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I don't want friend at university watch

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    I know it sounds quite selfish, but I don't wish for my friend to attend the same university as me. She intentionally chose the same universities as me in a bid to keep us together. At school this particular friend keeps me back from doing work because she just can't shut up - and she knows I am wanting to do Law and I need to work to achieve this.

    I know I might seem like quite the ***** over this but I don't want her to go, because I know for a fact I will get nothing done, since she does nothing herself.

    Has anyone any ideas on how I'm going to tell her I don't want her without sounding extremely harsh?
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    She can go to whichever uni she wants to....even if she says she's only picking the same one to follow you, I can't believe she'd pick some vile uni just to be close to a mate from school - no matter how good friends you are. I wouldn't purposefully say "I don't want you to go to X because I don't want to go to uni with you" because you don't really have the right to do that.

    If you really think you're the sole reason she's gonna go somewhere I'd stress how it's not always a good idea to go to the same uni as a mate as you change and experience so many new things at uni that a friend from "the past" coming with you can hold you back. If that fails then I guess you could pick a huge fight with her and fall out with her on purpose. :eek:

    Realistically though even if she does end up at the same place if she's on a different course you might not see her all that much - unis are big places for a reason
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    Haha, I know the feeling.

    One girl not only applied to mostly the same universities as me, but also exactly the same subject. Her firm ended up as my insurance. We both ended up at our insurance places.


    It isn't selfish. My firm was edinburgh. The other side of the country, none of my friends anywhere near. I wanted to get away, do my own thing. If it feels like a friend is copying you, it does drag it down to a playground level and sours it.

    I'm now at the same university as a couple of friends from school, but I really don't see them as often as you'd think. Tell her you want to knuckle down and work. Say you'll make time to see her, but she needs to respect that you really need to study now. If you end up at the same place, learn from it now and keep quiet about the accommodation you're applying for. Though even if you end up on the same corridor, you'll make your own friends..
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    You can't say that to her, it's disgusting. The universe doesn't revolve around your wants. You'll both make new friends at Uni, just don't live together if you can avoid it.
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    I don't think you can (or have any right to) stop her from applying to the same uni as you. If she never does any work it's unlikely that she'll get into uni anyway, in which case your problem is solved, but it seems to me that you were hoping that by going away to uni the problem would be automatically solved (which it would), saving you the awkwardness of confronting the issue.

    Do you want to continue the friendship?
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    Thing is she sent me a message saying "so when are we going to "*********" or "************"? because I can't wait to get out of this house and it will be a laugh" and she wants to share a house as with me as well. I feel like dogtanian on this because I do want to get away and I know if I get away I can do something realistic with my life and learn to live it for myself and not for others. Also my parents don't want us to be anywhere near each other for university because they know this as well, they want their money spent wisely, not on me failing. They've even attempted for me to apply next year for university to go overseas if it comes to that :9 - i just don't know what to do
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    bah, don't worry. once you get there, you'll realise that uni is so big that two people who might have been best friends at school can go weeks or months without seeing each other. also, i'm sure she'll find a load of new friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thing is she sent me a message saying "so when are we going to "*********" or "************"? because I can't wait to get out of this house and it will be a laugh" and she wants to share a house as with me as well. I feel like dogtanian on this because I do want to get away and I know if I get away I can do something realistic with my life and learn to live it for myself and not for others. Also my parents don't want us to be anywhere near each other for university because they know this as well, they want their money spent wisely, not on me failing. They've even attempted for me to apply next year for university to go overseas if it comes to that :9 - i just don't know what to do
    You make her sound like a stalker when really she's just a friend who's not receiving the same loyalty back from you! I think the best you can do is try and maintain the peace but explain you don't want to live together. On the other hand a gradual phasing out could hurt her just as much as an explosive falling out so do whatever you think she'll react better to. If you don't live together she'll be forced to meet some new people and maybe if you spend less time together you won't be annoyed as much.
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    She's already decided you're sharing a house in year 2?

    Oh dear. She's in for a shock at uni, then...
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    Did she end up getting in to all of the same unis as you? You could always pick one you like that has the added bonus of her definately not going there. Hopefully tho if worst comes to worst there are thousands of people at uni so the chances are she'll make her own friends. To be safe though you could apply for a completely different kind of accomodation and you could end up on different sides of the same city/campus.
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    (Original post by Laika)
    You make her sound like a stalker when really she's just a friend who's not receiving the same loyalty back from you! I think the best you can do is try and maintain the peace but explain you don't want to live together. On the other hand a gradual phasing out could hurt her just as much as an explosive falling out so do whatever you think she'll react better to. If you don't live together she'll be forced to meet some new people and maybe if you spend less time together you won't be annoyed as much.
    I'm not necessarily trying to be mean to her, and I am as loyal to her as she is to me, but the only problem she has is never shutting up. Also if she goes out it's hard enough to handle her at home but at university it'll be a nightmare. - shes a torture when she wants something her own way, which is all the time.
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    (Original post by chrissy909)
    Did she end up getting in to all of the same unis as you? You could always pick one you like that has the added bonus of her definately not going there. Hopefully tho if worst comes to worst there are thousands of people at uni so the chances are she'll make her own friends. To be safe though you could apply for a completely different kind of accomodation and you could end up on different sides of the same city/campus.
    She chose all the universities that I did which managed to do psychology, which unfortunately was all of them.
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    Christ, if you don't want to share a house with her then tell her. I'd hate to have a "mate" like you who puts on a friendly face to me, and then moans about me when I'm not there. If she is putting you off your work as much as you're implying, a simple "sorry, I'm busy right now and can't go out. Let me get on with it" is all you need really.

    Not wanting her to go to the same uni as you is really immature. If she bothers you, tell her. Don't string her along.
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    (Original post by Pandy)
    Christ, if you don't want to share a house with her then tell her. I'd hate to have a "mate" like you who puts on a friendly face to me, and then moans about me when I'm not there. If she is putting you off your work as much as you're implying, a simple "sorry, I'm busy right now and can't go out. Let me get on with it" is all you need really.

    Not wanting her to go to the same uni as you is really immature. If she bothers you, tell her. Don't string her along.
    read the OP I asked how would I go about it. I don't want to hurt her but personally she has to realise we can't stay together forever.
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    I'm concerned how university is going to work out with my friend too. (she goes on here so that's why i'm anonymous in case anyone is wondering)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    read the OP I asked how would I go about it. I don't want to hurt her but personally she has to realise we can't stay together forever.
    Just to clarify she's a friend...not a stalkerish girlfriend?
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    she's immature...geez!
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    (Original post by chrissy909)
    Just to clarify she's a friend...not a stalkerish girlfriend?
    No shes a friend - we're both girls.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm concerned how university is going to work out with my friend too. (she goes on here so that's why i'm anonymous in case anyone is wondering)
    Me too. And to the OP, I know exactly how you feel. Except that now she's not my friend but she's still really possessive, a stalker of me and manipulative.:bawling:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Me too. And to the OP, I know exactly how you feel. Except that now she's not my friend but she's still really possessive, a stalker of me and manipulative.:bawling:
    sorry to hear :hugs:
 
 
 
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