heartbroken - how do u recover?

Ive bin with a guy 4 8mnths n then on thurs out of the blue he dumpd me over the fone. Since then ive bin literally crushd i still love him so much n wed spend nearly every day 2getha i dnt kno how 2 live without him hes the only person id really tlk 2 n tell everyfin 2 - we wer m8s b4 we startd our relationship but now its like he dusnt even wanna spk 2 me n dusnt care. Im feelin incredibly low n my self esteem is practically non existant he even told my best m8 that he hadnt wantd 2 b wit me 4 the last 2 minths - he told me the reason he dumpd me over the fone was bcos he didnt wanna string me along but surely thats wot he'd already bin doin....

I need help plz tell me how 2 recover?!

Reply 1

SeanC

I'v found the easiest way to get over someone is to put yourself in a 3rd party perspective... what would you say to a friend who had a similar boyfriend? I'd be guessing you'd be slagging off his faults etc. You also need to disssociate him from the feelings you felt... When you went out the happiness you felt out wasnt directly caused by him: it was a by product of being out.. Not something totally unique but something you can and will experience again: with other guys. The sooner you can believe he wasnt indispensible and that you don't need a man to complete you then sooner you'll be back on your feet.

Reply 2

becks_xX

i guess its jst so difficult - undrneath i kno it but im a v.insecure person so i feel inadequate n that otha guys wnt like me now x

Reply 3

makeshiftwings

Time and your friends are the best help to mend a broken heart.

Reply 4

SeanC

Thats the problem with confidence.. its like a very large balloon.. takes years to inflate but can be burst very easily. Why do you feel insecure? any particular reasons? for some people its their weight, their body structure etc... perhaps you could find one facet of yourself and improve it just to improve your own confidence? Once you feel comfortable with yourself, everyone else will too.

Reply 5

so_this_is_sam

hey honey, it's so hard when any relationship comes to an end, even when you are the one to end it believe it or not! a lot of people in long term relationships become quite dependent on each other and find it hard to imagine a life without the other. at the time, this could be a good thing but it also shows you how you have to make an effort with other people in your life at the time of a relationship. Friends are there for you always, but boys come and go. I expect he ended it over the phone because he wouldnt have been able to handle your reaction face to face. Was he quite bad at showing emotion? Guys tend to hide away from the difficult things in life when they can, because although it seems he doesnt care, he will deep down always care for you. Sometimes people just need something different and he just felt it was time to move on. You might not speak for a while because you both need time alone, to think things through and contemplate life as single people. It will hurt for a long time and you will go through days when you think life is awful, but there will be the good days as well. Eventually you will want to go out and meet new boys, but it'll take time, dont rush into anything because it makes things worse. Try not to go back to your ex unless you're sure it'll work out, because sleeping with him randomly/pulling him brings back all the emotions that you work hard to get rid of. You will always care for him but it will get easier. good luck xxxx

Reply 6

becks_xX

I dnt kno y im insecure i mean im told that im quite a gud catch; dad has lots of money go 2 private school, not bad lukin, good figure - but i dnt believe it i feel if i am then y didnt he stay wit me n i fink mayb the underlying fing is weneva i let myself get attachd 2 sum1 or sumfin they always leave me n i hurt n then im nt the most popular person at skool im classd i guess as a cool swot n that hasnt dun a gr8 deal to help either!!

Reply 7

so_this_is_sam

But if you're uncomfortable with the way you are then other people will be as well. you have to learn to love yourself, people who are confident are easier to get on with. So what if you're a "cool swot?" So you work hard but then thats the way to get good grades isnt it? You should be proud that you work hard and do well! When you become more positive about yourself other people will find it difficult to find faults with you. You probably feel more down at the moment, because your relationship has recently ended and things seem much bigger than they actually are. Getting close to someone is always a risk but if you dont let yourself, then you'll never experience the feelings you feel when you're with someone you care about. that shld outweigh the hurt at the end, because that will eventually go away but thsoe feeings and memories will stay with you for a long time

Reply 8

helenlicious

All you can do is give it time. I broke up with a boyfriend of nearly 3 years a few months ago, and it really hurt. We were such great friends and knew everything about each other, we lost our virginities to each other, we were really close. Then he just dumped me over the phone. I was angry at him for a long time and just felt like nothing had any point any more. But then there are days when you think "Hey, I've only been thinking about him once every half an hour instead of once every five minutes", and there are days when you can make it through a day at college without having to run to the toilets and cry for a bit, and bit by bit you start getting back on track.

Get a nice haircut (it makes you feel so good!), spend a lot of time with friends, immerse yourself in work or revision or something else constructive and just try and get to know yourself again - it's hard to get an individual identity back if you've been with someone a long time.

It seems really difficult and pointless to start with, but it does slowly get better. Keep smiling :smile:

Reply 9

SamTheMan

Nice text speak :rolleyes:

Well you know he wasn't really interested in you anyway... I think you're just finding it hard to accept that. You're still in a frame of mind where you're close and you think he really likes you. You just need to get out of that.

This might not be true for everyone but when I realise someone isn't interested themselves, I quickly lose interest too.

People will tell you to move on, to forget about him, that better guys will come along. Quite possibly but you have to be realistic sometimes. It's not always that easy to forget (especially after 8 months). Yes, get out and about and do things that will take your mind of him but accept that you might not forget him completely. You especially need time to see things clearly when your emotions aren't so high.