TSR DECISIONS DROP IN Q and A NOW OPEN - GET FREE ADVICE HERE >>

This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Home from uni

Ok i am just finishing a 3 week holiday from uni, and i thought it would be refreshing to have a change of scene but it's just made me miserable. ive only been at uni for 2 terms but ive realised that there is just no place for me at home. i dont mean in terms of family because thats all fine, but in terms of friends. Alot of my friends stayed at home and since they have moved on here my friendship groups have sort of drifted and dissolved. i'm still friends with them all but not close and i have hardly seen them all this holiday because they've had other things to do etc. My best friend in particular has made loads of new friends since i left, and whilst ive been back ive noticed how much this has changed us. ive barely seen her and considering before i went to uni we were joined at hip i thought she'd want to see alot of me whilst ive been home. i understand if she doesnt want me to mingle with her new friends but she can see them any time and me only for a short amount of time.
im sorry to have ranted but i would really like some opinions,. im dreading what year 2 and 3 hols will be like!! Or am i being bang out of order to expect my bestfriend to change her routine whilst im back even if just to invite me when she goes out. I might be being petty, i dont want to say anything to anyone incase i am being selfish. its just really depressing. opinions please - oh and please dont be too brutal since i have bravely not gone anonymous :redface:

Has anyone else found this happen to them?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Higgy

I live at home still and go to uni in my home city and i can identify with you, my mates who have come back this easter from uni (my old 6th form mates) i have hardly seen! The so called best mate has made no effort whatsoever to see me since he's been back and the ones that have i have, i felt uncomfortable and bored with.

I have a few new circles of mates now from my part time job, my old mates who didnt go to uni and mates i know from ice hockey, ,my older mates ( the ones who all went off to uni) bore me to death now!

Reply 2

serious narb

i've found it totally the opposite tbh, amazing how coming back you can just slip straight back into the same routine with your mates. But then I actually prefer being back than Uni these days so that makes it better.

people do move on but you should maybe try and talk to your friends about it and try to get back in the routine of it.

Reply 3

pol_student

Hey sorry to hear this. I think what it maybe is just simply that you - and they - have moved on. I think many people find themselves in simular situations. Maybe what you should do during the next holiday is maybe arrange to meet up and do fun things that you don't normally have time to do with any good new friends that you have made at uni. Maybe go visit them, and invite them to your house.

I don't want to add to your worries, but I can't imagine the situation getting better with time - unless of course you take drastic action with your friends at home. Perhaps one thing to consider, is do you keep in touch with your friends at home, whilst you are away at uni? Because if you don't, then maybe they'll see it as you left, didn't bother to keep in touch, and therefore aren't interested.

Me and my best mate are at uni in different cities and I get really annoyed because he doesn't make half as much effort to keep in touch during term time (we do keep in touch, and are getting better at it), but yet when we're both back in the same city, he expects things to just carry on and pick up where they left off. I guess it's difficult for us all to find the correct balance, given the work, time, distance and other pressures that us students have to cope with.... why can't life be nice and simple, I ask?

Reply 4

Higgy

Its funny, when i was at 6th form i was always seen as the quiet, rederved, boring one but over the past 2 years since i left my social life has blossomed, i have a lot of mates now (about 5 different groups) and am out nearly all the time, my old mates who've come back from uni cant believe it but i have changed so much since i left school and i think i have moved on from my old mates,i dont want to be around them that much to be honest!

Reply 5

Polly7

Dont give up on the situation with your mates at home. I found it really hard in my first year but things actually improved as we all settled into our uni lives and got used to only seeing each other in the holidays. I am now in my third year and get on with my friends from home more than ever and think of them as some of my best friends. Just had an amazing easter holiday with them and know we will keep in touch whatever we are doing next year.

Reply 6

Navajo

Chel, I know exactly how you feel, I am in exactly the same boat as you. I feel terrible this easter has brought me right down, I havn't seen many friends and I can't wait to get back to Uni (tomorrow :biggrin:

) anyway I feel as if I have moved on with my life and my friends at home have not, we have grown apart so much that we don't really enjoy each other's company. It has made me so miserable over easter... I am dreading the summer holidays for 3 months :eek:

3 months! What the hell am I going to do over summer??

Anyway hope it all owrks out for you, but it's really crap isn't it and makes you feel depressed and alone..so much so that it's hard to revise...

Reply 7

chel

Navajo

I am dreading the summer holidays for 3 months :eek:

3 months! What the hell am I going to do over summer??

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I think its mostly just because my bestfriend has a whole new group of friends who i get the feeling she thinks are more fun/"cool" to hang around with than me. so now she goes out with them in the evenings. we used to just go to the pub together on friday nights but everytime iv suggested we do something (even way in advance) she changes the subject then i find out she's going out with other ppl! i get that she has new friends i really do but am i being out of order to want to do stuff other than just lounge around in the day time with her.

Anyone think i should say anything? we'r not very good at talking about stuff to be honest. im worried that im going to end up really not wanting to come home in the holidays as this would really upset my parents. and pretty much end any kind of friendships that i have here.

uni seems to have caused more harm than good this year.

Reply 8

teh_samby

Of course you're not out of order wanting to hang out with your friend! If I was you I'd try to talk to her about it, but if she doesn't seem interested or want to make the effort, maybe she isn't worth bothering about.

Reply 9

FadeToBlackout

I went back at Christmas for 6 weeks and only saw two or three mates from school. So this Easater holiday, I didn't bothr going home for more than a week. When i did I met my best mate a couple of times and one other person randomly, but didn't see anyone else.

Hmm, it seems like this is a very common experience- people I've talked to here seem the same way.

Reply 10

chel

teh_samby

but if she doesn't seem interested or want to make the effort, maybe she isn't worth bothering about.

But she's been my best friend for like 10years, i genuinely thougth we'd be friends ofrever, sad i know. im hoping her new friendship group this is just a phase she's going through. but the worst thing is i feel in a way like she is purposefully trying to exclude me as once upon a time she would have invited me.

Any 2nd or 3rd years on here who dont have any friends back home - this looks like the way it's going for me and a few other people on here

Reply 11

Little Girl Red

I have the same problem, I went to uni and pretty much everybody else stayed at home. I feel like our friendship groups have moved on, that they've moved on without me, and that when I go out with them, its very strained and weird.
My advice is go and see your uni friends in the holidays :P and make a huge effort with your best friend. Explain how you're feeling to her.

Reply 12

Ethereal

One other thing to think about Chel, is that when you've finished uni you probably won't live near home anyway. When most people go off to uni it is the end of a part of their lives, they change and move on. When they graduate they are unlikely to go back where they came from. Is it really worth putting a huge effort in now, only for it to happen again but become more permanent in 2 or 3 years time when you move to get a job?

Reply 13

smoomoo

i HATE being home now, the friendship thing is fine but its just so boring. Bring on on monday when i can go back :biggrin:

Reply 14

twistedrose

Well, i understand what you mean completely. I used to be in a group of 3 girls.. and i met up with them all for one night. One seemed fine (who hasn't been to uni) VBut the other is awful.. she was my best friend, she always said we should go to festivals together and she hated it last year when i wasnt there. Now.. i ring her to ask her out for my birthday and she completely ignores me, i also went out with her and it wasn't the same. Her and the other girl are fine.. i find out there off on holiday together (never invited me which we said we would do last year) and off to leeds festival (without me) but others i've become closer to (not school friends). But it still sucks.

Reply 15

Schroedinger's Pandora

All of my friends at home have either done exactly as you have described, or they have moved away and started a new life themselves.

My attitude towards this situation is that I know I haven't met any of my *real* mates yet. The people back home move on without you, and the people you meet at uni branch out and carve out their lives after graduation too.

Its crap, but such is life.

Reply 16

shyr_15

make extra efforts to bond with your old friends. separation would eventually lead you into making new friends but it doesn't mean that you'll abandon the old friendship that you have.

going to uni separated me with my best friend. we both made new friends. but we still hang out together during breaks and holidays. its the time we catch up with each other's lives. we also try to comminicate through calls, sms, and emails

Reply 17

lizg

If she's your best friend, then talk to her. It's the best way and she will understand. If she doesn't then I think it just shows something. In yr12 I sort of had that problem, as I wasn't in the same classes as my best friend and we both became friends with different people. Drifted apart completely and when we saw each other it was soooo awkward and never knew what to say. We talked though and sorted it out - both had felt like the other was more interested in their new friends. So yeah, if you were that close beforehand it's likely that that's all it will take. Give it a go!

Reply 18

In Love

happened to me... goin back home after 1st yr uni was great but not in terms of the school friendships. everyone changes and it seems they are no longer interested in goin out etc, they always have an excuse. and when we do meet, as Higgy said, its boring and feels different. There are only 1 or 2 school friends i sometimes talk to on msn

I made awesome friends at uni and although I only have a couple of years left at uni, i'm thinking the same thing will happen after graduation, but maybe to a lesser extent (because people will not change much after uni - you're usually in the early twenties when u graduate so people have already developed their character and will not change as much , unlike the critical age/life jump from school to uni)
Maybe… i hope so :rolleyes:

Reply 19

rocketboy86

it might just be me being very bad at making proper friends, but i seem to find that girls form closer friendships than boys do and that they (girls) seem more willing/motivated (whatever you want to call it) to keep in touch.
that's all just in my experience.

Latest

Trending

Articles for you

Studying for a law degree: how to choose the best university for you

Student story: studying for a career in law

Top questions to ask at a university open day - and how to be well prepared

What you will spend your money on at university

Try out the app

Continue on web