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How do you cope being single?
Hiya- I've been with my boyfriend for about 16 mths (minus 1 month last October when we broke up) but I don't think we'll stay together when I go to Uni in September.
Since about year 10 I've always had a boyfriend + I'm so insecure and rubbish when I'm single I'm scared I'll never be able to cope.
I'm fat- nearly overweight- and binge eat although am trying (unsuccessfully at the moment) to stop and to lose weight. Over the summer I will definately lose weight before uni and hopefully this will give me more confidence to meet people and cope with being single.
At the moment I'm not getting on great with my boyfriend and keep getting arsey with him, although mostly because I hate the way I look a LOT and feel pretty down a lot of the time because of bingeing + regretting having let myself go + let go of a lot of my close friends + a lot of things I used to enjoy doing (running, basketball, music, shopping etc) because of getting fat.
It's nice to have him to reassure me but I get snappy easily + sometimes get pretty annoyed with him.
I'm not even sure if I still love him but I really think I NEED him because I feel so bad about myself without him I'd have noone to reassure me I'm worth talking to/looking at/ spending time with let alone worth loving. He's there for me to talk to a lot of the time but often has different opinions or I'm scared he'll get fed up of me being blue + failing to stop bingeing.
Not sure whether there's the possibility of us splitting up over the last few months but it might happen.
HOW the hell do people (esp people who aren't skinny and beautiful) cope with being single? How do you cope without someone you KNOW will be there for you if you call or text? Can I be single and retain a morsel of self-respect or will I spiral out of control + become even more of a loser?
Anyone got any ideas?
Cheers xxx
Since about year 10 I've always had a boyfriend + I'm so insecure and rubbish when I'm single I'm scared I'll never be able to cope.
I'm fat- nearly overweight- and binge eat although am trying (unsuccessfully at the moment) to stop and to lose weight. Over the summer I will definately lose weight before uni and hopefully this will give me more confidence to meet people and cope with being single.
At the moment I'm not getting on great with my boyfriend and keep getting arsey with him, although mostly because I hate the way I look a LOT and feel pretty down a lot of the time because of bingeing + regretting having let myself go + let go of a lot of my close friends + a lot of things I used to enjoy doing (running, basketball, music, shopping etc) because of getting fat.
It's nice to have him to reassure me but I get snappy easily + sometimes get pretty annoyed with him.
I'm not even sure if I still love him but I really think I NEED him because I feel so bad about myself without him I'd have noone to reassure me I'm worth talking to/looking at/ spending time with let alone worth loving. He's there for me to talk to a lot of the time but often has different opinions or I'm scared he'll get fed up of me being blue + failing to stop bingeing.
Not sure whether there's the possibility of us splitting up over the last few months but it might happen.
HOW the hell do people (esp people who aren't skinny and beautiful) cope with being single? How do you cope without someone you KNOW will be there for you if you call or text? Can I be single and retain a morsel of self-respect or will I spiral out of control + become even more of a loser?
Anyone got any ideas?
Cheers xxx
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Lol you make it sound like being single is a disease that people suffer from!
Reply 4
spunk trumpet
Lol you make it sound like being single is a disease that people suffer from!
yeah exactly! theres nothing bad about it, why rush to find a new guy for the sake of NOT being single? just live your life freely and enjoy it! being single rocks!!!!
Reply 6
Lucyvet2006
Lol I realise a lot of people love being single, I'm just a particularly useless person on my own + don't know if I could cope with it. Plus- no sex?!
You don't know unless you try. No sex? I thought you girls swore by the rabbit?
Reply 7
spunk trumpet
Lol you make it sound like being single is a disease that people suffer from!
Lol I realise a lot of people love being single, I'm just a particularly useless person on my own. I don't know if I could cope- I don't know why my boyfriend is still with me but maybe I should be gratefull and just stick with him? Also- no sex?!
Anonymous
HOW the hell do people (esp people who aren't skinny and beautiful) cope with being single? How do you cope without someone you KNOW will be there for you if you call or text? Can I be single and retain a morsel of self-respect or will I spiral out of control + become even more of a loser?
Anyone got any ideas?
Cheers xxx
HOW the hell do people (esp people who aren't skinny and beautiful) cope with being single? How do you cope without someone you KNOW will be there for you if you call or text? Can I be single and retain a morsel of self-respect or will I spiral out of control + become even more of a loser?
Anyone got any ideas?
Cheers xxx
The trouble is, you're the kind of girl I would steer well clear of (then again some might say that's a good thing). You're not the only girl who seems to be like this but so many just want a guy to feel good about themselves and will settle for any guy who's willing to commit for more than a week. It's almost as if socially, such girls can't operate and are ashamed to admit they're single when they are. It's funny how I knew these girls at uni (and their "boyfriends" who were going to a different uni). These girls would make sure everyone knew they had a boyfriend, yet when I spoke to the guys, they claimed that they weren't really attached, almost single...
What's so great and glorious about having a boyfriend/girlfriend? Anyone can get one if they simply "settle" for what's available. Sure you want someone to listen to you, that's understandable...
You have to be less selfish: you're not the only one who wants to feel special. If a guy just feels like his girlfriend is with him because she simply needs someone and he seemed to do at the time, and was the only one interested anyway... well he's going to feel like ****, especially if he's looking for more than just sexual satisfaction out of his relationship.
Reply 9
SamTheMan
The trouble is, you're the kind of girl I would steer well clear of (then again some might say that's a good thing). You're not the only girl who seems to be like this but so many just want a guy to feel good about themselves and will settle for any guy who's willing to commit for more than a week. It's almost as if socially, such girls can't operate and are ashamed to admit they're single when they are. It's funny how I knew these girls at uni (and their "boyfriends" who were going to a different uni). These girls would make sure everyone knew they had a boyfriend, yet when I spoke to the guys, they claimed that they weren't really attached, almost single...
What's so great and glorious about having a boyfriend/girlfriend? Anyone can get one if they simply "settle" for what's available. Sure you want someone to listen to you, that's understandable...
You have to be less selfish: you're not the only one who wants to feel special. If a guy just feels like his girlfriend is with him because she simply needs someone and he seemed to do at the time, and was the only one interested anyway... well he's going to feel like ****, especially if he's looking for more than just sexual satisfaction out of his relationship.
What's so great and glorious about having a boyfriend/girlfriend? Anyone can get one if they simply "settle" for what's available. Sure you want someone to listen to you, that's understandable...
You have to be less selfish: you're not the only one who wants to feel special. If a guy just feels like his girlfriend is with him because she simply needs someone and he seemed to do at the time, and was the only one interested anyway... well he's going to feel like ****, especially if he's looking for more than just sexual satisfaction out of his relationship.
You've got a good point- I am being selfish- but I know my boyfriend would be gutted if we broke up. He's such a lovely guy, pretty good looking + I do enjoy spending time with him- except for when I feel sh** anyway. He's much better than I deserve, definately not just 'whatever comes along' so would be soo hard to let go of, just think maybe I should try and be single if it's best for both of us.
I don't think that, socially, having a boyfriend makes much of a difference to me. It's not as if it's the first thing I say when I meet someone or I harp on about it, I just feel that people I meet judge me and if everyone I see looks at me and thinks 'urgh, she's fat' then at least I've got one person in the world who will love me anyway. But that's me being selfish isn't it.
AARGH the decision is so hard!!!
Reply 10
Being single for a guy is a time to save up money until the next girl makes you to spend it all again.
Reply 11
Anonymous
Lol I realise a lot of people love being single, I'm just a particularly useless person on my own. I don't know if I could cope- I don't know why my boyfriend is still with me but maybe I should be gratefull and just stick with him? Also- no sex?!
We don't need to cope to be single. It's just like having the normal(i mean usual) life without your bf. you might miss him when u r lonely but it's not a big dea
l!!!You'll grow up and know someone els when u want to and then u'll have a bf again(probably better than this one
).If u r worrying for your shape just stick with your keep-fit plan. Get your sporting best friend to be your motivator.
Sex........it always doesn't bother me
. It only mean alot if i do that with my love one. 
Reply 12
Anonymous
Can I be single and retain a morsel of self-respect or will I spiral out of control + become even more of a loser?
Can I be single and retain a morsel of self-respect or will I spiral out of control + become even more of a loser?
You will gain 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more self-respect and strength if you stay single because you want to, and enjoy it. Thats it. Obviously you are low on confidence and being known of as having a boyfriend maintains some kind of comfort zone for you. But you seem to understand that being seen as attached has no real social benifits, so whats the problem? Being single is awesome I really miss it!
Anyway, why do you feel you'd be useless on your own? I'd understand if you had recently become dependant on someone because of low confidence (I'm going through the same) but you said you've been with a bf since year 10, is that a long time from now?
Reply 13
supernova2
Being single for a guy is a time to save up money until the next girl makes you to spend it all again.
good one. Our ideal man. but not all girls expect guys to pay tho. I dont like ppl paying for me. It's not nice.
Reply 14
If u r worrying for your shape just stick with your keep-fit plan.
Main thing really- my 'keep-fit plan' is worse than non-existant! I used to exercise a lot + keep control of my eating but I'm sooo useless at the moment. I could try and substitute having a boyfriend for exercise, I'd feel a lot happier with myself but motivation would have to be MASSIVE (at least 5000% increase on now!) Sex is the only exercise I get !
Main thing really- my 'keep-fit plan' is worse than non-existant! I used to exercise a lot + keep control of my eating but I'm sooo useless at the moment. I could try and substitute having a boyfriend for exercise, I'd feel a lot happier with myself but motivation would have to be MASSIVE (at least 5000% increase on now!) Sex is the only exercise I get !
Anonymous
You've got a good point- I am being selfish- but I know my boyfriend would be gutted if we broke up. He's such a lovely guy, pretty good looking + I do enjoy spending time with him- except for when I feel sh** anyway. He's much better than I deserve, definately not just 'whatever comes along' so would be soo hard to let go of, just think maybe I should try and be single if it's best for both of us.
I don't think that, socially, having a boyfriend makes much of a difference to me. It's not as if it's the first thing I say when I meet someone or I harp on about it, I just feel that people I meet judge me and if everyone I see looks at me and thinks 'urgh, she's fat' then at least I've got one person in the world who will love me anyway. But that's me being selfish isn't it.
AARGH the decision is so hard!!!
I don't think that, socially, having a boyfriend makes much of a difference to me. It's not as if it's the first thing I say when I meet someone or I harp on about it, I just feel that people I meet judge me and if everyone I see looks at me and thinks 'urgh, she's fat' then at least I've got one person in the world who will love me anyway. But that's me being selfish isn't it.
AARGH the decision is so hard!!!
Well he might be great, good-looking but you might not be making him feel that way... Sure a lot of guys are simply happy if they have a good-looking girl they can claim is their girlfriend and that they can have sex with. Quite a few want a little more than that.
Just like some intelligent, very good-looking girls need a guy to tell them they're special, even if to an outsider it seems obvious that she is, and that she should know that she is special.
If he gets the impression you're just with him for the sake of it.. you said yourself that you're not sure you really like him that much.
Although you're being "needy" and yes, it is selfish, I'm not too sure what you would get out of dumping him. Why do you want to if you think you would hate being single? Many people are simply with a partner for mutual benefits. You'd hardly be the shallowest person on the planet...
Reply 17
Anonymous
If u r worrying for your shape just stick with your keep-fit plan.
Main thing really- my 'keep-fit plan' is worse than non-existant! I used to exercise a lot + keep control of my eating but I'm sooo useless at the moment. I could try and substitute having a boyfriend for exercise, I'd feel a lot happier with myself but motivation would have to be MASSIVE (at least 5000% increase on now!) Sex is the only exercise I get !
Main thing really- my 'keep-fit plan' is worse than non-existant! I used to exercise a lot + keep control of my eating but I'm sooo useless at the moment. I could try and substitute having a boyfriend for exercise, I'd feel a lot happier with myself but motivation would have to be MASSIVE (at least 5000% increase on now!) Sex is the only exercise I get !
I think the reason you will get larger was because u thought u've got a bf so u didt need to worry about not looking "attractive/slim" (i'm not saying thin means attractive) but once you r single i bet u'll bettle to get back to nice shape as u're single again and hoping good shape will bring nice guys to u.
I hope this clear up your no-way-i-cant-do-it attitude.
Reply 19
Anonymous
If u r worrying for your shape just stick with your keep-fit plan.
Main thing really- my 'keep-fit plan' is worse than non-existant! I used to exercise a lot + keep control of my eating but I'm sooo useless at the moment. I could try and substitute having a boyfriend for exercise, I'd feel a lot happier with myself but motivation would have to be MASSIVE (at least 5000% increase on now!) Sex is the only exercise I get !
Main thing really- my 'keep-fit plan' is worse than non-existant! I used to exercise a lot + keep control of my eating but I'm sooo useless at the moment. I could try and substitute having a boyfriend for exercise, I'd feel a lot happier with myself but motivation would have to be MASSIVE (at least 5000% increase on now!) Sex is the only exercise I get !
Well thats what your problem is. If your figure is the main problem for your confidence then your choice is either do something about it or complain about it. If you really really want to look better then the motivation will be there, if you don't and enjoy being a victim then you will find an excuse.
I always use the story of a mate I met at the gym one time for motivation. About 2 years ago he'd split up with his long term gf and felt gutted, nervous breakdown, depression, you name it he had it. In the end, because he was living on his own, he joined the local gym and threw himself into training with weights because that kept him occupied and free from feeling lonely, he also go hooked on the endorphins that working your body hard provides. He started eating right, making sure he had enough sleep and generally feeling better. Then without noticing it, he suddenly started to get a lot of attention from females. 6 months down the line he had a rock chiselled body and a new air of confidence, and he's now happily settled down and engaged with a girl who was bowled over by his new physique. If he hadn't have split with his ex girlfriend and channelled his depression into the gym, none of that would have happened.
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