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Is it so wrong to want my dad dead?
My parents are divorced (ie in the last month), and as a result, my mother has told me and shown me things that I really wish she hadn't at times, and I am aware that it is probably down to her wanting me to side with her.
I won't go into detail, but let's just say that they are things that are SERIOUSLY messed up.
My father has also been a bit of an idiot and a LOT of an attention seeker for most of his life, and I've known that. As a result of his idiocy, he has endangered my life a few times, nearly made me kill a mate by accident (long story to explain), and has resulted in me breaking my foot twice and messing my hip up once, and god knows how much whiplash.
He drives his car like a lunatic, and I won't get in a car with him as a driver if I can help it, and has nearly killed my mother and I quite a few times with his driving, and he even started trying to push a 7.5 tonner off the road......in a HATCHBACK!!!
The lorry was on my side by the way, and this was at 70mph on the motorway.
Another crazy thing is he is jealous like mad of me. I can do things he never could. I do things he wishes he could. He will wreck anything of mine so his is better. Dropping my phone down the steps of the house (stone steps) and completely buggering it up. I had that phone 3 weeks, one of the first with tri-band (I go out of the country a LOT), and I had to resort to my useless old brick.
The thing I want to know is, after all the stuff he's done, and still does, is it so wrong for me to just wish he'd drop down dead and not be able to screw with my life anymore?
I won't go into detail, but let's just say that they are things that are SERIOUSLY messed up.
My father has also been a bit of an idiot and a LOT of an attention seeker for most of his life, and I've known that. As a result of his idiocy, he has endangered my life a few times, nearly made me kill a mate by accident (long story to explain), and has resulted in me breaking my foot twice and messing my hip up once, and god knows how much whiplash.
He drives his car like a lunatic, and I won't get in a car with him as a driver if I can help it, and has nearly killed my mother and I quite a few times with his driving, and he even started trying to push a 7.5 tonner off the road......in a HATCHBACK!!!
The lorry was on my side by the way, and this was at 70mph on the motorway.Another crazy thing is he is jealous like mad of me. I can do things he never could. I do things he wishes he could. He will wreck anything of mine so his is better. Dropping my phone down the steps of the house (stone steps) and completely buggering it up. I had that phone 3 weeks, one of the first with tri-band (I go out of the country a LOT), and I had to resort to my useless old brick.
The thing I want to know is, after all the stuff he's done, and still does, is it so wrong for me to just wish he'd drop down dead and not be able to screw with my life anymore?
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Reply 3
I felt like that when I found out my dad had cheated on my mum and I have a half sister some where. 5 years later (parents still together) and I still don't feel the same as before, not that our relationship was ever that strong.
Reply 4
no, its not wrong for you to feel resentment towards your father - he doesn't sound that much of a nice guy!
But, the 'power' of that resentment will pass with time, and you won't feel this angry towards him in 5 years or whatever. It is a passing phase, and you don't have to feel guilty about it.
But, the 'power' of that resentment will pass with time, and you won't feel this angry towards him in 5 years or whatever. It is a passing phase, and you don't have to feel guilty about it.
HagerVor
hmm.. i agree with you about something..
However.. I then have to question your motives for wanting to serve in Iraq.
However.. I then have to question your motives for wanting to serve in Iraq.
I didn't say I wanted to serve Iraq, but it's a possibility that I might, and I would go no argument.
To the OP he's got the problem not you, you should always keep you morals.
Reply 6
DPM
Yes it is very wrong. Wanting anyone to be dead is wrong.
You can say its wrong, but if you hate someone that much sometimes it is natural to think like that. Anyways, by the sounds of your dads behaviour, you're not that far off from getting what you want.
Reply 7
oh my god! i can't believe he has done and does all these. i personally don't think it's wrong wanting him dead. not wrong at all.
HagerVor
However.. I then have to question your motives for wanting to serve in Iraq.
I go to Iraq not wanting to kill someone, what's wrong with that? If I did want to kill someone I would probably be the wrong sort of person to be in the Army. Being prepared to and able to is different to wanting to.
Reply 10
Well my dad is dead.
And it isn't all that great. But it doesn't mean I get on all that well with the mother. You hear these sickly sweet stories in magazines about how losing one parent makes you tres close to the other one etc etc, but in reality, life isn't always like that. And I'm not going to condemn you for resenting your dad; to be honest, he sounds like a pretty violent guy and if he's sabotaging you, then you have every right to be annoyed. I know I would.
I'm sure a lot of people want someone 'dead' in the heat of the moment. If it's more than that though, like a prolonged feeling then it is a bit worrying. Especially because you keep mentioning killing people in your post. I assume you are exaggerating but if you are not I would suggest spending some time apart from your father to reflect and just give both of you a little breathing space and then go from there.
And it isn't all that great. But it doesn't mean I get on all that well with the mother. You hear these sickly sweet stories in magazines about how losing one parent makes you tres close to the other one etc etc, but in reality, life isn't always like that. And I'm not going to condemn you for resenting your dad; to be honest, he sounds like a pretty violent guy and if he's sabotaging you, then you have every right to be annoyed. I know I would.
I'm sure a lot of people want someone 'dead' in the heat of the moment. If it's more than that though, like a prolonged feeling then it is a bit worrying. Especially because you keep mentioning killing people in your post. I assume you are exaggerating but if you are not I would suggest spending some time apart from your father to reflect and just give both of you a little breathing space and then go from there.
Reply 11
wow i dunno where to start......even though he is your father you should still respect him regardless of what he has done. i mean be cautious of him but in your heart just always respect him as a dad...know what i mean ? or am i sounding confused ? lol
Reply 12
I'm totally with you on this, I think *I* want your dad dead 
Anonymous
You can say its wrong, but if you hate someone that much sometimes it is natural to think like that. Anyways, by the sounds of your dads behaviour, you're not that far off from getting what you want.
Anon3 why did you need to be Anon? You have said nothing personal about yourself.
Reply 14
DPM
Anon3 why did you need to be Anon? You have said nothing personal about yourself.
Because i choose to be.
Reply 15
I dunno what's up with him, but he does have *some* emotional problems, and my mother and I think he may have found his grandfather (to whom he was extremely close) dead. I also believe that he was bullied and tormented by his alcoholic mother and pain in the ass older brother from a very early age. My grandparents also never accepted any of his achievements in life as he was always labelled as an idiot.
He's never had any assesments done as he hasn't DIRECTLY injured anyone, but through his actions, he has proven to be very dangerous.
And trust me, until either he or I dies, he won't EVER be out of my life. He got MSN messenger so he could talk to me when I'm at uni, he has a tracker of some description installed onto my SIM card knowing very well I never go anywhere without my mobile telephone. I went to the pub to do an assignment and he phoned me up asking why I wasn't doing my work in my apartment
He has also induced paranoia in both my mother and myself, with good reason. He checks through the history on the internet and looks through my stuff when I come home from university.
Iceman, I understand what you are saying, but I will never have full respect for him as a father. He does a lot of good work, yes, but he is dangerous quite a bit of the time.
And to those suggesting Childline and the like, there is nothing they would be able to do as he does not abuse me as such, but he can manipulate and twist me like crazy.
Something I forgot to mention; my grandparents (my mother's parents) left me a large sum of money when they passed, and somehow, I don't know how, my father has full control of it, and will only give me the money in small amounts to keep me out of debt, not let me do what I'd like with it. I would like to invest the majority of it, but also would like to get myself a motorbike to work on, but he will not have me getting anything for my own pleasure. I bought a piano, that very suddenly gained a lot of broken strings and chipped keys. I bought a television, which "accidentally" fell out of the box on the floor and broke the tiles on the floor, and completely wrecked it, and when I purchased a PS2, oh, the trouble I've had with that! He dropped 2 tins of paint, a can of petrol and a carving knife on it, in the same month.
And to the person who said that they lost their father and were not all that close to their mother, sorry for your loss, but I am already close to my mother. We share something my father and I will never truly share - love. My mother has put herself in all sorts of harm's way for me, and the most my father does is complain about my lack of competance.
He's never had any assesments done as he hasn't DIRECTLY injured anyone, but through his actions, he has proven to be very dangerous.
And trust me, until either he or I dies, he won't EVER be out of my life. He got MSN messenger so he could talk to me when I'm at uni, he has a tracker of some description installed onto my SIM card knowing very well I never go anywhere without my mobile telephone. I went to the pub to do an assignment and he phoned me up asking why I wasn't doing my work in my apartment
He has also induced paranoia in both my mother and myself, with good reason. He checks through the history on the internet and looks through my stuff when I come home from university.
Iceman, I understand what you are saying, but I will never have full respect for him as a father. He does a lot of good work, yes, but he is dangerous quite a bit of the time.
And to those suggesting Childline and the like, there is nothing they would be able to do as he does not abuse me as such, but he can manipulate and twist me like crazy.
Something I forgot to mention; my grandparents (my mother's parents) left me a large sum of money when they passed, and somehow, I don't know how, my father has full control of it, and will only give me the money in small amounts to keep me out of debt, not let me do what I'd like with it. I would like to invest the majority of it, but also would like to get myself a motorbike to work on, but he will not have me getting anything for my own pleasure. I bought a piano, that very suddenly gained a lot of broken strings and chipped keys. I bought a television, which "accidentally" fell out of the box on the floor and broke the tiles on the floor, and completely wrecked it, and when I purchased a PS2, oh, the trouble I've had with that! He dropped 2 tins of paint, a can of petrol and a carving knife on it, in the same month.
And to the person who said that they lost their father and were not all that close to their mother, sorry for your loss, but I am already close to my mother. We share something my father and I will never truly share - love. My mother has put herself in all sorts of harm's way for me, and the most my father does is complain about my lack of competance.
Anonymous
I dunno what's up with him, but he does have *some* emotional problems, and my mother and I think he may have found his grandfather (to whom he was extremely close) dead. I also believe that he was bullied and tormented by his alcoholic mother and pain in the ass older brother from a very early age. My grandparents also never accepted any of his achievements in life as he was always labelled as an idiot.
He's never had any assesments done as he hasn't DIRECTLY injured anyone, but through his actions, he has proven to be very dangerous.
And trust me, until either he or I dies, he won't EVER be out of my life. He got MSN messenger so he could talk to me when I'm at uni, he has a tracker of some description installed onto my SIM card knowing very well I never go anywhere without my mobile telephone. I went to the pub to do an assignment and he phoned me up asking why I wasn't doing my work in my apartment
He has also induced paranoia in both my mother and myself, with good reason. He checks through the history on the internet and looks through my stuff when I come home from university.
Iceman, I understand what you are saying, but I will never have full respect for him as a father. He does a lot of good work, yes, but he is dangerous quite a bit of the time.
And to those suggesting Childline and the like, there is nothing they would be able to do as he does not abuse me as such, but he can manipulate and twist me like crazy.
Something I forgot to mention; my grandparents (my mother's parents) left me a large sum of money when they passed, and somehow, I don't know how, my father has full control of it, and will only give me the money in small amounts to keep me out of debt, not let me do what I'd like with it. I would like to invest the majority of it, but also would like to get myself a motorbike to work on, but he will not have me getting anything for my own pleasure. I bought a piano, that very suddenly gained a lot of broken strings and chipped keys. I bought a television, which "accidentally" fell out of the box on the floor and broke the tiles on the floor, and completely wrecked it, and when I purchased a PS2, oh, the trouble I've had with that! He dropped 2 tins of paint, a can of petrol and a carving knife on it, in the same month.
And to the person who said that they lost their father and were not all that close to their mother, sorry for your loss, but I am already close to my mother. We share something my father and I will never truly share - love. My mother has put herself in all sorts of harm's way for me, and the most my father does is complain about my lack of competance.
He's never had any assesments done as he hasn't DIRECTLY injured anyone, but through his actions, he has proven to be very dangerous.
And trust me, until either he or I dies, he won't EVER be out of my life. He got MSN messenger so he could talk to me when I'm at uni, he has a tracker of some description installed onto my SIM card knowing very well I never go anywhere without my mobile telephone. I went to the pub to do an assignment and he phoned me up asking why I wasn't doing my work in my apartment
He has also induced paranoia in both my mother and myself, with good reason. He checks through the history on the internet and looks through my stuff when I come home from university.
Iceman, I understand what you are saying, but I will never have full respect for him as a father. He does a lot of good work, yes, but he is dangerous quite a bit of the time.
And to those suggesting Childline and the like, there is nothing they would be able to do as he does not abuse me as such, but he can manipulate and twist me like crazy.
Something I forgot to mention; my grandparents (my mother's parents) left me a large sum of money when they passed, and somehow, I don't know how, my father has full control of it, and will only give me the money in small amounts to keep me out of debt, not let me do what I'd like with it. I would like to invest the majority of it, but also would like to get myself a motorbike to work on, but he will not have me getting anything for my own pleasure. I bought a piano, that very suddenly gained a lot of broken strings and chipped keys. I bought a television, which "accidentally" fell out of the box on the floor and broke the tiles on the floor, and completely wrecked it, and when I purchased a PS2, oh, the trouble I've had with that! He dropped 2 tins of paint, a can of petrol and a carving knife on it, in the same month.
And to the person who said that they lost their father and were not all that close to their mother, sorry for your loss, but I am already close to my mother. We share something my father and I will never truly share - love. My mother has put herself in all sorts of harm's way for me, and the most my father does is complain about my lack of competance.
To be honest you sound a bit paranoid yourself.
Reply 17
You need to sort yourself out I reckon.
Writing all this down won't change it. Stop talking about him dying; your taking any pro-active role in anything like that would not be great for your future (as I am sure you know!)
Were I in your shoes, I would find out about that inheritance and see if you can get hold of it, move out, change your MSN (or block and delete him) and get a new phone and then start calling some of the shots. It sounds like the kind of relationship from which no good can come.
Writing all this down won't change it. Stop talking about him dying; your taking any pro-active role in anything like that would not be great for your future (as I am sure you know!)
Were I in your shoes, I would find out about that inheritance and see if you can get hold of it, move out, change your MSN (or block and delete him) and get a new phone and then start calling some of the shots. It sounds like the kind of relationship from which no good can come.
Reply 18
Money is being monitored at the moment, and will then be transferred to my mother's ownership, but that's still in the process.
I have moved out, and I am at university 200 miles away, but most of my friends are back home. He is blocked on my MSN, so I have to lie to him about not being on it much anymore. Changing my phone number is a serious no for me as one of my jobs requires heavy use of the telephone, and when about 50 companies have one number, it is very difficult to contact them all making sure they all have the correct phone number. I am currently looking into the legality of the tracker and seeing what I can do to get it deleted or whatever.
And as much as I want my father dead, I would not take any pro-active role in it as I would lose any chance of a career in law enforcement straight away. I could have him killed in a week if I wanted, I have the contacts, but I will not take such action.
Oh, and I am not assuming that writing this all down will change anything, I just wanted to know if anyone else felt that it was just slightly acceptable for me to feel this way about my father.
I have moved out, and I am at university 200 miles away, but most of my friends are back home. He is blocked on my MSN, so I have to lie to him about not being on it much anymore. Changing my phone number is a serious no for me as one of my jobs requires heavy use of the telephone, and when about 50 companies have one number, it is very difficult to contact them all making sure they all have the correct phone number. I am currently looking into the legality of the tracker and seeing what I can do to get it deleted or whatever.
And as much as I want my father dead, I would not take any pro-active role in it as I would lose any chance of a career in law enforcement straight away. I could have him killed in a week if I wanted, I have the contacts, but I will not take such action.
Oh, and I am not assuming that writing this all down will change anything, I just wanted to know if anyone else felt that it was just slightly acceptable for me to feel this way about my father.
You want him dead so you don't have to take responsibility over anything. Maybe it feels like it would be easier for him to just disappear, but if you want him out of your life there are a lot of things you can do to acheive that. File a restraining order for instance, or if your worried about financial matters you can fine a maintenance order. Even if your dad is an ass hole, it sounds like he has serious emotional problems and in his own, however sick way, needs you. You can either help him, or get him help or if you can legally eject him from your life. Either way wishing that he was dead isn't gona help anyone.
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