Scared of going out for dinner with boyfriend

I have a new boyfriend and for some reason I have developed a fear of eating in front of him, I don't know what has brought this on.
He keeps asking me nearly every day to go out for dinner with him but I keep making excuses and I think he's starting to pick up on something.

I'm fine eating with my friends, family, flatmates etc.. I just don't know why I'm like this, it may be because he wants to go to quite fancy places and I'm scared of using the wrong cutlery or eating like a slob or something.. I just don't know!

Has anyone got any suggestions on what I can do? I obviously can't keep making excuses! Just the thought of it terrifies me though.

Reply 1

platorepublic

I think nerves are good. It means you really care about him. Just get through the first dinner date, it will get easier.

Reply 2

Notey

I have the same problem, except I accept to go for a meal or what not and Im that worried about messing up or spilling something but just recently it has started getting better. It might be hard for you to do so but you need to get throught the first one and you will be fine!

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by platorepublic

I think nerves are good. It means you really care about him. Just get through the first dinner date, it will get easier.

I know what you mean, but I just can't bring myself to go on the first date. I tried last week, had a few glasses of wine before to try and help and we went to a bar first and I ended up telling him I really didn't feel like eating and he was trying to persuade me to go because he'd booked a table and hadn't eaten all day, but I still refused so we just ended up going to his place and he had to have a sandwich instead. I felt really bad. :frown:

He stares at me a lot, in a nice way...I suppose, so maybe this is what is freaking me out, I just wish it was easier, I don't know why I'm finding this so hard!

Reply 4

Hearty_Beast

12

He's a dude - so definitely used to 'eating like a slob'!

Just go along, the nerves will help, and don't order anything messy - just something you're comfortable with. I doubt he'd notice, comment or care even if you weren't quite as skilled as the queen. But its not hard, and you'll probably be absolutely fine!

Reply 5

LostLawyah

4

Hey. I think i know how you feel.

first be happy that this guy is taking you out and makes you feel like a princess. and it all comes with practice. how long will u carry on avoiding this? if you are worried about that you will spill or something? why not start eating fancy at home? using it correctly and getting used to it.

this is something I tried to do. Because even at Nandos, i felt awkward eating a wrap with a fork and knife as i usually use my knife. So next time i went with my friend and tried to use the knife and fork; as it wouldn't be so embarrassing in front of my friends if i made a mistake.

hope this makes sense, and helps.

Reply 6

formanmark

1

Eat before you go out the first time, have something small with no sauce to drip and just have small bites.
Chicken Cesar salad for example.

I once dated a woman who would not go for meals because of the same thing. As i love going for meals it just didnt work. Your going have to bite the bullet and go, if you like him anyway.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 7

Baines3

10

If I was him you'd be dumped by now. I dumped a girl for taking 1 hour just to eat a bag of crisps at lunch.

Ain't got no time for anorexics

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Baines3

If I was him you'd be dumped by now. I dumped a girl for taking 1 hour just to eat a bag of crisps at lunch.

Ain't got no time for anorexics

Hahaha that actually made me laugh - apart from the anorexic part, which I am not.
I know it's ridiculous I'm being like this, which is why I'm asking people how I can stop being a wimp about things like this!

Reply 9

NinjaNerdfighter

12

Do you think you can laugh about it in front of him? Because if you can then maybe when the issue next comes up you can make a jokey comment about not wanting to show yourself up in front of him and hopefully he'll reassure you and that will make you feel better :smile:

If not then you're probably going just have to face your fear and go out for a meal with him. Maybe suggest the place so it's somewhere you know you feel comfortable? And the worst that can happen is you end up feeling embarrassed - he's probably unlikely to remember your manners/the way you were eating!

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by formanmark

Eat before you go out the first time, have something small with no sauce to drip and just have small bites.
Chicken Cesar salad for example.

I once dated a woman who would not go for meals because of the same thing. As i love going for meals it just didnt work. Your going have to bite the bullet and go, if you like him anyway.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

That sounds like a really good idea, I will definitely try this. I think once I've gone on one date i'll be fine on future dates. Thanks! :smile:

Reply 11

SE9

Original post by Anonymous

I have a new boyfriend and for some reason I have developed a fear of eating in front of him, I don't know what has brought this on.
He keeps asking me nearly every day to go out for dinner with him but I keep making excuses and I think he's starting to pick up on something.

I'm fine eating with my friends, family, flatmates etc.. I just don't know why I'm like this, it may be because he wants to go to quite fancy places and I'm scared of using the wrong cutlery or eating like a slob or something.. I just don't know!

Has anyone got any suggestions on what I can do? I obviously can't keep making excuses! Just the thought of it terrifies me though.

yea, stop being mental

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by SE9

yea, stop being mental

Thanks

Reply 13

Baines3

10

Original post by Anonymous

Hahaha that actually made me laugh - apart from the anorexic part, which I am not.
I know it's ridiculous I'm being like this, which is why I'm asking people how I can stop being a wimp about things like this!

Well, being srs now, an ex of mine sounds similar (she isn't an ex because of her eating habits don't worry)

Maybe you should try having nights in and ordering a takeaway so you are both eating in a more relaxed setting. It might help ease your nerves.

Reply 14

syrettd

18

Couldn't you get a takeaway or something and eat it in front of a movie or something, so it's not fancy. Then just build up from there.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by syrettd

Couldn't you get a takeaway or something and eat it in front of a movie or something, so it's not fancy. Then just build up from there.

We were going to do that once, but we'd have to eat it in or on his bed or something, he doesn't have a table, I was scared of spilling it everywhere, would be a bit horrible.

Reply 16

ellieHA

14

Original post by Anonymous

I have a new boyfriend and for some reason I have developed a fear of eating in front of him, I don't know what has brought this on.
He keeps asking me nearly every day to go out for dinner with him but I keep making excuses and I think he's starting to pick up on something.

I'm fine eating with my friends, family, flatmates etc.. I just don't know why I'm like this, it may be because he wants to go to quite fancy places and I'm scared of using the wrong cutlery or eating like a slob or something.. I just don't know!

Has anyone got any suggestions on what I can do? I obviously can't keep making excuses! Just the thought of it terrifies me though.

Maybe you should tell him that you're not used to eating in 'fancy places' and explain that this makes you anxious. Then he'll have 2 options: take you somewhere more casual, or be really nice and help you feel at ease

Reply 17

syrettd

18

Original post by Anonymous

We were going to do that once, but we'd have to eat it in or on his bed or something, he doesn't have a table, I was scared of spilling it everywhere, would be a bit horrible.