Left my best friend on a night out, she sent me loads of abusive texts

Basically, I was on a uni night out with some guys from home and my best friend came with us. I was quite drunk by the end and left her in the club on her own by accident. I was also apologetic about it but she sent me 10 abusive texts calling me a ****ing idiot, telling me to delete her number, never to talk to her again, that I was a coward etc. She was drunk at the time herself but even if I was in that state, I would never speak to her like that. I am so close to her and at the time found it so hurtful that she would say those things to me.

I've spoken to her today about it and she's completely unapologetic about what's been said. She says that she was right to talk to me like that after I left her there. I've told her its unacceptable and that if she ever speaks to me like that again, we are through. Am I right or overreacting? I just feel sad about the way she's treated me.

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Reply 1

username616640

she was drunk, you say things you regret.
at least you told her how you felt, she probably won't do it again.

Reply 2

Plumstone

It depends. Was she in any danger by you leaving her on her home? Long walk home in a dark, isolated area, etc? Were there any others there who she knew? If she felt vulnerable and uncomfortable by you leaving her there alone then I can understand that she might have felt angry and abandoned. On the other hand, if you really are as close as you say then she should have been able to overlook this one incident for the sake of your friendship.

Reply 3

chicforever_

I personally don't think you're overreacting by telling her not to speak to you like that because you can make a point without having to be abusive but to be fair she was drunk and you do say things you don't always mean. She's probably just really annoyed at what happened. I would. If you've apologised what more can you do? She just needs to accept it or move on.

Reply 4

James CC

The question here is do you want to stay friends with her knowing this other side of her?

I don't think either of you is right or over reacting, something bad happened, some things were said and now you have to decide if you want to stay friends. It's possible that she is still angry about the whole incident and so that's why she's not apologetic about what she said. Still, it's up to you if you want to stay friends knowing this other side of her.

Reply 5

S.R

The best way to deal with people who think they have the moral high ground over you is to do the same by being mad at them/ignoring them. Because if you apologise even a little they will take a mile and drag it out but if you just say "no YOU'RE an ******* don't talk to me until you learn some manners" etc then they will see that the world doesn't revolve around them as they hurt your feelings too and will make up quicker.

Reply 6

justanotherposter

Why would she call you a coward? Is there a chance you ran away from some situation you and your friend got involved in and then forgot about it the next day?

Reply 7

TinFish

Original post by Anonymous

I am glad you asserted your dominance over the female in question. Be firm and persistent and she will eventually succumb.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Well the thing is that i'm always so nice to her and I go out of my way to do things for her that I wouldn't for another girl. The fact that something so petty would cause her to respond like that just made me feel a bit crap. I treat her so well and even when I do something as minor as leaving her in a club she's been to 100 times, she reacts as though i'm such a bad guy. She could have easily got a taxi back to our house on her own.

Reply 9

Horchata

People say pretty harsh things when they're angry, especially drunk, and tbh I'd have been pissed too if I were in her position. I think that, seeing as you are close, you should just look past this incident (which is unlikely to happen again). You did something ****ty, your friend got pissed at you and said some hurtful stuff that she wouldn't have said normally and so you are both a bit in the wrong. Neither of you did anything really bad so if your friendship means something to you then you should just accept that she won't apologise and move on.

Reply 10

ArcadiaHouse

Original post by superxo2

she was drunk, you say things you regret.
at least you told her how you felt, she probably won't do it again.

If she has the same ****ty attitude when sober, then it sounds like she probably will.

Ditch her ass, OP. For good.

Reply 11

joker12345

Original post by Anonymous

I'd be pretty upset if my best friend left me in a club alone though, especially if I was drunk. I wouldn't do that with a close friend, idk, maybe that's just me.

Reply 12

samleigh

I completely agree she shouldn't have spoken to you like that.

But think from her perspective... She was drunk and left alone in a nightclub by her friend and the people she was out with. That could have been a fairly dangerous situation. She was probably panicking about getting home safe etc., especially if the club was a while away from home and feeling really vulnerable. If my friend had left me in that situation, I'd be pretty pissed.

But obviously, after getting home safe and receiving your apology she doesn't have much right to be that angry at you still.

Reply 13

Zuzuzu

maybe something happened (which your friend hasn't mentioned) which may make your friend feel justified in their reaction.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

If anyone cares, we've made up now over the whole thing. She apologised for sending the nasty messages and has promised to not speak to me like that again so all is good! Love her for doing that.

Reply 15

Michaelj

She was drunk. She probably didn't mean it and people say ****ed up **** when they're drunk.

Reply 16

FrostyLemon

IMO mates shouldn't leave each other on their own on nights out if it's just the two of you. Even more so if you're girls for obvious reasons. She has a right to be angry if you did that, but 10 abusive texts is a bit excessive for a close friend.

Reply 17

Shockolate

Leaving on her own might have put her in a dangerous situation, she might have not had enough money to get home (if you were supposed to be splitting the taxi), she was probably feeling vulnerable. Also something bad may have happened after you left, or on a previous night out, that has hurt her and left her feeling angry at you.
Also, it could just be that she was angry that you hadn't told her you were leaving, she might have been looking around for you for ages and worrying about you, or you might have left her with someone she feels uncomfortable with. She probably would have been okay with you leaving if you had let her know that you were going and checked she would be okay without you. You haven't treated her very well either.

Reply 18

RalphsDisciple

Alcohol does not affect everybody in the same way. For example, one of my friends is one of the loveliest, happiest, sweetest people ever when she's sober, but nights out with her are basically hell. My other friends and I have taken to secretly going out without her, because she is just uncontrollable when she's drunk. The rest of us, however, are just louder and clumsier when drunk.

My point here, is that just because you'd never have spoken to her like that even when drunk, doesn't necessarily mean that you have the moral high ground. If alcohol makes her more aggressive, then she's going to say things she doesn't mean. Plus, if your excuse for leaving her on a night out "accidentally" was that you were drunk, then you have to allow her the same excuse for her behaviour. Both of you demonstrated pretty poor displays of friendship that night, so after having both made it clear to each other that it is not okay to treat each other like that again (albeit in different ways) then it's best for you to just forget it.

Reply 19

UtterMuggle

I cannot believe the replies to this post. If I was left in a club I would be ??livid?? I would not want to be left alone in a club and then to be told "you could of gotten a taxi" no. You might of been drunk but that is completely out of order. I'm guessing you're a guy so it's different for you but girls don't appreciate or feel comfortable to be left alone in this sort of situation