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Very Uncomfortable Situation watch

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    Ok, I’m hoping that someone can offer some useful advice.

    Right now, as we speak, a really close friend of mine – maybe even, I’d call him my best mate, has gone out with some of our work colleagues… people who I hate with a vengeance and they think the same of me. I obviously wasn’t invited by them.

    However, my friend suggested I come yesterday, I said no, which he just immediately accepted. Then today, he spent all morning at work saying he was ill, and says he told them he wasn’t going out. He told me at lunch he wasn’t going out with them. I’ve just texted him about something, and he’s replied saying he’ll sort it later, as he’s out with them (I did suspect he would go, even though he said he wouldn’t and he said that he didn’t want to). He claims that he’s “under cover” and there to make them feel small and show them how stupid they are (some are quite older than us, and they are all a waste of space).

    But the thing is, I feel really uncomfortable with him being out with these people. I really hate them and they hate me. I feel like they’ll try to undermine me in his eyes and make me look stupid and basically try to undermine our friendship. I think I made my feelings quite clear to him yesterday, when I found out about their plans, and I know I can’t stop him doing something he wants to (well, if I thought I could, I would try to stop him!), but, I, er, it just makes me really uncomfortable and I just want to know if I should tell him this and explain why, clearly? And does anyone have any advice about how I can get over or deal with this – I know it’s pathetic and rather irrational, but I just fear I’ll lose him to them.

    Please help!

    Thanks.
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    Sorry to say this but you can't control his life.

    Just leave him be.
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    (Original post by Sithius)
    Sorry to say this but you can't control his life.

    Just leave him be.
    I know that. I wouldn't want to. It's just I don't like the idea of him being with them, and I'm looking for a way to deal with it... any suggestions would be appreciated.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know that. I wouldn't want to. It's just I don't like the idea of him being with them, and I'm looking for a way to deal with it... any suggestions would be appreciated.
    Sorry hit anon by mistake
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    Why did all you guys fall out in the first place?
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    if you two are really close friends and if you are his best mate as well, then don't worry. doesn't matter how hard they try to undermine you in your friend's eyes; it wouldn't work. the reason he tried to hide that he was with them, maybe it's because he didn't want to upset you.
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    (Original post by little_red_sox)
    Why did all you guys fall out in the first place?
    You mean the people he's out with? Well, we never got on from the begining. Well, mainly it's this one guy who's the ring leader, and half the deapartment follow his lead - our deparment is spilit in two - very us and them, because of this guy. He and his g/f who also works with us, has caused all sorts of trouble, such as stupid official complaints, faking sick leave, making lies up about the manager & supervisor and just being a general arragant tw*t who doesn't do his job properly.

    You see, we work for the NHS, and well, I am one of those, like my mate, who feels that getting the job done is way more important than doing f*** all, all day long... our department (which is in a mess because not everyone pulls their weight) is an essential one which helps keep our place running. My mate, though, his job is the same as most of these people that he's out with, and they have to work closely together, whilst the rest of us (who wasn't invited out and are the 'good' people) have different jobs and therefore work closely together as another group (this group is mainly made of up of the senior staff/managers too - i.e. people who actually pull their weight!).

    So I know it's difficult for my mate, in that, in his job, he's got to work closely and do the same job as most of these guy's that he's out with (on the bad side), but, on the other hand, we are pretty close, and he likes the people on my side more, and he wants to work and do the job, so he'd prefer to be in my group.

    So I suppose he's probably just going out just to keep in good with the people he has to work with whilst doing his job? But, I'm just very uncomfortable with him being out with them. I suppose I fear some sort of mob mentality - someone will bring me up (as they are sure to discuss work) and he'll end up joining in with bashing me and well, there is a lot that he could tell them, that I've trusted him with, so that's another reason why I don't want him out with them. I'm also worried that they've been getting their claws in him a bit too much lately, as I haven't been around much, and that they might flip him.

    I hope that is clear enough to answer your question.
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    (Original post by sadaf)
    if you two are really close friends and if you are his best mate as well, then don't worry. doesn't matter how hard they try to undermine you in your friend's eyes; it wouldn't work. the reason he tried to hide that he was with them, maybe it's because he didn't want to upset you.
    Thanks... I never considered it like that. You may have a point there. He is a good guy.
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    Yeah, I'm sure he's not trying to hurt you. Quite the opposite in fact, since he 'immediately accepted' the fact that you didn't want to join them, rather than try and pressure you into an uncomfortable situation. Try not to be jealous or annoyed, he's your mate, and you don't want to let problems with other people cause tension with him!
 
 
 
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