Has anyone's relationship survived after cheating?

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yennibubs
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Hi all.

It's understandable that a lot couples break up after someone has cheated. Has anyone here on TSR been able to get through it and are now very happy with their partner after the incident? Any stories?
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Anonymous #1
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I cheated on someone and our relationship did not survive. I came clean straight away but never with the intention of us getting back together, or in trying to reconcile with him. I knew the consequences of what I'd done.

I had a friend who cheated on a boyfriend but she didn't tell him until a year afterwards. It totally threw him off and he cheated on her in revenge. She told me it really hurt but I don't think she should have told him at all that long after it happened. They broke up.

I know of couples much older than me in my town where one of them is cheating but the other partner, usually the wife, accepts it because they are married and with a family. A couple of these women are married to men who have cheated more than once but they turn a blind eye to it. Another man I know told me has cheated on his wife before but it's all right as long as she doesn't know. It left me a bit miffed because I actually got involved with him on an intimate level (and before he mentioned having a wife).

So hah that leaves me pretty cynical about people in general.
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CJKay
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No.
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lizardsmithy:)
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To be honest, I can't understand how anyone could stand being part of a relationship, trapped by the partner when you're tempted to cheat with someone else anyway.. Surely you'd want your current relationship to end so that you're freed?


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Anonymous #1
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It's worth discussing whether there's a difference between the genders. They say that when a woman cheats on a man, it's a huge dent to his male pride and reputation amongst other men. So because of being cuckolded, he won't go back to the woman. Whereas they say women are more likely to move past it and take the guy back because they value emotional intimacy with their man more. It could be a situation where the relationship is imbalanced in some way. So you get wealthy men with trophy wives who cheat on them because they provide the money and they know the woman won't leave them.I look at some open relationships with a bit of suspicion. If they have kids then it's not really an equal arrangement, because she has to look after the children so isn't sexually free and available. Some women put up with this because they'd rather accept crumbs from a man than nothing at all. I don't think these guys should have a clear conscience.
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VinnieG
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Some times. Depends on the relationship. But the "Forgive and Forgive", yeah that's crap. One can forgive, but unless they have a tramatic blow to the head, they'll never forget.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lizardsmithy:))
To be honest, I can't understand how anyone could stand being part of a relationship, trapped by the partner when you're tempted to cheat with someone else anyway.. Surely you'd want your current relationship to end so that you're freed?


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Exactly. Well I should have thought that myself. I wasn't thinking rationally at the time and of course if I could take it back I would, but it's in the past now. For some reason I felt quite trapped in the relationship I was in and it made me reach out for something else.
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Millie228
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I'd be surprised if a lot of people on here had positive stories to tell, due to the age group. Most teenage relationships won't last anyway - when they eventually end, cheating is occasionally the reason. And it's that push you need to realize that you haven't met enough people yet, some people are *******s and that you have to improve your filtering skills (filtering out those who are not good for you). I'd consider it utterly foolish for a 19 year old to take back a cheating partner.

I suppose there are examples among married couples - if people let themselves go, a woman refuses to have sex with her husband etc. That doesn't justify it, it is never okay to go behind someone's back, but it serves as an explanation. Of course if there are children involved, it's not as easy to walk away.
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Anonymous #2
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You have to define cheating though; although any form of physical contact is assumed as cheating on this forum.

I cheated on my girlfriend and made out with another person, more than a year ago and am currently still with them. They were heartbroken, but it was genuinely a situation where I was drunk beyond belief (more than ever before) and had no clue what the hell was going on. Not that it's any excuse. Learned to control my drink and we now have a wonderful relationship.
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Goody2Shoes-x
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I know of couples that have survived cheating - but do you only count it if they were to remain together forever sort of thing? Some have survived totally, others broke up at later dates for different reasons. I do think it depends on the couple and the nature of the relationship - cheating could be hard to get past, but not impossible.
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MagicNMedicine
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I don't know of any long term survival stories.

I do know of a few cases where there has been cheating and the two have tried to carry on and have limped along for quite a while (sometimes another year/18 mths etc) but with lots of arguments and difficulties.

Cheating is always a sign something is wrong, despite the fact cheaters will often try to justify it (men with the line "what she doesn't find out won't hurt her", women with the line "I didn't plan for it to happen, it just happened"). If someone fights hard to retain a relationship with a cheater its usually because they lack confidence in themselves or in their ability to get a relationship with someone else. Ironically the cheating can make them more needy as being cheated on damages their confidence.

But also where I've come across relationships where there has been cheating and they've struggled on in the long run with problems there has ended up being cheating from the other partner later down the line.
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Anonymous #3
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The thing is with cheating for some people, if the person who cheated is honest about it then maybe they care about you enough to be loyal to you. But how my relationship went down my ex continued to lie to me after we split up over him cheating on me. Relationships like that won't work.
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yennibubs
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You have to define cheating though; although any form of physical contact is assumed as cheating on this forum.

I cheated on my girlfriend and made out with another person, more than a year ago and am currently still with them. They were heartbroken, but it was genuinely a situation where I was drunk beyond belief (more than ever before) and had no clue what the hell was going on. Not that it's any excuse. Learned to control my drink and we now have a wonderful relationship.
I mean cheating as in physical contact such as kissing and more, or any thing inappropriate.

(Original post by Goody2Shoes-x)
I know of couples that have survived cheating - but do you only count it if they were to remain together forever sort of thing? Some have survived totally, others broke up at later dates for different reasons. I do think it depends on the couple and the nature of the relationship - cheating could be hard to get past, but not impossible.
Well, not forever, but able to get past the incident. Then could've broken up for other reasons, but were they ever once genuinely happy after the cheating?

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cambio wechsel
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never after the discovery of it, no.
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amyshamblesxx
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I've never heard of a relationship that has surived after someone has cheated.

I know people that have tried to remain together, but inevitably the relationship changes and they end up splitting.
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Aspiringlawstudent
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For how long?

Didn't Liz Hurley stay with Hugh Grant for years after that whole $20 hooker saga?
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RollerBall
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Nope, we stayed together for a little while but the relationship is broken and in my opinion unrepairable after what she did. I ended it a few months back and cut her out completely a few months ago. Best decision of my life.
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Stokesleymassive
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Cheat and get all the poontang.
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lizardsmithy:)
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Exactly. Well I should have thought that myself. I wasn't thinking rationally at the time and of course if I could take it back I would, but it's in the past now. For some reason I felt quite trapped in the relationship I was in and it made me reach out for something else.
Yeah, I broke up with my last boyf because I wasn't sure of whether more feelings could develop for him at the time of saying yes to him (lesson #1 - always be certain) and also the more I went out with him, the more I realized that I really really liked someone else. When the boyf reached the point of outwardly attacking this other guy (although he was oblivious to my feelings for him) and asking me to back him up, I naturally just told the boyf that he was being a **** and point blank refused. That's when I realized it had to end - I couldn't stand being in one relationship when I hungered for a different one so much.


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Hunchey
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If my partner ever cheated on me, i'd instantly end it and refraim from speaking to them... it's not just a lack of love, it's a lack of respect.
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