Boyfriend says I deserve someone better than him Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
I've been seeing this guy for 5 months but we only became an official couple in the last few weeks. We get on so well and we tell each other all our secrets and I'm starting to fall in love with him. The last few times we've been out he's got really really drunk and he keeps apologising for it and asking me if I hate him and I tell him I don't hate him and it's okay. Also he says his friends say I'm too good/hot for him and when we're out guys always tell him I'm really hot and flirt with me. I just ignore them.

But last night he was really drunk and apologising to me for it again, and telling me every little bad thing he'd ever done and saying I was too good for him and he's just a bad person and I deserve someone better. I said, "I don't want anyone else. I want you. Do you want me to find someone else?" and he said, "no, I don't want you. But you could have someone so much better! You know that Australian guy? He really likes you. Before he found out we were together, he was telling me he really likes you and like, yeah. You could have him if you wanted. I think he's a good guy." and I was like, "yeah he's a really nice guy, but I want you."

I don't know whether he's just insecure and it's getting to him that some stupid people think I'm too good for him, or whether he's not sure about our relationship and he actually does want me to see someone else? Or does he know I'm falling in love with him and he's saying "no, i'm not all that great, i'm no one to fall in love with"?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been seeing this guy for 5 months but we only became an official couple in the last few weeks. We get on so well and we tell each other all our secrets and I'm starting to fall in love with him. The last few times we've been out he's got really really drunk and he keeps apologising for it and asking me if I hate him and I tell him I don't hate him and it's okay. Also he says his friends say I'm too good/hot for him and when we're out guys always tell him I'm really hot and flirt with me. I just ignore them.

But last night he was really drunk and apologising to me for it again, and telling me every little bad thing he'd ever done and saying I was too good for him and he's just a bad person and I deserve someone better. I said, "I don't want anyone else. I want you. Do you want me to find someone else?" and he said, "no, I don't want you to. But you could have someone so much better! You know that Australian guy? He really likes you. Before he found out we were together, he was telling me he really likes you and like, yeah. You could have him if you wanted. I think he's a good guy." and I was like, "yeah he's a really nice guy, but I want you."

I don't know whether he's just insecure and it's getting to him that some stupid people think I'm too good for him, or whether he's not sure about our relationship and he actually does want me to see someone else? Or does he know I'm falling in love with him and he's saying "no, i'm not all that great, i'm no one to fall in love with"?
correction
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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(Original post by IChooseThisName)
Doesn't get simpler than that. He answered you.
sorry I corrected it, was supposed to say, "I don't want you to."

and the way he said it was like, of course I don't want you to find someone else! But if I was you I'd find someone better.
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Anonymous #2
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Biblically low self-esteem is telling him you're inevitably going to leave him, so he's trying to pre-emptively brace himself for the soul shattering moment by "letting you go" so that he can tell himself it was just wasn't meant to be rather than it being you ripping his heart out and stomping on it.

Eventually this should pass and he'll start taking you for granted like a normal person, but until then this will continue. Constant reassurance will just make him feel guilty about saying it and make it worse, so generally it's best to just ignore it and just continue as normal. The fact that he's saying you should leave him means that he will not be breaking up with you any time soon, so no worries there.

Either that or he wants a threesome with the Australian guy, but that's for another thread I think.
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Arekkusu
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Maybe you should ask him that question? I would have said just insecure but actually suggesting other guys for you to go out with makes me not so sure. Maybe he's angling for a threesome? :p:
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Anonymous #3
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Take it from a girl, who was EXACTLY the same with her boyfriend, he does not want to break up with you, he just needs you to reassure him, whilst sober, how much you like him. I got very drunk and broke up with my boyfriend because I thought I wasn't good enough for him, even though it was breaking my heart to do so. And it was simply because of various insecurities.

How often do you compliment your boyfriend? Boys don't seem to get complimented as much as girls, I just think you need to let him know how much he means to you. And if he tries to break up with you whilst drunk, don't listen to him, he does not want to break up with you, he's just convinced you want to break up with him but can't because you're too nice.
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Will 'Musa'
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He doesn't want you to find someone else, in fact that would kill him to see you with someone else. What he wants is reassurance from you that you actually really like him and want to be with him, and think highly of him.

He wants you to tell him and show him how much he means to you because he wants all his friends to be proven wrong that you're out of his league.

Basically hes just very insecure and needs you to help him have more faith in your relationship, otherwise he'll be worried that as soon as another guy comes along you'll leave him, or worse, cheat on him.
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RichyFrench
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Alcohol is truth serum and he's very insecure. That's all that's going on here.
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Anonymous #1
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He was really drunk though, if he was sober I'd think he wanted to end it, but because he was so drunk and spouting things that didn't all make sense, I'm more inclined to believe he was just voicing his inner insecurities. Also, at one point, out of the blue, he kept saying, "promise? do you promise? promise me." and I kept asking him "promise what? what do you mean?" and he wouldn't tell me he just carried on asking me to promise, and so I said "I promise. Do you?" and he said yes. But I have no idea that I promised to do or what it was about.
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partypool
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He's just being nice!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Take it from a girl, who was EXACTLY the same with her boyfriend, he does not want to break up with you, he just needs you to reassure him, whilst sober, how much you like him. I got very drunk and broke up with my boyfriend because I thought I wasn't good enough for him, even though it was breaking my heart to do so. And it was simply because of various insecurities.

How often do you compliment your boyfriend? Boys don't seem to get complimented as much as girls, I just think you need to let him know how much he means to you. And if he tries to break up with you whilst drunk, don't listen to him, he does not want to break up with you, he's just convinced you want to break up with him but can't because you're too nice.
Thanks, you're right, I think I do need to compliment him more and let him know how much I like him.
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NatalieLon1986
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This is rather interesting - it's a type of behaviour which I think is more common amongst girls in relationships, needing continual reassurance because of self-esteem issues. If you really love him, try and get him to talk honestly about why he might think you would prefer someone else, what it is that if thinks he lacks, and tell him all the great things of which if might be less aware. And talk about your self-doubts as well (almost everyone has some), then it won't seen so one-sided and hopefully you'll both form an even closer connection x
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EonBlueApocalypse
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Sounds needy and insecure. Tell him to grow a pair and be happen you're together.
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Mark85
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Probably just an emotional and earnest drunk.
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NatalieLon1986
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Most people of either sex have fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities - just some are better at hiding them than others. Those who come out with such pathetic macho platitudes as imploring someone to 'grow a pair' are often the most afraid - it's the only way they know how to hide it. Many insecurities arise in a way that the person cannot help, or does not know how to control - because of continually being put down by one or other parent, always being made to feel inadequate rather than special, and so on.
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hollywoodbudgie
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Either:

A) He's kinda insecure at times & needs a bit of reassurance
B) He's got something on his conscience
C) He's a depressive overly confessional drunk

You pick.
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Nick1sHere
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(Original post by A100whoo)
Why are you anon? Because you're embarrassed by how pathetic you are?
Why is the OP pathetic?
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member327593
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(Original post by Nick1sHere)
Why is the OP pathetic?
ive just deleted the post, it was a misunderstanding. I thought it was another poster under anon who decided to correct a spelling in the OPs message :rolleyes:
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Nick1sHere
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(Original post by A100whoo)
ive just deleted the post, it was a misunderstanding. I thought it was another poster under anon who decided to correct a spelling in the OPs message :rolleyes:
Tut tut tut are we not reading the posts properly? :rofl:

Easy mistake to make I guess
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Rose10456
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Was told the same thing. . the last time he did it while we were arguing .. I told yeah I already did. .and he was like .. I am happy for you !! I don't know what your guy has been thinking. .but always settle for the best .. Especially if he doesn't treat you in right manner
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