Ive cocked up and dont know how to fix things.

Ive really messed everything up and I dont even know where to start with fixing things. Sorry this is going to be really long but I just want to get things out.

Just came home from like being out with my old best friends and they all hate me. None of them said anything to me and Its really hard to deal with because Im used to being center of attention.

Basically. Just before Easter holidays I got sick and stayed sick for the whole holiday with flu so havent been out and have missed out on loads of stuff. At the same time I had just met the most amazing boy but, as I met him he had five days left in London. Which were amazing but then he went home which is in a different country so we figured nothing would happen of it and like we emailed loads but decided long distancewould be stupid.

While I was sick my exboyfriend was the only person who came to see me, and took care of me, brought me flowers etc. He dumped me, and I used to be in love with him, but I can still see all his faults and comparing him to my new guy (the abroad one) he really doesnt seem that great at all - he's not as kind, friendly, wont make as much effort, isnt as good looking or anything. However, while I was sick he was being nice, and alhtough I knew it was just because he wanted to shag I really appreciated. So basicalyl as soon as I got better I ended up at his house and one thing led to another. Which was kinda bad because I had feelings for this other bloke who was abroad but equally, whatever because its not like I had any reason not to.

Anyway, then he proposed.

And I didnt know what to do, so I sort of didnt say no. I was too wrapped up in the moment and it made sense. My ex-boyfriend who is now I guess my fiancee has now told everyone that we're engaged etc. Meanwhile, abroadguy came back to London, and seeing him again made me realise that he's really fantastic, and I want to know him better, and he realised he felt the same, and wants to be togheter wahtever happens. Abroad guy also gets on well with my parents whereas they hate exfiancedude and my dad's now kinda found abroad guy a job in london. So it was all kind of sorted, my new boyfreind was moving back to london to be with me and everything would be fantastic. Other than the fact im engaged tosomeone I dont want to be engaged to, even though I do kinda still love him a weeny bit, and who's emotionally fragile to say the least.

And this basically has meant Ive done none of the work I have to do (alevels are really realyl soon) and all my friends hate me because not only did I not see them cause I was sick. ive also been ignoring them because I dont know what to do to sort out my problems and they found out that Ive been to my exboyfriendnowfiance's house and lied about it and are understandably pissy about it.

Today has kinda then just been the pinnacle of ****e ness. I had to start this new diet to get over my chronic sinusitus (no dairy, gluten or oranges) and boyfreindabroad called to say his flat share has fallen through, so he's not even bothereing to apply for a job here. Its also the day before school starts and Ive done nothing. Ive wasted the three weeks I should have been revising and now I cant get it back.

I just feel so stupid.

Reply 1

ellewoods

Aetheria

Okay, start revising and forget the boys. Tell your "fiance" that you're too young to be engaged and how about being "engaged to be engaged". Although if you really don't want to be with him, then don't be! You can split up with someone to be single you know. I'd advise you not to lead him on as well. If you are only with him to not be single then dump him; it's not fair. If things aren't going to work with abroad boy, then try to forget him. If he's not going to move to London, it won't work, at least not right now, so try to move on. But most important is your A levels.

Great advice Aetheria :smile:

Reply 2

rosetinted

As Aetheria said...A levels are your priority now, not your tangled love life! :wink:

Tell your 'fiance' that you aren't ready to be engaged and that you have to concentrate on school. I can't understand why you would say yes..or rather not say no to your ex. It doesn't sound like you particularly like him and it is ridiculous to get engaged because you are too polite to say no. Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? Realistically I'd imagine the answer is no so he needs to know that. If you still call him ex-boyfriend you guys should not be engaged.

Stay in touch with this lad abroad and keep a good friendship going. Who knows what will happen in the future. It sounds as if nothing is going to happen right now, so don't beat yourself up over it. TBH it sounds like mild obsession rather than love. It often happens when you've gone through a bad patch, break-up and general feeling like crap. Anyone who offers you some kindness and support seems like the greatest thing since sliced bread!