Escaped (long, sorry)

When I was living at home and going to school, I had this best friend who I was with all the time - at school, and at my out of school activities. We had been best friends for literally all of our lives, but it wasn't an easy friendship. It was stormy and full of fights and these always ended in me making a huge effort and apologising, often feeling sick with worry.
Throughout this time, it was always her who attracted most of the male attention, and it make me feel quite insecure, worried about my lack of boobs and my hair colour and my spots and things like that. We had a good laugh together and things, but I always felt like I was trying to win her approval over things.

Then in the summer of year 12, we had a huge bust up when I went out with one of her ex's. She'd done it to me a million times, as well as quite blatantly stealing away most of the few boys who had fancied me instead of her by making a huge flirty effort in front of them. And so finally I had found the perfect boy, and yes, he happened to be her ex, but I didn't see the problem. We're still together now and incredibly in love and hopefully will be together for the rest of our lives. I left for uni at the end of year 13 and, mainly because of the gap which had opened between us, didn't really keep in contact with her very much. She stayed at home and went to college again for another year.

Here at uni, I'm incredibly happy. My boyfriend is here too, I've made loads of great new friends, I finally feel pretty and fun and attractive in my own right. Finally I feel as though I have my own identity, and it's a weird feeling - sort of like I'm blossoming, and I can see it happening in the mirror. I feel so much more confident and I feel like a new person.

So here's the problem. This group that I used to be a part of has started up again, kind of a reunion stylee thing. And I really want to go, because I loved the activities that we did, I loved the vibe of the group, and I'm still in contact with most of them anyway and it'll be a brilliant excuse to go out and get pissed and catch up. BUT of course, she wants to come back too, says she "wouldn't miss it for the world". And already I can feel the old insecurities coming back, wondering about whether my boyfriend is looking at her again (although I KNOW that he wouldn't, I still get stupidly paranoid because of the numerous occasions that my boyfriends would dump me and then go out with her). Wondering if I've said something wrong, if I've dressed "to her standards", whether she's going to ring me and call me a bitch. It's stupid.... I just felt like I'd come out from under her shadow and developed as myself, and suddenly I feel her looming again.

Well, I'm not going to back out. I'm going to go. But does anybody have any suggestions to how not to fall back under her shadow and into my old habits again?

Reply 1

MNBStyle

I feel shes more insecure than you, shes nothing amazing shes the sort of girl who craves attention clearly, and guys clearly pick up on this and are prepared to take advantage.
You however have found this new confidence you love it your boyfriend clearly loves it and prefers you alot more than your mate, as he did split with her and is now with you.
I feel you should go there and prove to yourself at the end of the day your alot better than your mate as your clearly not seen as just a trophy like it seems she is to guys.
The way you are makes you happy and your boyfriend happy, why let her spoil it??

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