I cheated on my girlfriend - should I tell her? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and a half and live together in a one bed flat. I really do love her and I know she's the one - I want to marry her. About three weeks ago, I was very drunk in a club. My friend asked me to wingman him and I did but then I ended up dancing with one of the girls and kissing. Next day I had forgotten but then remembered in the afternoon and was mortified. That night I cried myself to sleep! I was actually embarrassed at myself about that - I'm a grown man of 22 and hadn't cried for years yet I felt so bad, and I kept imagining myself telling her and seeing her face, and it just made me cry more. It felt like it wasn't me who had done it (I would never do this sobre) and I'm still disgusted at myself.

Do you think she deserves to know? I've tried to tell her but always stop myself - we're so happy and I can't face losing her. We've spoken about cheating before and she said if she even found out that her boyfriend had kissed someone else, she would leave them. I'm such an idiot, what do I do?
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Katir
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Could you live with yourself if you didn't tell her? If not, then just tell her. After all she does have the right to know, even if it was a stupid thing to do and you wouldn't do it again. Explain to her exactly what happened ie, being drunk, wingman blah blah blah, but then tell her how it made you feel after. If she loves you like you love her she should eventually forgive you, but it will be hard, very hard. If this is the girl you say you want to marry, then you need to go into it with no secrets. I mean, just imagine, your happily married, then one day this situation comes up. AHHHH! Not good at all! Just deal with it, tell her and build the trust again

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Orihime
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#3
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If it was just a meaningless kiss like you say, why ruin your relationship?

If you choose to make a big deal out of this, she'll wonder why you hid it to begin with...


------

Why neg me lol? I'm giving sound advice.
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Eboracum
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#4
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One kiss, come on? It meant nothing. I thought when I read the title you were going to say you went home with a woman and penetrated her vagina until the sun came up.

Get over it man, don't ruin what you have.
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Mr Advice
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#5
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Quit the alcohol. It's good for nothing.
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tinkerbell_xxx
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tell her, she deserves to know..
if it was me, I'd rather be told by the bf than anyone else
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JG1233
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#7
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I wouldn't say.
By the sounds of it your relationship would be over if you did, if you honestly love her and this was generally a one-off i wouldn't ruin it.
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Sarah1313
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and a half and live together in a one bed flat. I really do love her and I know she's the one - I want to marry her. About three weeks ago, I was very drunk in a club. My friend asked me to wingman him and I did but then I ended up dancing with one of the girls and kissing. Next day I had forgotten but then remembered in the afternoon and was mortified. That night I cried myself to sleep! I was actually embarrassed at myself about that - I'm a grown man of 22 and hadn't cried for years yet I felt so bad, and I kept imagining myself telling her and seeing her face, and it just made me cry more. It felt like it wasn't me who had done it (I would never do this sobre) and I'm still disgusted at myself.

Do you think she deserves to know? I've tried to tell her but always stop myself - we're so happy and I can't face losing her. We've spoken about cheating before and she said if she even found out that her boyfriend had kissed someone else, she would leave them. I'm such an idiot, what do I do?
If it were me I would want to be told.
I always say to my boyfriend if you ever have a drunken mistake I would want to know as I would probably forgive him... But if he didn't tell me it would be soo much worse.
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member327593
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#9
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dont tell her, never do it again
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Little Hobbit
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#10
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Ugh this is tricky.... some girls would want to know and could forgive a drunken kiss (I think I would but have never been in the situation so can't say for certain)... I would definitely rather be told by my boyfriend than hear it off of someone else. It depends on the relationship, I think honesty is so important that if a boyfriend hid this from me it would destroy us.

On the other hand, if something is a one off meaningless kiss that you can barely remember, finding out might not be worth the pain. Different people will have different opinions on this.

It sounds like it was a drunken mistake and a one off - learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again. It's your call whether you tell her or not, you know your relationship better than anyone here. If your girlfriend would want to know then I think you have to tell her and face the consequences, if you are both right for each other and you explain how sorry you are she might be able to move past it.

If you decide not to tell her, bear in mind that she could find out from somebody else. That could make things a lot worse in the future.
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nimrodstower
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#11
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and a half and live together in a one bed flat. I really do love her and I know she's the one - I want to marry her. About three weeks ago, I was very drunk in a club. My friend asked me to wingman him and I did but then I ended up dancing with one of the girls and kissing. Next day I had forgotten but then remembered in the afternoon and was mortified. That night I cried myself to sleep! I was actually embarrassed at myself about that - I'm a grown man of 22 and hadn't cried for years yet I felt so bad, and I kept imagining myself telling her and seeing her face, and it just made me cry more. It felt like it wasn't me who had done it (I would never do this sobre) and I'm still disgusted at myself.

Do you think she deserves to know? I've tried to tell her but always stop myself - we're so happy and I can't face losing her. We've spoken about cheating before and she said if she even found out that her boyfriend had kissed someone else, she would leave them. I'm such an idiot, what do I do?
Don't tell her, but learn from your mistake, we all make them, but the trick is to learn something from them. If you really love this girl, and it sounds as if you do, stop getting pissed and wingmanning your mates, or you will end up on Jeremy Kyle.
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joey11223
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#12
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so this is just a kiss right? Nothing more then that?

Because, although it's clearly very wrong of you, it's relatively minor compared to what I assumed this thread was going to be about, then I'd be tempted to say not to tell her about it. Though if you believe there is a chance she'll find out via someone else, then obviously it should come from you first.
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username945458
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tell her ....better than someone else also it will show your truthful
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Lucia.
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As usual, TSR double standards are at work. Girl posts thread about cheating - gets totally slated and shouted at. Guy posts thread about cheating and gets "Just don't do it again son". :rolleyes:
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LauraRMCF
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The men on TSR are absolutely ****ing disgusting. I feel sorry for any of your significant others for having such insensitive jerks in their lives.

YES you tell her, and see what she says.

If you happen to keep it a secret, I pray to God that someone saw you that night and will tell her of it.

Tell her the honest truth. Tell her how terrible you feel, how meaningless it was...tell her everything you wrote on here and she may very well forgive you.
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marky--mark
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Tell her. If I was with someone, and she kissed someone else, I'd want to know about it. Come clean and don't make excuses. Tell her you were drunk, but don't use drunkenness as an excuse. Tell her it was totally meaningless and that you know that there is never any excuse for any level of cheating. Tell her you love her.

As someone else said, could you really live with yourself knowing that you'd betrayed her trust for the rest of your life? If you want to marry this woman, she deserves the truth.
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UKIPLAD
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#17
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No. Nothing wrong with engaging in sexual activities with other women. After all its natural selective instinct to mate with as many women as possible so you should just continue having sex with other women. It shouldn't even be called cheating to be honest as it's entirely normal. I definitely wouldn't tell her and I would continue seeing that other girl. If you just break it off with that other girl you are going to upset her and that is bad. You should aim to please them both.
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Arekkusu
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#18
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A kiss isn't really cheating! It's very poor form, and I wouldn't support you if you did it again, but for heaven's sake, the world isn't a blemishless fairy tale. Relationships seem particularly prone to this sort of thinking. We are fallible human beings who inevitably make mistakes, the important thing is feeling contrition about them, and other people having the good grace to forgive us for them. See the New Testament for more details.
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username927016
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(Original post by LauraRMCF)
The men on TSR are absolutely ****ing disgusting. I feel sorry for any of your significant others for having such insensitive jerks in their lives.

YES you tell her, and see what she says.

If you happen to keep it a secret, I pray to God that someone saw you that night and will tell her of it.

Tell her the honest truth. Tell her how terrible you feel, how meaningless it was...tell her everything you wrote on here and she may very well forgive you.
Woah a bit of an exaggeration don't you think, there are good & bad people of both genders & in the OPs case it seems alcohol is the root problem here as he says he was very drunk which basically led to him kissing the girl (although questionable how intoxicated he was :rolleyes:) If I were him I would tell as she has a right to know plus he'd be really busted if she hears it from someone else, so yeah OP just bite the bullet & come out. Yeah you made a silly mistake, we all do but telling her openly & apologising is the more manly thing to do & then hopefully after that you can move on with your life without making the same mistake.
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such_a_lady
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(Original post by Lucia.)
As usual, TSR double standards are at work. Girl posts thread about cheating - gets totally slated and shouted at. Guy posts thread about cheating and gets "Just don't do it again son". :rolleyes:
Can testify to this as I was called a worthless ho, a ****, I'd be better off dead, I don't deserve a boyfriend, etc etc.




OP- don't tell her.
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