I don't know why, but I think about death a lot. I guess it keeps me going really. I know that I want to die young. Even my next birthday (21st) scares me, let alone being 60, 70, 80, whatever. I see life as pointless now so I dread to think what will happen if I live for that long.
When I was at school, I thought that the people who wanted to die young were weird (and there were a few in my year). Now I can understand that what they said made sense. Nothing scares me more than getting old (as I've already said, I'm absolutely terrified of turning 21 - though for unrelated reasons).
This is exactly the sort of thing that I find myself pondering over, without even realise I'm doing it. Usually I'll be sat on the train on the way to college staring in a trance out of the window, and it's not until a couple of minutes later that I realise how deep in thought I really was.
I often find myself actually creating memories, making sure I have something to remember from everyday, so I can tell that story to whoever I see the next day, and continue it the day after that, and the day after that to someone else.
Like many others have said, I want to be remembered, and I want something to be remembered for, however small it may be. Telling my children a simple story about my childhood and them passing it on is good enough, it's just nice to know that someone out there still thiks about you from time to time.
It's strange that I've come across this post really, and it's really interesting to hear the views of others on the matter. Since leaving school I find myself casusally browsing MySpace and Bebo pages of people at school I had never even spoken, but it just nice to remember that they at one point were part of your live, part of the same class, the same school.
I over analyse things a lot, and even though I like to live each day as it it's my last and make the most of every opportunity, somtimes I just can't help but think about why doing them willl actually make any difference at all? Like replying to this post for example... will anyone take notice of it? is it worthwhile? will it have any impact on my life at all?
OK so I'm going a bit too deep and rambling a little now... I'll just leave it at that for the time being...
Every living thing has to die one day!!
My Grandad had Alzheimer's for about 3 years before he died last year, and in his prime, he was the most amazing person - did military service from France to Japan, came back to do dentistry in Glasgow, raised my mother and aunt, and enjoyed travelling in retirement. But seeing his condition degenerate - it was horrible, literally like watching someone dying - it didn't look or feel like it was the same person. I think to see someone with so much dignity and pride become sort of the living dead is horrible, and to think that my parents - or anybody's, really - could one day too be in that state is practicaly incomprehensible. Age really does catch up with us all.
So lostinfantasies, I daresay I would "die young and leave a good looking corpse", to quote the great wordsmith Jay-Z, than have to have my family watch me morph into more or less a vegetable. I have seen that Alzheimer's and that kind of thing are so so much harder on the sufferer's loved ones than it is on the sufferer themselves. As for being old and healthy,well it just looks like sitting in God's waiting room to me, but when or if I'm that age, I could feel differently!
Hopefully Psychology/Sociology. If I don't go this year (I only have two A Levels and want to complete my ASes to have a better choice of where to go) I'd go in 2008, and possibly look at Athropology with either of those two subjects.
I'm trying to avoid things like Heat magazine, etc.! My IQ's dwindled already. I don't need it any worse!
I want to shake his hand.
They usually think they're Prince Charles...