I feel like my parents are too controlling/over-protective

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
I am 21 years old, and a fourth-year university student. I live at home with my family and go to the university in my town.
My parents tried hard to ensure I went to this university (fortunately it was the one I wanted to go to anyway) not only because it was a good university in their opinion, but mainly so I could live at home.
In my first year, I really wanted to experience living away from home, but my parents tried to put me off at every opportunity. After many arguments, I finally went, but I was expected to come home every weekend.
I lived there for the year, but I ended up moving back home in my second year as the people I lived with were quite unpleasant, and I had spent a lot of time with my then-boyfriend at his place anyway.
I lived at home in the second year through my own choice, and in my third year I had to take a year abroad. I am financially independent; it is true that my parents occasionally help me, but they do not routinely pay for anything, they rather give me cash here and there sometimes.
I offered to pay them rent but they did not want it, I buy a lot of my own food, I have a job and have had for a long time, and I have my own savings.
Now in my fourth year, I would once again like to live away, but I feel like I do not have a choice. My boyfriend (who is from another country) now lives over here and has his own place, but my parents would not let me live with him.
Every time I mentioned a room or a flat to them, my Mum panicked and asked me am I moving in with him?! My Dad says I cannot afford to move out, even though I can afford it perfectly well, I have my own savings and a job as I said.
My parents seem to think I am immature and incapable of doing things like using a washing machine etc.
Once when I used the iron, my Mum asked me five times if I had unplugged it, and despite saying yes every time, she even asked my Dad to go and check if I had.
I originally wanted to do Psychology at university, but I was advised by my father that this would be too competitive a course, and I was made to take a language at A-Level, which I was then strongly encouraged to study at university.
I have a different boyfriend to the one I had a couple of years ago, and until recently, we were long-distance. I told my Mum that I was going to stay with him for 9 days (hardly months and months) and she complained and asked if I could go for 4 days instead?
I am frustrated at this kind of stuff.... at home, I live in a box room, I have little privacy. If I go into my bedroom for 20 minutes, my Mum shouts upstairs to ask what I am doing....
I do not really buy my own food because my Mum and brother usually end up eating it all before I have a chance.. my Mum freely goes and takes clothes from my room and wears them, even though we are completely different sizes, and a lie in just does not exist in my house with the level of noise...
Now, my parents are trying to choose my career for me. I would love to go back to France after I have graduated, as I have the opportunity to work as a teaching assistant, but my parents for some reason do not agree, and are trying to tell me which companies here I should apply for.
I honestly think they expect me to live in that room for the rest of my life...
I would absolutely love to travel, my boyfriend wants to go to Canada if possible, for a year, and I would love to go, but my parents just do not let me...
I tell them how my friends went to universities further away, live away from home, went abroad etc. and they are coping just fine, but they tell me they ´do not want me to learn the hard way´
The ironic thing is that my Dad is also from another country but lives here now, and moved here at my age, so why should I not have the chance?
They tell me they like me being here and do not want to get rid of me, but I just want to be independent and experience the world... and I want to choose my own career...how can I make them see this?
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 8 years ago
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* I meant I try to eat out, I do not mind sharing food of course, but I mean I buy things for my packed lunch, then they ate it the same day so I have nothing to take with me.. so I just eat out a lot..
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Orihime
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#3
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Haha, your parents are despicable. You're 21, get your things together and move out.

You say you are financialy independent yet you choose to live under their roof for free, they're using this as leverage to leash you in whenever you decide to stray akin to a puppy.
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hvh
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#4
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You're 21, stop asking decisions and do what you want to do, otherwise you'll be in that box room for a very long time.

Honestly, the fact that you allow them to make so many decisions for you just encourages them to continue their beliefs that you arent capable of looking after yourself.
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Blazinq
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#5
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Why do you even let them lol? If my mum ever tried doing something like this then I would just ignore her, simple
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username418231
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#6
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Seeing as you said you are financially independent, the best thing to do is to move out.
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HeavyTeddy
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#7
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Have you ever tried to sit them down and explain to them in a proper way and let them know what you're thinking. I agree that you are old enough to do what you want, but they sheltered you and provided for you so no matter the situation and whether you disagree/ agree with them you should show the decency to treat them in a proper way and with respect. Not saying you treat them horribly, but it just seems as if you are a tad resentful of them. Just saying...
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Coffeegirl
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#8
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you think that's strict??

try this
having your emails and facebook checked regularly.
not allowed to go physically to university
have to work in certain environment
have to wear certain clothes
not allowed out at all ..ever
not allowed out with approved friends either
not allowed to make friends of choice
not allowed to receive mail
not allowed a mobile phone
not allowed to make phone calls at home
when i used to go college, getting dropped off and picked even when it was 10 minutes away
not allowed to participate in any extracurricular activities
not allowed to talk to mums side of the family
not allowed to do anything without asking him first
not allowed to go doctors by myself either
only place I am allowed in town or store with mum
all these restrictions apply to the whole of my family with the worst being on my mum
not allowed to spend any money
forced to reject job offers
wireless card taken out of laptop so can't connect to the internet
not allowed to watch to movies/music etc
internet only allowed for homework

(clearly i defy some of these laws :lol: )

the list could go on :cry:

count yourself lucky and just move out without thinking

hope it goes alright in the end.
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RobJ93
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#9
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(Original post by Coffeegirl)
you think that's strict??

try this
having your emails and facebook checked regularly.
not allowed to go physically to university
have to work in certain environment
have to wear certain clothes
not allowed out at all ..ever
not allowed out with approved friends either
not allowed to make friends of choice
not allowed to receive mail
not allowed a mobile phone
not allowed to make phone calls at home
when i used to go college, getting dropped off and picked even when it was 10 minutes away
not allowed to participate in any extracurricular activities
not allowed to talk to mums side of the family
not allowed to do anything without asking him first
not allowed to go doctors by myself either
only place I am allowed in town or store with mum
all these restrictions apply to the whole of my family with the worst being on my mum
not allowed to spend any money
forced to reject job offers
wireless card taken out of laptop so can't connect to the internet
not allowed to watch to movies/music etc
internet only allowed for homework

(clearly i defy some of these laws :lol: )

the list could go on :cry:

count yourself lucky and just move out without thinking

hope it goes alright in the end.
That's child abuse
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Daniellejo.
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#10
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You're 21, they shouldn't even have a say anymore.
I'm 18 and I wouldn't allow my parents to dictate to me whether I should go away to uni or not.
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Anonymous #2
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Report 8 years ago
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I completely get where you coming from. I'm 18 and applying for my unis now and at the beginning my parents thought I was gonna stay at home then they saw a letter that had come down from ucas, advertising open days for unis out of the city.
They spoke to me about it (basically shouted about it) and we had a few arguments. I told them I don't have much of a choice and I can get into a top 20 uni which aren't in my city. My mum's completely pissed about this and doesn't want to talk about it and believe it or not, tried to arrange a marriage for me with some weird guy over the phone who is in GERMANY, and I'm in ENGLAND- desperate measures or what?!
My dads still pissed too and is trying to get my brothers to convince me to stay at home but they understand why I may not.
On top of that my parents tried to force me to take maths and sciences for A Level and when I took History actually called me downstairs and shouted at me about how its useless and I'll never get anywhere in life but I took the subjects I wanted and am more than happy with them. I know sitting them down and speaking can be a bit weird cause I didn't do it cause I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work, I'm more sort of a 'do-it-anyway' person and don't tell them anything cause I know how they'll react. Hell, they don't even know like 1 of my uni choices are in my home town and the rest are out of the city (thank god). If they're anything like my parent's they'd get pissed if I said 'I'm 21 I can do what I like' like a brat off tv. But do it your way and don't agree to their demands cause its your future and if you want to move to France tell 'em 'I'm moving to France as I've been offered a job and its a really good opportunity'.
DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER basically but don't start up a massive fight cause that really won't help and you won't want to lose contact with them for something like this. SORRY FOR THE LONG ESSAY- GOT A BIT OUTTA HAND!
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Anonymous #2
#12
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#12
Mine told me I'd become a prostitute if I moved out for uni... how awks
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WillowLeaves
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#13
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Just go ahead and do what you want to do. You sound like a pretty mature person with sound plans, so maybe they will actually come round when they see that you're not failing miserably away from home. The other option is that they'll never let you be an adult and you could be waiting forever to approve of your choices, so you're better off making your choices now. Either way, you don't have much to lose on this front.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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tehforum
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#14
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(Original post by Coffeegirl)
you think that's strict??

try this
having your emails and facebook checked regularly.
not allowed to go physically to university
have to work in certain environment
have to wear certain clothes
not allowed out at all ..ever
not allowed out with approved friends either
not allowed to make friends of choice
not allowed to receive mail
not allowed a mobile phone
not allowed to make phone calls at home
when i used to go college, getting dropped off and picked even when it was 10 minutes away
not allowed to participate in any extracurricular activities
not allowed to talk to mums side of the family
not allowed to do anything without asking him first
not allowed to go doctors by myself either
only place I am allowed in town or store with mum
all these restrictions apply to the whole of my family with the worst being on my mum
not allowed to spend any money
forced to reject job offers
wireless card taken out of laptop so can't connect to the internet
not allowed to watch to movies/music etc
internet only allowed for homework

(clearly i defy some of these laws :lol: )

the list could go on :cry:

count yourself lucky and just move out without thinking

hope it goes alright in the end.
I would die if that happened to me.
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brunettegirl92
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#15
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i have a friend i recently met at uni. her parents didn't want her to go to university (get married instead) so she left after school at 18, went to another country, and is doing her degree with me. she hasn't spoken to them since.

i'm not saying to do that, but she is an example of how someone can take control of their life is someone won't allow them to live how they wish.
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wenger16
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#16
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You need to strike a balance.

Listen to your parents as they usually want things best for you. Also they told you not to move out and then look your flatmates were bad. Remember they a lot more life experience then you have.

But also be independent and if something feels right but your parents are being blantantly unreasonable just go ahead and do it.

Balance.
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sucess
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#17
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my mum is like that but my dad wants to me to move out to experience life
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Lucid Reality
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#18
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(Original post by Coffeegirl)
you think that's strict??

try this
having your emails and facebook checked regularly.
not allowed to go physically to university
have to work in certain environment
have to wear certain clothes
not allowed out at all ..ever
not allowed out with approved friends either
not allowed to make friends of choice
not allowed to receive mail
not allowed a mobile phone
not allowed to make phone calls at home
when i used to go college, getting dropped off and picked even when it was 10 minutes away
not allowed to participate in any extracurricular activities
not allowed to talk to mums side of the family
not allowed to do anything without asking him first
not allowed to go doctors by myself either
only place I am allowed in town or store with mum
all these restrictions apply to the whole of my family with the worst being on my mum
not allowed to spend any money
forced to reject job offers
wireless card taken out of laptop so can't connect to the internet
not allowed to watch to movies/music etc
internet only allowed for homework

(clearly i defy some of these laws :lol: )

the list could go on :cry:

count yourself lucky and just move out without thinking

hope it goes alright in the end.
You sound like the victim of a devout religious family
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maryan12
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#19
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(Original post by RobJ93)
That's child abuse
Sounds like prison to me:eek:

Posted from TSR Mobile
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maryan12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Mine told me I'd become a prostitute if I moved out for uni... how awks
I don't even bother bringing it up


Posted from TSR Mobile
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