Biological Family

This may not really be H&R but I wanted to use the anon function so.
Okay, I am adopted, but came to England from Romania when I was 10 months old so I feel entirely English and I love my parents and adopted sister (not biological one) lots and lots and don't see my biological family as real family. But, I don't know if anyone else who is adopted has a desire to want to know more about their original family? I mean, I look nothing like eastern european, I dyed my hair brown but I am actually the blonde hair blue eyes aryan style person, and I don't have a clue who my father was or what nationality he was. After watching the pianist last night I really want to find out more about my biological father, really only what nationality he was- because the pinaist was obviously about the holocaust and what made it even more sad was to think that perhaps some of my family could have been some- so finding out who my father was would put this to rest. So, how do I go about this? I don't want to get in contact with my biological mother as she's a cow and is only money grabbing- perhaps through records I can find online?? I'm really not sure. It's not in any of my adoption papers I don't think but....any ideas??? But I really have no desire to meet anyone as I clearly don't see them as family at all- I just want to know my roots as it were.
Any help would be really useful and anyone else in a similar position??
cheers, :smile:

Reply 1

supercat

Are your adopted family supportive with this? It sounds like you have a great relationship with them but it might make them feel a bit...I don't know. If you haven't told them about this yet, I'd suggest mentioning you're curious, whilst making it clear that to you they're your real family, and this is just so you understand your background. If they know, they can help you. I also think there might be something that you have to be 18 to do; perhaps it's to find them without the permission of your adopted family.

Good luck!

Reply 2

~the_one~

I can't really help you as to how you would trace back your family, but i'm sure it could be done. Do you know for example which orphanege you were adopted from?

Literally this morning, i finished a book called 'my father's daughter' by Hannah Pool. Its about her finding her 'real' father and all the emotions that she had to cope with. Its very down to earth, not overly sentimental. Its a real story, and is very easy to identify with as shes just a Londoner who writes a column for the guardien! I really suggest you read it, it's really good.
Good luck.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Thanks. I don't really know if I want to do it thoroughly, although it can make me feel a bit insecure at times, I think I might leave it as a mystery and just see myself as a healthy mix of cultures which perhaps could be a benefit, I don't know. But I think I know I'm not jewish as I clearly don't look like it and I know my biological mother lived with her sisters and mother and her mother etc so I think if they were jewish they would have been persecuted?? I'm not really sure how far the Nazi policy of Aryan people spread but I'm pretty sure I'm at least somewhat aryan- the athletic blonde blue eyed type- so I know my father must have been either German or Czech- czech is more likely I think as it's nearer Romania and the Germans did occupy it for lots of the war (all of it practically). I think the easiest way to find out what nationality he was is to write to my B. mother as she'd know but I really don't want to do that as I don't know them and they just seem so alien to me. What made it even more difficult was the fact a few years ago she wrote to us and she sent photos of her 2 children (my half sisters) and one of them looks quite like me- though a little more eastern european.
but do you think it's natural for me to want to know more?? I don't think I want to do a lot, perhaps just browse around on the internet a bit- no more. I really do feel cemented to this family- it's just curiosity. My parents do know that I'm curious and they'd be behind me, but because I don't really want to do extensive research I don't want to involve them.

Reply 4

~the_one~

Serious read the book i recomended, it goes through all the emotions you're displaying above.

You CAN have 2 families. Your adopted family and your biological family. You adopted family will of been the one you grew up with anyway, you should explain to them that if you do go looking for you biological family, they will never replace the family who brought you up.
Obviously you want to know where you're from, everyone does. You want to know if you look like your mum or you dad, what if the history of your biological family etc.
Its definatly natural to want to know more, in a way by finding out about your biological family your finding out alittle bit more about yourself.
Maybe wait till you're 18 (if you're not already), and start looking more intensivly, it will be an emotionally hard time for you and you're adobtive family, but if its something you feel the need to do, go for it. Your family adopted you, and i'm sure they expected you to go through this once you grew up, and you have.

Once again good luck what ever you do.

Oh and i'm no expert on adoption, i just found the book i read last night really touching, you sure seriously read it.

Oh and i'm eastern european too!

Reply 5

frost105

If your family adopted you through an agency then thye maybe able to help you track down your original family and also give you advice and support in finding your biological family.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

frost105

If your family adopted you through an agency then thye maybe able to help you track down your original family and also give you advice and support in finding your biological family.

We have the address of my biological mothers' house and her husband and children yeah as she wrote to us and sent photos (we didn't ask for this btw) and it arrived really close to my birthday which wasn't too nice. I really don't want to meet them or anything or 'find' them. And my father clearly didn't want his identity to be known and didn't tell anyone, not even the orphanage or officials etc, and I see the only way of finding the answer is by asking my biological mother which I don't want to do. I'm quite happy to leave it, I have some idea at least and that's enough really. What is such a coincidence is that my ex's family was recently posted to Romania and she lives there now! Quite weird!! We do have a photo of my biological mother and I know I don't look like her one bit so I know I must look like my father which is okay really as I do look really english/ northern european and when I tell people they're shocked as they just think I'm english. And I'm happy to leave it like that really.

Reply 7

sophieliz

I think if you are serious about this you will confront your emotional fears and realise that talking to you r biological mother is the next step forward. At least you know who she is and have contact details. Good luck.

Reply 8

randdom

You could always used an intermediate of some type if you don't want to speak to your biological mother yourself, work through either a lawyer or a private detective of some point and get them to write to her and ask so that you don't have to get direct contact with your mother if you don't want to.

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