I don't know…

Whenever I've been in a relationship, I have always been the "strong one." The one that my partner can cry on when things aren't going right; the one who is never insecure about anything. I'm the one who does the "holding" but is never "held."

I have been in 4 relationships now, the shortest of them was 14 months. So they have all been of significant lengths, yet, I have never really felt loved. I've never felt wanted by any of my partners. I've never been held. There has never been a time when a partner has taken the initiative to make plans for us, or to call me.

I have a partner now, we have been together for not that long, perhaps 2,5 months now, and I know, that if I never picked up the phone and called my partner, I would never hear from them. If I wasn't the first to message them on MSN, I wouldn't talk to them. If I never made plans to go out with them, I would never see them. It got to a point, that when we were in the car, I stopped at a stop sign, switched off the car, and forced my partner to take the initiative and make plans for us that evening. (We ended up going to their house and watched a film). I did not call my partner all day today, and wouldn't you know it, we did not talk the entire day. It's not that they were busy or anything, my partner had time for friends, just not enough time for me.

I try and make all my relationships, a relationship of equals. Where whatever I do, my partner does, and whatever I don't do, my partner wouldn't do. However, I have always been forced to take make the first move, and I'm now tired. But I know, if I told my partner this, they would simply not care enough to do anything about it.

I've always been the one to give. I've given up friends, given up time with my family to appease partners previously, but I know, I could never expect the same from them. This is my fault, partially, I'm just stupid that way - but isn't it fair to expect the same?

Sure, previous partners have told me they loved me, but have any of them done anything to make me feel loved - not really.

I want to know what it is like to feel wanted. OR what it is like to look at my phone when it rings, and see my partners name flash up on the screen. I want to know what it is like to be held when I'm feeling insecure. I want to know what it is like to be loved. I'm 21 years old, and here I sit, covered in tears, feeling soo alone.

How do I tell my partner how I feel without them leaving me? Without them thinking I am crazy? How do I tell my partner this, and make them care about how I feel? I'm lost.

(PS: I have tried to keep this as gender neutral as possible, as this might relate to persons of different life-styles and different backgrounds).

Reply 1

xntrikbrew

Copy and paste this post to your partner.

He/She will get the message.

Reply 2

SciFi25

xntrikbrew

Copy and paste this post to your partner.

He/She will get the message.

Precisely, tell him (I am assuming its a guy!) not us!! :biggrin:

There is no way that he will get the message otherwise.

My mate is exactly like this and it drives his gf nuts!!! The got around it by me telling him, but if you don't have a mutual friend like me then you have to do it!

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Thing is, if I came out and told my partner about this, they'd leave me in a heart-beat. Or atleast that is the impression I get…

Reply 4

_poptart_

I dont think you should assume they'd leave you if you told them.. and more to the point, if they leave you because your asking something reasonable, I dont think theyre worth the bother anyway!!!

Reply 5

sandra

Anonymous

Thing is, if I came out and told my partner about this, they'd leave me in a heart-beat. Or atleast that is the impression I get…

i think u shld b honest and talk to ur partner. i know that ur afraid of being left(ive been there bfore), but if ur partner leaves u bcoz u want them to show u a little love/ that they care, then he/she obviously doesnt really love u

if the other person doesnt love u or care for u , then is it really worth being with them, and offering ur whole self to them?

there will b a person one day who will care about u and love u - and such a person wud never walk out on u bcoz u want them to mayb call u up once in a while or give u a really big hug when ure down

maybe u shld try going out with someone else till u find the right person?

do u have low self-esteem?
u need to remember that u r a very valuable/ important person and shldnt let things other ppl say/ do to u make u think u r any less important/ valuable

u seem to b a very caring, loving person( although i guess i wudnt really know since i dont know u) and there will b someone who will appreciate u and reciprocate ur love

i hope i helped u out at least a little

good luck with everything - i really hope things work out for u :smile:

Reply 6

fairycakes

yeah i agree with sandra
a relationship should be equal, honest and trusting. (among other things)
ures doesn't seem to be equal, and you should tell ure gf/bf
ure partner and past partner don't seem ot be taking the realtionships as seriously as you do. you deserve better if you think they will leave you if u say so.
does ure partner make you feel happy when you see them, you know will always be there when you need them?
also, are you always going for the same kind of people?

xx