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Under pressure.

I know there are a hundred threads about this same issue but right now i just need to let off some steam.
I just dont know how to get my parents to listen. Ever since year 9 my parents have put an enormous amount of pressure on me to do well, as thier last hope for a child going to uni (im the youngest of 4 and none of them have gone into higher education), and i cant stand it. They dont respect me, when i try to talk to them rationally they just get angry, they wont see me as an adult, and they refuse to accept that i am my own person.

What the latest fight is about is about me going to uni this year, because of my performance at as - abbb, it is going to be really difficult to get AAB which is what my top choice wants, and the only uni i can really go to - i cant get a grant for any other uni and its one of the few that does the exact course i want. Ive tried asking my parents what i can do if i dont get those grades and they just yell, throw objects, threaten to not pay for uni ay all, if i dont go this year.Their excuses are:

1. My brother didnt go to uni when he said he would. Therefore im the exact same as him, so if i dont go straight away i'll never go. - me: i do want to go, i actually love learning and i want to earn enough money to travel.
2. We cant afford to send you at any other time. - me: we cant even get a grant from where we live but they arent listening and are convinced we will.
3. I want to stay with my boyfriend in this craphole and work in safeways for the rest of my life. me: note the word craphole and desired job safeways - just not for me.
4. They are moving away so i have to as i cant stay here and i wont be allowed to stay with them if i dont go to uni.
5. I wont be able to redo some modules to boost up my grades, as i wont want to apply to a college in scotland.

They just refuse to listen, i end up getting insulted by my dad and its me who ends up in tears running out of the room after an hour arguing! I have no idea how to convince them that i am, my own person, not my lazy brothers/ that i do want to go to uni desperately - but to do the course i want, where i want/there is no way in hell i want to stay living here with my boyfriend - i want to actually experience life and theres no way i could stay here, hes living at home and its insanely expensive to rent here.

I know this just seems like a rant, but i really just want to get it all out and see if anyone else has psycho parents like me :p:

or even suggestions to get them to actually listen rather than force thier views on me - maybe advice on how to keep my cool too, im not too good at that... :redface:

Reply 1

mademoiselle84

try seeing it from their perspective- im sure they only want the best for you. i wouldn't be where i am if it wasn't for my mum and dad constantly putting pressure on me to suceed- but they in the end always used to tell me to do it for myself.

Reply 2

Johnny

*This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under Pressure
Under Pressure
Pressure*

Reply 3

ProfessorFitBoy

I can imagine the frustration of trying to talk about the issue rationally to your parents and their refusal to accept your side.

I think you need to possibly think up an alternative startegy to communicate your feelings to them.

Maybe try discussing the issue with a teacher or adult friend of theirs who you know who could then put your views across to them - this may make them understand more.

A thing to remember is that in so far as you may feel bitter towards them and their 'ideas' for you, they are probably acting like this as they believe that you are a reflection on them.
Their definition of 'failure' is prehaps none of their children attending university.

I would imagine that it is easy for you to enter heated arguments with them, but try to illustrate to them your true emotional feelings which may get through to them - however the second you start to argue with them they will immeadiately close up and not see anything from your point of view.

Good luck and take care.

By the way where abouts in the channel islands are you from???