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What the hell is he doing?
Background: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=212918
Okay, so since I posted that thread me and the guy in question have been chatting quite a bit on msn and it's all been quite pleasant.
On Monday he suddenly started telling me about how he was feeling a bit down because he wasn't sure how something was gonna work out after he'd given up something really great to pursue it because he wanted to do the right thing ... blah blah blah. Obviously he was talking about the situation with the other girl. Although he's been telling everyone else (including one of my best friends) that it's going really well with her.
Tuesday night he texts me about something we were chatting about and also tells about how high a regard he holds me in and how he promises to always be there for me if I should ever need him. Whilst we were texting he also asked if he could see me when we were both back at uni because he owed me an honest explanation and felt he could do it better face to face. He wouldn't stop texting me until I said I'd definitely see him.
The other day I posted one of those surveys that people fill in about you and he was the first person to reply. One of the questions was something like 'Is there anything you've ever wanted to tell me but haven't?' And his reply that was now and again he wishes we'd have met at a different time so we could have been together forever.
What is he doing?
Is he trying to keep me in reserve incase things with this other girl don't go to plan?
Is he being genuine and really does want us to be friends?
Like ... what?
Obviously the only person who really knows is him but it'd be interesting to see what other people's opinions are. I'm pretty confused right now.
Okay, so since I posted that thread me and the guy in question have been chatting quite a bit on msn and it's all been quite pleasant.
On Monday he suddenly started telling me about how he was feeling a bit down because he wasn't sure how something was gonna work out after he'd given up something really great to pursue it because he wanted to do the right thing ... blah blah blah. Obviously he was talking about the situation with the other girl. Although he's been telling everyone else (including one of my best friends) that it's going really well with her.
Tuesday night he texts me about something we were chatting about and also tells about how high a regard he holds me in and how he promises to always be there for me if I should ever need him. Whilst we were texting he also asked if he could see me when we were both back at uni because he owed me an honest explanation and felt he could do it better face to face. He wouldn't stop texting me until I said I'd definitely see him.
The other day I posted one of those surveys that people fill in about you and he was the first person to reply. One of the questions was something like 'Is there anything you've ever wanted to tell me but haven't?' And his reply that was now and again he wishes we'd have met at a different time so we could have been together forever.
What is he doing?
Is he trying to keep me in reserve incase things with this other girl don't go to plan?
Is he being genuine and really does want us to be friends?
Like ... what?
Obviously the only person who really knows is him but it'd be interesting to see what other people's opinions are. I'm pretty confused right now.
I ain't got a clue what the hell he's doing bu I know what he isn't doing and that is being fair with you. Nevertheless, it sounds like he is using you sadly, so you need to put things into context here. Regardless of what he says or does the simple fact from the very start he cheated on you. I say get over him and have fun.
Reply 2
I think you could at least listen to what he has to say - you don't have to do anything more than listen.
Reply 3
Yeah I am going to. I've got a few things I want to say to him too.
I just find it a bit bizarre him talking about his new girl to me and then the bit about us being together forever.
I just find it a bit bizarre him talking about his new girl to me and then the bit about us being together forever.
Reply 5
Wasn't me ... what you said is actually what I'm thinking in the back of my mind (minus the cheating thing cause we were never officially together therefore nobody could cheat).
Urgh, guess I'm in limbo till I have this talk with him.
Urgh, guess I'm in limbo till I have this talk with him.
Reply 6
Prepare for brutal honesty.
I have a mate who does things like that to girls and I'm comming to realise that he is a complete knobhead. He always appears nice to girls and does stuff like collecting your Mum from the train station. He usually does this to further himself in your eyes by being seen as nice by those around you. In his case it's a rather mixed up pretense which has the sole purpose of getting into a girls pants. Keeping multiple girls on the go is also what he usually tries by using these tactics with both of them.
He may seem nice, but your at best level with the other girl in his eyes and if not, just a reserve. Sorry if thats no what you wanted to hear, but it is my opinion, based on experience.
I have a mate who does things like that to girls and I'm comming to realise that he is a complete knobhead. He always appears nice to girls and does stuff like collecting your Mum from the train station. He usually does this to further himself in your eyes by being seen as nice by those around you. In his case it's a rather mixed up pretense which has the sole purpose of getting into a girls pants. Keeping multiple girls on the go is also what he usually tries by using these tactics with both of them.
He may seem nice, but your at best level with the other girl in his eyes and if not, just a reserve. Sorry if thats no what you wanted to hear, but it is my opinion, based on experience.
Reply 7
Yeah I can completely see what you mean.
I've got no intentions of sleeping with him again or getting back with him if things didn't go so well with this other girl.
I just don't know whether I should be putting any effort into us being friends when he could just be trying to keep in reserve and he's really not all that bothered about being friends.
Hmmmmmmm.
I've got no intentions of sleeping with him again or getting back with him if things didn't go so well with this other girl.
I just don't know whether I should be putting any effort into us being friends when he could just be trying to keep in reserve and he's really not all that bothered about being friends.
Hmmmmmmm.
Reply 8
Tell him you like him, but only ever as a friend from now on. See how he reacts. If he slowly falls away from you, you will see what his true intentions were...
Reply 9
Personally I think he's just messing you around to keep you as a backup plan in case he gets bored of this new girl. However, crap boyfriends can make great mates. Put as much or as little effort as you want into the friendship, but make it absolutely clear that nothing is going to happen between you.
Oh, and if he buggers off after that, turn a large picture of his face into a dartboard.
Oh, and if he buggers off after that, turn a large picture of his face into a dartboard.
Reply 10
Thanks for your opinions guys.
Next time I see him I'm gonna have to fight an overwhelming urge to tell him exactly what I think about what he's done ... I want to keep my dignity
Plan of action at the moment is be generally all nice and pleasant to him ... and then hopefully he'll realise what a mistake he made and that there's nothing he can do about it
Next time I see him I'm gonna have to fight an overwhelming urge to tell him exactly what I think about what he's done ... I want to keep my dignity
Plan of action at the moment is be generally all nice and pleasant to him ... and then hopefully he'll realise what a mistake he made and that there's nothing he can do about it
Reply 11
Update
So this Monday was back to uni. Speaking to him then via MSN, generally nice chat and he suggests that maybe on Tuesday evening he could pop round to bring me my stuff back, I give his stuff back etc. So I said yeah that was fine but I wouldn't be free till about half 7. He said that was fine and he'd give me a text about it on Tuesday.
Tuesday comes, gets to about half 7, no text. So I text him to say if he still wanted to come round after hlaf 8 would be better for me. He texts me back to tell me he's got loads of uni work to do so would it be okay to do it another time to which I said that was fine. Went on MSN about half 9, he's on and starts talking to me straight away. Proper convo, like asking me questions to keep it flowing all the time. Then uh oh one of his friends (whom I'm also quite friendly with cos one my best mates is seeing him) asks why he's still talking to me all the time (like when he text me saying he'd always be there for me etc) and maybe he should back off a bit. He then takes this as that I'm not okay and he's messing me up and starts having a go at me for not being honest. I basically told him that talking to him wasn't messing me up and I did want to be friends with him but it wasn't gonna be an automatic overnight thing. He was still a bit funny with me but then we both logged off to go to bed.
Wednesday night I got stupidly-where-are-you?-on-the-floor-the-room-is-spinning drunk and text him to tell him that I really did wanna be friends.
Thursday morning get a text back off him and it doesn't seem like he's pissed off. Relief.
Later on, lying in bed and about midnight I get a text off him asking what I'm up to. So I text him back and he texts me back 'Just walking back from town, bit pissed, not far from yours shall I call in?'. I text him back to tell him I thought it'd be better if he called round when he was sober. He then rang me and told me that he really wasn't that drunk and could he just pop in for 15 minutes just to see me cause he was right by my house. I stupidly went downstairs and let him in.
So we were lying on my bed talking and he's spouting a few classics about how much he does care about me and he really wants to be friends with me. About how he had to make a spur of the moment decision and it probably wasn't the right one but now there's nothing he can do about it and how he knew he was lucky to have me and he knew all his friends would kill to have a girl like me. So I'm there trying not to take all this too seriously and trying to keep it light hearted. Then he asks me if he can sleep over to which I said no so he told me that he'd stick to his side of the bed or he'd even sleep on the floor. When I asked why it was so important he slept here he replied 'because you're here and I wanna be near to you'. Anyways I told him he defintely couldn't. Anyways we were chatting generally and I kept (jokingly) shouting at him cause he kept closing his eyes. He's telling me he's not gonna go to sleep and he'll go in a bit, two seconds later, he's snoring his head off right in the middle of my bed.
I tried hard to wake him up, shuck him, kicked him, pinched him ... nothing. How can someone be THAT a heavy sleeper?! So in the end I just gave up and went to sleep at the bottom of my bed. In the morning he's all like 'oh I've really annoyed you now' so I told that obviously he had but what was done was done so not to worry about it. We sat and had a chat before he went and it was all very friendly and actually really nice. Then he left after giving me a kiss on the cheek and the forehead (why?!).
Speaking to him on MSN Friday afternoon and he apologises for what he was saying the night before but he was drunk and I shouldn't take it too seriously. And then about how he was a one woman man now. He'd also left me a message on myspace in the form of 'remember when ...' then what had happened. So I left him one back just going 'haha funnily enough I do. You owe me!' ... then on MSN he was like 'oooh that might get me into trouble so I might delete it. I was just like whatever ...
Until I talked to him on MSN I wasn't really that bothered because on Friday morning it was really nice, like we could actually be friends, but then he was trying to make out he was way drunker than he was like an excuse for what he was saying the night before.
Sooooooooooo ...
Did he just come to my house cause it was nearer than his and wanted to crash somewhere?
Was he hoping that maybe he was gonna get something a little more than just a chat?
Did he actually mean what he was saying but then the next day tried to cover it up with the drunk excuse?
Does he wanna have his cake and eat it?
Or what?
So this Monday was back to uni. Speaking to him then via MSN, generally nice chat and he suggests that maybe on Tuesday evening he could pop round to bring me my stuff back, I give his stuff back etc. So I said yeah that was fine but I wouldn't be free till about half 7. He said that was fine and he'd give me a text about it on Tuesday.
Tuesday comes, gets to about half 7, no text. So I text him to say if he still wanted to come round after hlaf 8 would be better for me. He texts me back to tell me he's got loads of uni work to do so would it be okay to do it another time to which I said that was fine. Went on MSN about half 9, he's on and starts talking to me straight away. Proper convo, like asking me questions to keep it flowing all the time. Then uh oh one of his friends (whom I'm also quite friendly with cos one my best mates is seeing him) asks why he's still talking to me all the time (like when he text me saying he'd always be there for me etc) and maybe he should back off a bit. He then takes this as that I'm not okay and he's messing me up and starts having a go at me for not being honest. I basically told him that talking to him wasn't messing me up and I did want to be friends with him but it wasn't gonna be an automatic overnight thing. He was still a bit funny with me but then we both logged off to go to bed.
Wednesday night I got stupidly-where-are-you?-on-the-floor-the-room-is-spinning drunk and text him to tell him that I really did wanna be friends.
Thursday morning get a text back off him and it doesn't seem like he's pissed off. Relief.
Later on, lying in bed and about midnight I get a text off him asking what I'm up to. So I text him back and he texts me back 'Just walking back from town, bit pissed, not far from yours shall I call in?'. I text him back to tell him I thought it'd be better if he called round when he was sober. He then rang me and told me that he really wasn't that drunk and could he just pop in for 15 minutes just to see me cause he was right by my house. I stupidly went downstairs and let him in.
So we were lying on my bed talking and he's spouting a few classics about how much he does care about me and he really wants to be friends with me. About how he had to make a spur of the moment decision and it probably wasn't the right one but now there's nothing he can do about it and how he knew he was lucky to have me and he knew all his friends would kill to have a girl like me. So I'm there trying not to take all this too seriously and trying to keep it light hearted. Then he asks me if he can sleep over to which I said no so he told me that he'd stick to his side of the bed or he'd even sleep on the floor. When I asked why it was so important he slept here he replied 'because you're here and I wanna be near to you'. Anyways I told him he defintely couldn't. Anyways we were chatting generally and I kept (jokingly) shouting at him cause he kept closing his eyes. He's telling me he's not gonna go to sleep and he'll go in a bit, two seconds later, he's snoring his head off right in the middle of my bed.
I tried hard to wake him up, shuck him, kicked him, pinched him ... nothing. How can someone be THAT a heavy sleeper?! So in the end I just gave up and went to sleep at the bottom of my bed. In the morning he's all like 'oh I've really annoyed you now' so I told that obviously he had but what was done was done so not to worry about it. We sat and had a chat before he went and it was all very friendly and actually really nice. Then he left after giving me a kiss on the cheek and the forehead (why?!).
Speaking to him on MSN Friday afternoon and he apologises for what he was saying the night before but he was drunk and I shouldn't take it too seriously. And then about how he was a one woman man now. He'd also left me a message on myspace in the form of 'remember when ...' then what had happened. So I left him one back just going 'haha funnily enough I do. You owe me!' ... then on MSN he was like 'oooh that might get me into trouble so I might delete it. I was just like whatever ...
Until I talked to him on MSN I wasn't really that bothered because on Friday morning it was really nice, like we could actually be friends, but then he was trying to make out he was way drunker than he was like an excuse for what he was saying the night before.
Sooooooooooo ...
Did he just come to my house cause it was nearer than his and wanted to crash somewhere?
Was he hoping that maybe he was gonna get something a little more than just a chat?
Did he actually mean what he was saying but then the next day tried to cover it up with the drunk excuse?
Does he wanna have his cake and eat it?
Or what?
Reply 12
He sounds like a bit of a loser, who doesn't respect you or your wishes. You said don't come round. He pushed and came round. You said he can't stay over. He accidentaly feel asleep (yeah right, he'll have been playing - noone can not wake up when you try so much to wake them) and he stayed over despite your objection. And I bet you anything he was hoping for some action - not just a little innocent visit!!
Look, I think that you're better off out of this thing. Go find someone who respects you and your wishes, cos if you get with this guy, who seems to be a bit of a player, he'll walk all over you.
This guy wants to have his cake, and eat it.
Look, I think that you're better off out of this thing. Go find someone who respects you and your wishes, cos if you get with this guy, who seems to be a bit of a player, he'll walk all over you.
This guy wants to have his cake, and eat it.
Reply 13
UMMMMMMMMMM, tbh he sounds pretty like the part of me that l hate. l go into uber-nice-guy mode whenever l'm around a girl a really like, which l know is really bad. So, IMO he isn't meaning to be a knob he just needs 'toughening up'.
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