Help meeeee - please? :o

OK, there's this guy I've been attracted to for a long time and the feelings have just grown to the point where I'm a total goner - can't think about anything but him, whenever I do something I start thinking about whether he'd enjoy it and what it would be like to do it with him, etc. I got a lot 'worse' when it finally hit me that there's a good chance he has feelings for me too. I didn't really believe it for ages but he actually does act like someone completely besotted and wanting to move it up a level - trust me, if the signals were mild, being me, I would be missing them! It's so difficult though, because as well as being married (but separated), he teaches at the sixth form I go to (I'm 19, he's 26). I can't stand being apart from him, and I'm considering emailing him about work and adding something like 'I'm finding it hard to concentrate on the work at the moment, although a significant part of that could be attributed to the fact I miss you'. Does this sound like a reasonable move?? How do you think he'd respond, is it a signal he could miss? Thanks

Reply 1

Sithius

16

Just come out with.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Sithius

Just come out with.

I'm scared in case I get rejected though, and I'd have to see him again at sixth form every day! But does the suggested line sound ok, or not? I would never normally tell someone how I feel like this but I can't stand the thought of never seeing him again after I leave, plus I'm now totally in love goddamit :wink:

Reply 3

fried_brain

1

i understand ur dilemma....it could be tricky for both of you he teaches at your school.so if you want to be free and have a proper realtionship how open can you be about in school? ..hmmmmm i say tell him how you feel...talk to him....your leaving school soon? it would not even be a problem if you were'nt in school! the age gap is nothing..........hmmmmm you need to have a deep conversation together! :smile:

hope everything works out!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

fried_brain

i understand ur dilemma....it could be tricky for both of you he teaches at your school.so if you want to be free and have a proper realtionship how open can you be about in school? ..hmmmmm i say tell him how you feel...talk to him....your leaving school soon? it would not even be a problem if you were'nt in school! the age gap is nothing..........hmmmmm you need to have a deep conversation together! :smile:

hope everything works out!

I'm not sure; I know it's not illegal as I'm over 18, but I'm pretty sure it could damage his career potentially, though this kind of thing has happened before. I'm actually leaving in June so very soon. What makes it even worse is that he's married (married young) with children, although he's separated (not legally though) from his wife, who he appears to hate now. Seriously, with all this stuff you can see why it took me a long time to read the signs! But he really does seem to feel the same way.
Thanks for your advice :smile:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Am also worried the wording I suggested sounds a bit needy, not sure how to phrase it. Argh! :frown:

Reply 6

Purple

18

You should go for it, if you dont you will regret it.

Reply 7

fried_brain

1

dont worry about how it sounds, your asking for advice and trust me lots of people would have had those same feelings about somebody i know i have...............you dont sound needy...you just need advice...but ultimately its your decision!

Reply 8

Leafy Leaf

1

sounds like you should wait until you finish school

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

kirstinx

You should go for it, if you dont you will regret it.

I know, that's why I really want to - the only other time I had strong feelings for someone I never told them and I know how you can regret these things. Once though I told a guy I quite liked that I fancied him, and despite having flirted outrageously with me for ages (as it turns out he did it to some extent with everyone...) he just changed the subject, kind of added to a defensive mechanism I have.

I need to tell him, I can't concentrate on anything else and am going to fail my exams, etc at this rate - but I can't summon up the courage :frown:

Plus as you can see it's a really difficult situation :frown:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Leafy Leaf

sounds like you should wait until you finish school

But what if I left it that late, then lost my nerve at the crucial moment?

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

Am also worried the wording I suggested sounds a bit needy, not sure how to phrase it. Argh! :frown:

Sorry I meant this to be about the wording of the email - how to tell him - that wasn't very clear :redface:

Reply 12

Tyler Durden

17

It's subtle. In the same way that throwing a brick through his window with a love-letter attached would be subtle. How about: "I'm having trouble concentrating... lots on my mind...". If he replies asking you to explain, then you can elaborate.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

englishstudent

It's subtle. In the same way that throwing a brick through his window with a love-letter attached would be subtle. How about: "I'm having trouble concentrating... lots on my mind...". If he replies asking you to explain, then you can elaborate.

Yeah problem is, we're giving out subtle hints all the time - body language, eye contact, mild flirting, intensity, seeking each other out, etcetc - for various reasons it seems to me that he's looking for me to make the first more obvious move - unfortunately we're both people who appear reasonably confident but aren't so it's tricky. Unless he's just waiting til I finish sixth form

Reply 14

Comp_Genius

4

Why would it damage his career? Has the freedom of individuals, one of the fundamental human rights, diminished to a level, which is unacceptable, where one has no say about one's relationship!?

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

darkenergy

Why would it damage his career? Has the freedom of individuals, one of the fundamental human rights, diminished to a level, which is unacceptable, where one has no say about one's relationship!?

Because he teaches me...

Reply 16

Comp_Genius

4

Whether you are taught by him or not is irrevelant, in terms of one's fundamental right. Thus, if it is okay for two people to have a relationship, such that one is a teacher and the other is a student, where the latter is not taught by him, to have a relationship; then we have an ethical dilemma where, everything being equal, a student who is taught by the teacher, an inequality exists.

Help meeeee - please? :o

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