was underage) but biologically mature.
    Biological maturity has very little to do with it, just because a girl has a period or whatever doesn't make her emotionally equipt to deal with a sexual relationship. She's still a minor, he's still an adult, he's still committed statutory rape and is still a sex offender. Not knowing someone's age is no excuse at all... you make it your business to know the age of the person you're sleeping with!!
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    (Original post by eleenia)
    in my usual hastiness i didn't read all the threads as i was so enraged by some of the idiotic comments. What viviki seems like fair comment but it still doesn't excuse the fuzzy thinking of some of the commentators on this thread. The simple fact is the law's there for a reason because under 16s generally don't have the emotional maturity to deal with sexual relationships and to protect them a certain category of adult who plays on this very fact.
    Oh I agree 100%, and if what the thread starter is saying is infact true she is a prime example, she couldn't even stand her ground. But I really don't think the guy knew her real age, and to be honest most guys don't just make a comment like the one she said, unless something was already going on between them. I'm not saying she was asking for it or anything, but she really didn't do anything to avoid it either. As it was stated before, I think she was ok with it then and now regrets it, maybe she thought they would start a relationship and now she's pissed at him because he didn't.
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    (Original post by eleenia)
    in my usual hastiness i didn't read all the threads as i was so enraged by some of the idiotic comments. What viviki seems like fair comment but it still doesn't excuse the fuzzy thinking of some of the commentators on this thread. The simple fact is the law's there for a reason because under 16s generally don't have the emotional maturity to deal with sexual relationships and to protect them a certain category of adult who plays on this very fact.
    Yes, and guys who deliberately prey on the vulnerability of younger girls are a different kettle of fish. I think people were trying to give him the benefit of the doubt - he might not have known how old she was, and it is possible to be more forceful about saying no. If she really didn't want to, he shouldn't have done it, but it's not as bad as if he held her down and raped her (to be graphic).
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    Yes, and guys who deliberately prey on the vulnerability of younger girls are a different kettle of fish. I think people were trying to give him the benefit of the doubt - he might not have known how old she was, and it is possible to be more forceful about saying no. If she really didn't want to, he shouldn't have done it, but it's not as bad as if he held her down and raped her (to be graphic).
    I think i'm gonna have to agree to disagree with you two :-) even speaking hypothetically, regardless of whether the threadstarter's story is true - if an 18 yr old guy had sex with a minor, then i wouldn't accept him not realising how old she was as a reasonable excuse. I also don't think it would matter how forceful a girl was at saying no because its a well noted fact that younger girls find it hard to say no which is another good reason for the whole statutory rape law. It makes no odds whether she was practically begging for it because it still stands that because she's relatively young she doesn't have the emotional maturity to make a well-informed choice about having sex.
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    Yes, and guys who deliberately prey on the vulnerability of younger girls are a different kettle of fish. I think people were trying to give him the benefit of the doubt - he might not have known how old she was, and it is possible to be more forceful about saying no. If she really didn't want to, he shouldn't have done it, but it's not as bad as if he held her down and raped her (to be graphic).
    Right, she said that she said no twice he made a comment so she just went along w/ it, (ie. consented to it) She didn't have to go along w/ it as from what she said no threat was made, she could have walked away and should have. If did know that she was just 14, he deserves an ass kicking for it. But I doubt that he knew.
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    (Original post by eleenia)
    I think i'm gonna have to agree to disagree with you two :-) even speaking hypothetically, regardless of whether the threadstarter's story is true - if an 18 yr old guy had sex with a minor, then i wouldn't accept him not realising how old she was as a reasonable excuse. I also don't think it would matter how forceful a girl was at saying know because its a well noted fact that younger girls find it hard to say no which is another good reason for the whole statutory rape law. It makes no odds whether she was practically begging for it because it still stands that because she's relatively young she doesn't have the emotional maturity to make a well-informed choice about having sex.
    One problem there, some 14 yr olds look alot older than they are, especially w/ the right clothes and some makeup thrown in. When I was 14 I looked and acted like I was 17, noone knew any different and when they did find out they didn't believe it. So it is very possible that this guy thought she was of age, and if that's the case it isn't fair to brand him unless he actually forced her. If he knew then yeah by all means he should have charges brought on. The thing is this situation doesn't mesh, she is either lying or withholding something and in that case I don't think charges should brought on.
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    (Original post by eleenia)
    Biological maturity has very little to do with it, just because a girl has a period or whatever doesn't make her emotionally equipt to deal with a sexual relationship. She's still a minor, he's still an adult, he's still committed statutory rape and is still a sex offender. Not knowing someone's age is no excuse at all... you make it your business to know the age of the person you're sleeping with!!
    No, biological maturity has a lot to do with it. It doesn't make it right - and I said in my last message that I didn't agree with it - but there is a difference - ask any psychologist and I'm sure they could rattle on for hours about it.

    I'm not sure, but I think the statutory rape law is only for under 12/under 14 or something.

    (Original post by Infinity)
    Right, she said that she said no twice he made a comment so she just went along w/ it, (ie. consented to it) She didn't have to go along w/ it as from what she said no threat was made, she could have walked away and should have. If did know that she was just 14, he deserves an ass kicking for it. But I doubt that he knew.
    Infinity - I'm basically agreeing with you! I'm just trying to say to eleenia that in a case like this where the facts aren't clear, we can't just condemn him as a rapist or her as an innocent victim. Really, we don't know enough, and seeing as the original poster is not here, we're just debating hypothetical situations.
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    (Original post by Infinity)
    Right, she said that she said no twice he made a comment so she just went along w/ it, (ie. consented to it) She didn't have to go along w/ it as from what she said no threat was made, she could have walked away and should have. If did know that she was just 14, he deserves an ass kicking for it. But I doubt that he knew.

    I can't argue this anymore because its just going round in circles.. the fact is in legal terms it wouldn't matter if she 'consented' because a 14 yr old has no legal power to consent to sex. Even if she was over 16 saying no once is enough for it to be considered as a rape case.
 
 
 
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